What Is Going On With Lindsay Lohan?

Lindsay Lohan

Hooking up with Gerard, restraining orders, and break-ins at home.

The long weird saga of Lindsay Lohan took another bizarre turn over the weekend, with reports that the 23-year-old professional spray tanner hooked up with Gerard Butler in Morocco, plus her mother, Dina, telling the press that Lindsay's seeking a restraining order against her demented father, Michael. Plus there's the gang of rich twits accused of robbing her house, along with the homes of Paris Hilton, Audrina Patridge, and (one of these things is not like the other) Orlando Bloom. Is it too much to ask that Lindsay, I don't know, make a movie one of these days?

First, the Gerard issue. Sources say Lindsay and Gerard spent most of Saturday evening dancing and flirting at the opening night party for the Mazagan Beach Resort in Morocco (What? How did you spend Halloween?) and later left the party together in a golf cart. Ah, golf carts. Vehicles of deflowerment. Lindsay was reportedly overheard saying, "He's hot, he's mine! I've got no ring on my finger so I'm going to have lots of fun. This is the most romantic place in the world," as she and Gerard left the party. Okay then. In the pantheon of Sketchy Things Lindsay Has Done Lately, this doesn't even rise to the level of appearing in Fornarina ads. Related: Samantha Ronson Sick Of Lohan Drama

Then there's the ongoing difficulty with her dad. Michael Lohan is the yardstick with which we measure bad stage parents these days, and Dina hasn't been acquitting herself much better lately, what with turning 15-year-old Ali into her 40-something divorcée twin and insisting on airing the family's laundry in the New York Post. Dina has reportedly been trying to get a restraining order against Michael on Lindsay's behalf, but lawyers say that since Lindsay is an adult, she needs to talk to the police herself. Using GPS Monitoring To Stop Batterers

And the robberies. In October, California police arrested a group of five teenagers from Calabasas for a string of break-ins at celebrities' homes, and sources say the burglars focused on specific items. TMZ published a photo of one of the girls wearing a necklace that appeared to belong to Lindsay, who has said that the robberies left her feeling "violated."

So that's all, you know, a disaster. The ongoing drama between her parents is obviously not Lindsay's fault, and something that's causing her a lot of pain, so we if we had one wish to spend on famous people (rather than on unicorns and buckets of pudding), we'd make Michael Lohan disappear forever. The rest, she's on her own.

Via Celebitchy. Photo via Bauer-Griffin.