11 Phrases Women Say When They're Not Being Treated Well But Still Don't Want To Let Go
It's difficult to let go of a bad relationship, but staying is even worse.
Photoroyalty | Shutterstock It's hard to let go of a relationship that a person has spent so long clinging to. From seeing their potential to feeling like it will get better, there are certain phrases women say when they're not being treated well but still don't want to let go, in an attempt to convince themselves their relationship isn't failing. As clinical psychologist Roxy Zarrabi said, "For many, having difficulty moving on from unhealthy relationships may be a reflection of deeper wounds that have yet to heal."
Maybe she didn't fully heal from her childhood, or perhaps it's a traumatic relationship preventing her from seeing just how great relationships can get. Either way, continuing to cling to hope will only end in disaster as their partner refuses to change their behavior.
Here are 11 phrases women say when they're not being treated well but still don't want to let go
1. 'I'm sorry, he's not always like this'
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Everybody has bad days in which they say or do things they later regret. Maybe a woman's partner yelled at her because he was in a bad mood or ignored her when he needed to cool off. Either way, there's a difference between having a bad day and consistently being rude and disrespectful.
People who act out almost always apologize, take accountability, and do their best not to repeat themselves. However, men who don't treat women right will continue to act the same way, even if they promised never to do it again.
According to one study published in PLOS One, people who think they can get away with something tend to show their worst side to disagreeable people. So, while women might try to excuse their partner's bad behavior because they don't want to leave, at some point, there's a need to draw the line. Otherwise, they let their partner take advantage of them.
2. 'I know he loves me deep down inside'
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At the start of the relationship, a woman's partner might have loved them and would have done anything to see them smile. But looking to the past is bound to leave women feeling disappointed.
As hard as it may be, the past and the present are two completely different things. While their partner might have valued them before, they certainly don't now. But she may be in denial, telling herself that he loves her deep down. And while he might love her, he doesn't love her as much as he loves himself. Through his actions, he constantly undervalues her.
Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD, explained that relationships are meant to be a give and take. "The success of a romantic relationship often hinges on the ability of partners to navigate the delicate balance of compromise. In situations where one partner needs to give in more, effective communication, mutual appreciation, and a commitment to understanding each other's needs become paramount," he revealed.
While he might love his partner anymore, women must ask themselves if he truly treats them right. If the answer is no, as hard as it may be, it might be time to move on.
3. 'He's just going through a lot'
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In an effort to convince themselves they can still salvage their relationship, one of the phrases women say when they're not being treated well but still don't want to let go is "He's just going through a lot." Despite the need for respect, some men don't quite understand this.
He might be going through a hard time, but going through a rough patch doesn't change the way disrespect makes women feel. According to psychology professor Robert Enright, PhD, being disrespected by a partner leads to less time spent together.
While he might not mean it, be sure that it doesn't remain a habit. Remember: men who feel comfortable disrespecting a woman one time won't always stop at just one occurrence.
4. 'I can't imagine starting over again'
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It's understandable why women stay in relationships that no longer serve them. Usually, it's because they're afraid of being alone or are turned off by their options in the dating world. And, to top it off, the brain doesn't like change.
According to Keith M. Bellizzi, a professor of Human Development and Family Sciences, "The desire to be right combined with the brain's protective mechanisms make it that much harder to change opinions and beliefs, even in the presence of new information." So, it isn't shocking that women and men have a huge fear of letting go and starting over again.
But in the long run, this rarely works out well, as many women find themselves growing increasingly resentful of their partner. This resentment leads to contempt, which spells the end for many relationships. It all boils down to how much time a woman wants to save. Would she rather see it through until the very end, or leave and possibly find someone better?
5. 'We've already been together for years'
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Most people hate the thought of wasting time. If given the choice, they would much rather take the easy way out than waste years on a relationship that doesn't work for them. Still, when people truly feel like a relationship is worth it, they'll invest time, energy, and resources into making it work.
But how many years does someone need to waste before they put their foot down and say enough is enough? In fact, the more time a couple spends together, the less likely they are to break up.
According to a study published in Economic Inquiry, couples who dated for two years or longer were 20% less likely to divorce than those who dated for less than a year. And while this might make perfect sense, in some cases, letting things go is the only way to go.
