Weird News: Baby-Crazed Women Trading Sex For Sperm Donorship

women chasing man

"Natural insemination" is now being facilitated by the internet.

Well then, it appears that the news media has FINALLY caught up with an insidious scheme by a group called "women" that's been underway since the human species slopped its way out of the primordial ooze. I'm talking about swapping sexual intimacy for the byproduct of that gratifying act: sperm. But it's more than just about the sex, right? Weird News: Dad Of 49 Kids Arrested On Sex Assault Suspicion

Well, polite society has decided it was in our best interest to get married and, in many cases, go through the motions of getting to know each other and establish some level of report (or even monogamy) before we swapped semen for groin-based pleasure. Is this an over-simplification of the process? I wouldn't know; I have 19 kids by 24 different women. Anywhom, per The Mirror, women are turning to new technology to have a baby the old-fashioned way. 

Single women, either baby-crazy or baby-slightly unhinged, have begun frequenting websites designed for matching them with guys who like having sex. In the past, websites would match women with men to donate sperm for turkey baster-based insemination but either men got wise to this milk-for-free grift, someone tricked us all into believing that intercourse upped the odds of conception or this rumor about women liking sex proved to be true.

But how does it work? Essentially, after mutual profile eyeballing, two people will decide to meet. We'll call it a date. If their personalities (and looks) are up to snuff, they will then, in the parlance of our times, smush. Ideally, this smushing and possibly a follow-up morning and/ or shower smush will provide the requisite material to produce a baby.

The real rubberoo of this scheme is the guy gets to procreate (plus have bareback sex with a virtual stranger) and have no follow-up responsibilities. There better be some kind of contract involved. I'd imagine that previous generations of men hate these new-fangled primogenitors for managing to find such a weird loophole in the system. Up until, um, just now, the paramount fear for most men was to be tricked into slipping a live one past the goalie. Strange days … it'll be an interesting story to tell junior. Given the way "objectionable content" on the ultraweb is ratcheting, you'd wonder if the next phase may be conception porn or anonymous "natural inception" by gangbang.

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