11 Tiny Social Cues That Reveal Someone Is Just Pretending To Like You
It can be difficult to notice the subtle signs someone might not enjoy being around you.
Eugenio Marongiu | Shutterstock Whenever we meet new people, an automatic feeling is wanting them to like us. When someone gives off the vibes that we might not be their cup of tea, it can feel like a bit of a sting because it's just human nature to want to be a likable person. However, this is real life and it's impossible for every single person you meet to like you and want to be around you. It's not always obvious, but there are tiny social cues that reveal someone is just pretending to like you, especially if they aren't trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
Behind the occasional nods and smiles, not everyone who acts friendly towards you is someone that actually wants to be your friend. While outright coldness is easy to spot, from someone avoiding conversing with you in group settings or even rolling their eyes every time you speak, it can be a bit harder to spot the subtle cues of a person who isn't trying too hard to let you know they aren't really rocking with you. While it may seem painful at first, being able to notice their habits can help you move accordingly with them when you find yourself in a room with that person moving forward.
Here are 11 tiny social cues that reveal someone is just pretending to like you
1. They rarely ask follow-up questions
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When you're in conversation with someone, it's normal to ask follow-up questions to get to know that person a bit deeper. You might ask them what piqued their interest about the career field they're in, or what made them want to travel to a certain city because you're curious about who they are as a person.
Asking questions when talking to someone is always an important aspect of getting to know that individual. Relationship expert and therapist Erin Leyba explained, "Cultivating a genuine interest in other people helps you learn and grow, too. Being curious won't just lead to closer relationships; it will also make you happier."
Usually that curiosity stems from liking them as a human and wanting to learn more about what makes them, well... them. However, when someone isn't really vibing with you, they may not ask a single follow-up question because they simply don't care. It might seem harsh but they just don't have that spark of curiosity to know more about your life and personality. To them, they would rather keep it short and sweet.
2. They glance at their phone during conversations
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It's not uncommon for someone to check their phone from time to time when hanging out with someone, but one of the unfortunate tiny social cues that reveal someone is just pretending to like you is when they seem to be more into their phone than the conversation.
There's a big difference between someone just taking a quick look at their phone versus always glancing at their device when you're in conversation with them. It's especially obvious when it's clear that they haven't gotten any type of notification, but they're just so disconnected from the interaction happening in front of them that they turn to their phone.
When someone is pretending to like you, they're not actively listening to what you have to say. Their gaze will slowly drift toward their phone as they give halfhearted responses to make it seem that they're engaged when they're really not.
3. They never volunteer to help you
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One of the most telling signs that someone doesn't like you but might just be pretending to is when they don't ever try to offer support or help when they see that you're struggling. It could be something as simple as not offering to hold your bag when they can see that it's too heavy for you, or it could be something deeper, like them noticing that you're struggling emotionally and you clearly need a shoulder to cry on.
"It's so important that we surround ourselves with people who we have fun with, who support us, and people who make us better," encouraged clinical psychologist Robert Puff. Someone who truly cares about you won't just let you suffer in silence. They'll step up and be that person you need.
But you can quickly sense when someone just doesn't have that friendly energy towards you because they would rather do anything else than be inconvenienced by what you have going on.
4. Their eyes glaze over when you get passionate
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A true friendship and connection with someone means that they get excited about the things that excite you. When you're talking about the things that intrigue you and that you're passionate about, they lean forward with curiosity, ask all the right questions, and are just engaged in what you have to say.
"When you ask genuine questions, you demonstrate that you're engaged and invested in getting to know the other person. This small act validates their experiences and makes them feel seen," explained psychologist Jennice Vilhauer.
But when someone is uninterested in the things you love to do, their eyes will glaze over and they might even become irritated with your childlike joy. When someone is pretending to like you, that spark of interest is missing entirely. Their eyes may drift around the room when you're talking, and they'll only give noncommittal responses or polite smiles but their body language pretty much says it all about how they're really feeling.
5. They never remember little details you tell them
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People who care about you and enjoy spending time with you will go out of their way to remember the small details that you tell them, even if it might seem unimportant on the surface. Those little details that they keep stored away in their memory can make you feel warm inside, knowing they took the time to really listen and understand the things you like.