When a man doesn't treat his partner right, no amount of late-night talks or therapy sessions will work, no matter how long they've been together. In the end, if a woman wants to thrive and find happiness, letting go of the old to welcome in the new is a must.
6. 'We've been through so much'
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Many couples have gone through so much just to be together. From maintaining a long-distance connection to going through therapy, the journey to find balance and harmony in any relationship is far from easy. Women may have endured many hardships to make a relationship work, convincing themselves it was worth it as their partner meant so much to them.
However, after a while, the painful memories and broken trust will seep in, making it impossible to hold on any longer. Especially when confronted with betrayal, women may make excuses for why they will stay in their relationship, even though, according to psychotherapists and relationship counselors Linda and Charlie Bloom, betrayal "sets us up to lie, cover-up, justify, and deny our actions. This sets up disappointment that can be difficult or even impossible to resolve."
While women might feel tempted to keep pushing and working through things, they should be sure there's active progression; otherwise, they might be wasting their time.
7. 'At least he's better than most guys'
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One of the phrases women say when they're not being treated well but still don't want to let go is "At least he's better than most guys," which is just another way to convince themselves that they aren't in the wrong relationship. While he might treat a woman right from time to time, doing so occasionally doesn't erase the fact that he disrespects his partner.
This behavior comes down to being purposely manipulative. According to psychiatrist Abigail Brenner, "Manipulative people can play the victim, making you seem to be the one who caused a problem which they began but won't take responsibility for. They can be passive-aggressive or nice one minute and standoffish the next, to keep you guessing and to prey on your fears and insecurities."
Despite this, many women will hold onto a relationship because they aren't yet able to move on and see their partner for who they truly are. While it might be difficult for someone to see the red flags, a trusted professional, along with family and friends, can notice these concerning behaviors a mile away.
8. 'No relationship is perfect'
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Couples argue, that's just a fact of any relationship. Yes, no relationship is perfect, and all relationships will have their fair share of bumps in the road, but by using this as a reason to stay with a man who doesn't treat her well, some women will argue that their relationship resembles many.
But there's a huge difference between imperfectly healthy and just unhealthy. Men who yell or mistreat their partner aren't just being imperfect, they're being disrespectful. According to licensed psychologist Suzanne B. Phillips, disrespect often comes in the form of ignoring their partner, mocking, eye rolling, correcting them in public, and refusing to apologize.
While it's important to keep in mind that their partner is far from perfect, it's also equally important to be mindful of harmful behaviors; otherwise, women might just find themselves feeling stuck in a toxic relationship.
9. 'I know he'll change'
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Everyone has said or has heard this phrase muttered before. In the moment, it might seem like the relationship has a fair shot of getting better. After spending hours talking through things and figuring out the conflict, there's true hope that he will change.
However, more often than not, this is just a phrase women say when they're not being treated well but still don't want to let go. They don't want to admit that the person they love doesn't feel the same way. They don't want to think about everything they've tolerated so far and the damage it has left.
Unfortunately, this is why many women cling to this logic and excuse his behavior, even if deep down inside they know it's wrong. In their eyes, they can't see the red flags, and they also can't imagine hurting their partner on purpose, reflecting their own standards onto their partner. All this does is prevent the inevitable, as these women continue to get taken advantage of until they eventually break.
10. 'He's doing his best'
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People won't always be where they want to be in life, but they're usually trying their best. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for toxic relationships. "He's doing his best" is just another of the phrases women say when they're not being treated well but still don't want to let go, refusing to embrace the truth that their relationship isn't good for them.
When he slacks off, forgets, or simply doesn't try after failing a few times, it becomes an excuse to break promises and not treat women right. And unfortunately, these women may be so desperate to stay in the relationship that they accept this treatment.
11. 'Things will get better once this happens'
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Women may think their relationship will change once a specific thing happens, whether that's their partner landing their dream job, buying a house together, or hitting a specific milestone in their relationship. But if things don't change, then nothing changes, right?
Things "getting better" depends entirely on what needs to get better in the first place. Is it finances, or is it something much deeper? Is it something practical like getting a new job, or something that can't exactly be fixed like a personality flaw?
While it's good to give their partner the benefit of the doubt, doing it too much will only end in heartbreak. And the longer they wait, the more disappointed and hurt a woman will be.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
