Big Problems With Internet Dating


I've done enough internet dating to write a litany about it, and of all the concerns most bothersome and dreary, the promise of meeting an honest person is usually the biggest disappointment of all.  What does it mean to be honest when a person is about to meet a complete stranger, and vice versa?  This is what it boils down to, and when we step back for a moment and contemplate out own experiences with internet dating, it's interesting to note that the one thing that is always true about it is that we are strangers to each other.  That other person is always a stranger, no matter how the telephone or email conversations went, and no matter how good we feel about the person we are about to meet. One other thing is guaranteed, and that is to say that it's always a surprise to meet somebody face to face for the first time, and usually but not always, a disappointing surprise.
It usually has a lot to do with the pictures a person chooses to depict oneself. It becomes such a boring argument to hear over and over that the picture doesn't matter. Well, it does. At least at first it does.  If a person is lucky enough to get past a few dates with the same person to get to know who that person is under the skin, only then does the picture matter little.  Think about it. You are going to have to meet the person on the other end of the phone, eventually,  if you mean business. What useful purpose will it serve you if the picture you choose doesn't even resemble what you look like in real life? Does that sound cruel?
If you think that then think about the way the person you just met feels. I'll tell you what, it's not a very good feeling.

I've heard of people actually walking away from dates when the picture doesn't match. In fact I've heard it often. In my own experience, I don't walk away from a woman. I try to make the best of the few moments that I just decided it will be with the other person, then I say good-bye and good luck.  Being a gentlemen and a genuinely nice guy, I'll usually offer something like a drink or sometimes even a meal, and some friendly conversation. To me it's important to understand that even your soon to be forever forgotten date is a human being with feelings, and I try my best not to hurt them, even if the picture is ten, twenty something years old and ten or twenty something or more pounds in person. Another pet peeve for me is when a person's profile states that she is younger than she really is. Does age really matter ? It does when your dishonest about it, and the same goes for the picture.

I'll tell you a little story about an internet dating experience I had to illustrate for you how dangerous it can be in being dishonest. You may want to ask, dangerous for who? ... after reading this.  I once met a woman who stated in her profile that she was ostensibly in her mid-forties.  I was already over fifty years old, so it was socially " appropriate."  The picture she used was that of a halfway decent looking woman in her forties. So her stated age seemed to match her picture. I already knew that the chances were greater than ninety percent that the picture was dishonest, but so what? Most are. You see, I've gotten to the point where I take the picture with a grain of salt, but this time,,,,well, you decide.  So, we talked on the phone a couple of times and decided to meet. I decided I might as well meet her for a meal so we decided to meet at a restaurant. It doesn't really matter what restaurant does it? It could have been Burger King. What difference does it make? For me, sitting down for a meal gives two people a chance to talk and feel comfortable. Well, to make this astounding story a bit shorter, I walked into the place and the restaurant's staff began giggling as I walked in the door. One of them said, still giggling, "You're date is in the bathroom, she'll be right out." and offered me a table to sit down at. I waited a few minutes, and then much to my absolute amazement walked out of the ladies room, and then over to me an sat down at the same table with me a woman who must have been no younger than ninety years old!! She looked older than my own mother!! This is not a joke. It really happened.  Can you imagine what went through my head as I gazed at her in utter disbelief ?  She was obviously a bit psychotic, but was I to tell her ? No way. Not my concern. I hope this example has helped to get the point across I'm trying to make. It may be an extreme example, but nevertheless, it shows how important being honest is in dating a stranger.  So, who was it more dangerous for? Her, or me?

Honesty is extremely important when trying to meet a partner or lover via internet dating, I know for many it's difficult. We get older. We don't look as good as we used to. Well, most don't. I've actually met some women who look better in person than the pictures they use, but that's rare, very rare, and they are usually unaware of it themselves; that they look better in person. The main point is that they are being honest.  

I've met many women through internet dating and I can say that when a woman has been honest with me to begin with, I have respect for her, even if I'm not particularly attracted to her, and yes I've made a few "just friends" through internet dating just by their honesty with me.

Whoever we meet through the internet is always a stranger, for a long time. I can't emphasize that enough. I'm at the stage where I can safely say that it's just as easy to pick up a woman at the supermarket or pharmacy as it is through the internet.  The point is that for some unexplainable reason, it's much easier for people to break up who meet through the internet than by more traditional ways, through mutual friends, at a party, etc.  I've been with women, deeply involved in relationships, who simply get up and walk out for no particular reason, as though we had never met at all. I'm sure many people have had similar experiences. A situation like that would almost never happen with someone we know through the traditional grapevine. It's because we are still perceived by each other as strangers, so it's easy to just get up and go without any particular concerns for the other.  I know there is a point in time in any relationship, whether one from an internet introduction, or mutual friends, or what-not, when we decide that we can really trust each other and are no longer thought of as strangers. That has happened for me once or twice, that's all, but how many really truly romantic and loving relationships does a person need anyway throughout life?

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