However, one of the tiny social cues that reveal someone is just pretending to like you is when the small details you tell them go straight over their heads. They aren't really listening or paying attention to what makes you, you. They're just not hearing you and, therefore, they won't really remember the things you tell them.
6. They rarely disagree with you
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In real connections and relationships with people, healthy disagreements are normal and to be expected. It shows that the person cares about you and wants to engage in a healthy back-and-forth because of how invested they are in the conversation and with you.
But when someone may just be pretending to like you, a disagreement will rarely happen. Instead, they'll simply nod along to everything you're saying and keep their opinions quite vague and just to themselves.
"In particular, facing the need to argue with a close other can be energizing and motivating — the topics that bring about arguments remind us of what is important to us, from our core values to our goals for a given day," said interpersonal communication expert Jennifer A. Samp.
On the surface, it can feel like they're just someone who's always agreeable, but it can actually reveal how disconnected they are to the interaction that's happening in front of them. Conversations that seem shallow, even when you're talking about something that can be easily debated, can mean that the person just isn't all that fussed to begin with.
7. They don't pause to let you speak
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When someone might be pretending to like you, they don't really care to hear what you have to say in conversation. Instead of giving you space to talk and genuinely express your interests and opinions, they'll continue to talk over you or won't even let you have the floor in the first place.
Instead of it being a balanced conversation, it'll feel like more of a one-sided dialogue where you're forced to just listen to the other person speak and wait for your turn. The lack of a pause to give you the time to say your piece shows that they're way more focused on their own thoughts than wanting to hear yours.
8. You always have to initiate plans
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A genuine friendship and being around someone that actually likes you means they will go out of their way to schedule plans with you because they want to hang out. If you find yourself constantly having to reach out to them and ask if they're free, it might be one of the tiny social cues that reveal someone is just pretending to like you.
"If you don't have the time or energy to spend getting to know a new friend, it's going to be difficult to expand the relationship beyond being an acquaintance," insisted clinical psychologist Roxy Zarrabi.
Of course, there's the possibility that they just might be busy all of the time and have a hectic schedule so they just don't have time to reach out, but if you really want to hang out with someone, you'll make the time for them. Life does get busy and crazy sometimes, but some people are just less likely to reach out because they're just not thinking about you. Or, if they are, it's not enough for them to pick up the phone and shoot you a text or phone call.
9. They're quick to leave when plans end
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When someone actually enjoys your company and spending time with you, they'll want to stretch the hangout for as long as possible. Even if they have to go, they'll linger by the door to keep talking to you despite the fact that the two of you have said goodbye at least 20 different times.
It's because they're savoring the time spent together and they just don't want it to end. But when someone is only pretending to like you, they'll have no problem getting up and saying a swift goodbye once they're done hanging out with you. They'll be no lingering or trying to spark up one last-minute conversation before they head out the door.
10. They don't celebrate small wins with you
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One of the most genuine signs that someone actually likes you is when they're in your corner, cheering you on when you have a small victory that you're proud of. It might seem trivial to you, but they're right there, being your biggest cheerleader and celebrating with you to the point where they seem more excited than you do.
But when someone is only pretending to like you, they might not have a real reaction to the small wins that happen to you. They may politely smile or offer halfhearted words of encouragement, but their heart really isn't in it. They don't really ask any follow-up questions or something that shows they're more than happy for you. It all just seems quite surface-level.
11. They give polite but forgettable compliments
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There's definitely a difference between someone giving you a compliment that allows you to feel seen versus someone just giving you a compliment because it's the polite thing to do. When someone genuinely sees something about you, they'll cater that compliment to be specific, whether it's something regarding how much they enjoy hearing you laugh or the fact that one of your passions is interesting about you.
"Compliments don't always mean what they seem. Psychology tells us they carry more than praise — they can signal approval, express power dynamics, or unintentionally reveal bias. Compliments are a form of social currency often used to build connections, show approval, or ease awkwardness," pointed out coach and mental health advocate Sophie Riegel.
But when someone is just complimenting you out of politeness, the praise will feel as if it's been pulled from a script. They'll say something generic and won't really focus on a specific detail about you. You could easily swap out the compliments they've given you to someone else because of how standard and bland they are, because polite praise usually comes from someone that may not like you as much as you think.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
