Women Who Become Less Patient With Men As They Age Usually Have These 11 Reasons
Relationships are bound to shift and evolve at some point.
VH-studio | Shutterstock Many women tend to grow less accepting of older men as they age themselves, according to a study from Human Nature, because of a number of personal and social reasons. From self-assuredness to seeking validation and forming their relationships later in life, there are several changes aging women experience that influence their perception of the men in their lives and beyond.
Whether it's a history of toxic interactions or a change in their own relationship with social norms, women who become less patient with men as they age usually have these reasons. They're not only less tolerant of misbehavior and expectations of emotional labor they harbor in traditional relationships, but they also have stronger personal values that guide them toward self-advocacy and personal growth.
Women who become less patient with men as they age usually have these 11 reasons
1. They're less fueled by validation
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Many women are taught to seek validation and acceptance from men from a very young age — from their parents, from teachers, and even in their relationships through patriarchal social norms. They're socialized to be caring, nurturing, and tolerant of the men in their lives, even at the expense of their own well-being and happiness.
However, as they get older, solidify their own beliefs, and become more self-assured in their own identity, appealing to men at the expense of their personal identity becomes less of a pressure and more of a burden. They're not fueled by validation from others, but rather from their own internal gratification, so they grow less patient with men who don't offer them security, compassion, and balance.
2. They know what they want
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Like a study from the European Journal of Ageing explains, a person's values tend to naturally evolve over the course of their life, often growing deeper and stronger as they age. That's part of the reason why many women become less patient with men as they age — they have a strong sense of values in their life and know what they want.
They're no longer willing to entertain relationships and interactions with men that don't align with their values. Even if they did earlier in life, unsure of what they wanted or who they wanted to be, with age comes the wisdom to focus on the things and people that truly add value to their lives.
3. They're tired of the 'invisible work'
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"Invisible," cognitive, and emotional labor — things like planning, organizing, regulating a partner's emotions, and facilitating productive conversations — are all things that women tend to bear the burdens of in their traditional relationships with men. While some women appreciate feeling needed for this kind of work, many are drained by the unbalanced nature of this expectation, like a study from the University of Wisconsin-Madison suggests.
Women who become less patient with men as they age usually have grown tired of taking on all of this draining work in their relationships. They'd prefer to be on their own, balancing these kinds of responsibilities and emotional labor for their own sake, rather than "managing" another adult person in handling their own emotions and responsibilities.
4. They have experience with 'red flags'
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For women with a long history of toxic relationships or experience dealing with unhealthy men in their lives, this could feed into their intolerance and impatience as they get older. They know how to recognize the red flags early — whether that's a disrespectful comment on a first date or an angry outburst from a male leader — and they don't tolerate or entertain them for long.
Of course, women are generally more negatively affected by disrespect than men are, regardless of age. However, as women get older, they learn to recognize this disrespect and misbehavior before it plays a large role in their well-being, happiness, and general mental health.
5. They're more self-reliant
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Like a study from the Journal of Aging Studies explains, women tend to grow more self-reliant as they age, building the skills they need to stand up for themselves, set boundaries, and protect their own well-being. Whether it's validation, self-worth, emotional security, or even keeping up with a daily routine, as women get older, they become less reliant on other people to meet their needs and provide security.
They don't need a man or a partner to keep them safe or to protect their well-being, because they have the tools and mindset to do it themselves. While that may feed into their impatience with toxic men or partners who expect them to do everything for them, at the end of the day, they're growing more independent and self-assured.
6. They put themselves first
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Many younger women are taught to people-please early in life before they're taught the importance of self-assuredness or confidence. They consistently put other people's needs before their own, with the hope that "protecting the peace" or "providing for others" will ensure their own emotional stability.
However, with age, many women unlearn those misguided expectations and instead put themselves first. They no longer tolerate disrespect, unbalanced relationships, or toxic partners simply for the sake of validation or having a relationship with a man, and instead get honest about setting boundaries and protecting their needs.
That's why these women grow less patient with men as they get older — they're unwilling to overlook their own needs or feelings for the sake of protecting their husband or male peers' comfort.
7. They're better communicators
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Many women who openly express their needs, set boundaries, and call out disrespect are labelled as "impatient," but are really just protecting themselves. They have better communication skills as they get older — fueled by prior experiences and interactions — that serve as tools for protecting themselves from disrespect.
Even if this kind of behavior doesn't fall in line with social expectations of agreeableness or quietness that women are held to, their ability to call out misbehavior and stand up for themselves ultimately adds value to their lives. They're not necessarily less "patient" with men, they're just equipped with the skills to notice, express, and call out behavior that doesn't act in their best interest.
8. They appreciate authenticity
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Many adults tend to cultivate and maintain healthier, more meaningful relationships as they get older, largely because of the personal growth they experience. They have a greater sense of personal identity, self-esteem, values, and authenticity that feed into relationships and behaviors, rather than things like insecurity or uncertainty that are common earlier in life.
Women who become less patient with men as they get older usually have these reasons: they've grown into their own authentic identity, but they also seek out the same kind of identity and stability in their partners and friends. Men who expect them to carry heavy emotional loads or tolerate disrespect don't fit into this new narrative, so it's not surprising that they steer clear of nurturing interactions and relationships with them.
9. They're less tolerant of stress
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Many women tend to grow less tolerant of nonsense, stress, and disrespect with age. They have the coping mechanisms to handle their own, but they also have a bolstered sense of emotional intelligence that protects them from taking on unnecessary stress or disrespect from other people.
They're careful about who they keep in their inner circles — which is why older individuals are happier with smaller social circles — because they don't want to deal with unnecessary drama or ridicule, especially when they're confident in their own self-reliance.
10. They don't fear being alone
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Many women who fear being alone tend to prioritize relationship status — like being "taken," rather than single — over relationship quality in their daily lives. They'll stay with a toxic partner or tolerate disrespect from a man simply because they don't want to be alone.
However, women who become less patient with men and more internally self-assured do the opposite. Whether that means waiting for the right person and not settling or embracing their singlehood, they'd prefer to be alone, rather than tolerating disrespectful and toxic behavior in a relationship.
11. They're more direct
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According to a study from Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, women are generally perceived to be "less warm" as they get older. Of course, it's not because they're all growing more unhappy or less social with age, but because they're less interested in adopting the social norms that pressure them to be polite, agreeable, and quiet — even in the face of disrespect.
As they get older, these women stand up for themselves, speak directly and confidently, and engage in many of the social behaviors — like calling out rudeness — that men are celebrated for doing. Even if they're perceived in a more negative light from a societal lens that benefits from their inferiority, they protect themselves from disrespect and misbehavior by putting themselves first.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
