11 Things Highly Intelligent People Stop Caring About After A Certain Age
As people age, their perspective changes.
Benevolente82 | Shutterstock As we age, many of the pressures and expectations that we have about our lives and ourselves can sometimes begin to fade away. We start to realize that they don't matter anymore, and for highly intelligent individuals, this shift means letting go of things that drain their energy. It's about them being able to recognize that not everything deserves their attention and time, even if at one point, it was something that consumed their every waking thought. It's because, as we age, our perspectives on many things naturally change, and before we know it, we've realized that things don't have to matter unless we give them the space to do so.
Highly intelligent people sometimes see that most of the things they were worrying about earlier in their lives have no substance to them. It takes more time for them actually to care about these things than anything else, and once they stop blindly following these expectations, they realize how much freer they are. Leaving behind the things that no longer serve them allows them to make space for things they truly care about and genuinely want to devote their energy to because now they're free from all that extra, unnecessary baggage.
Here are 11 things highly intelligent people stop caring about after a certain age:
1. Impressing everyone
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Highly intelligent individuals, at one point, may have been deeply concerned about how their character comes across to others. They always want to make a good first impression, but they also want people to be impressed by them in general. However, with time, these individuals often come to realize that trying to impress everyone is both exhausting and ultimately impossible.
"We might burden ourselves with the thought that we need to make others happy and that we have to change how others feel. But, the only person’s emotions that you are 100% responsible for or could hope to have control over are your own," explained clinical psychologist Julie Radico. "We cannot control the inner experiences of anyone else, and to put the pressure on yourself to do so is unrealistic and unfair."
No matter how friendly, charming, and caring you are, there will be people who just aren't able to understand you and don't care to at all. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, and it doesn't take away from your characteristics and what makes you you. Intelligent people would rather spend the time they're using trying to impress others on themselves and showing up for the people in their lives who genuinely want to be around them.
2. Winning every argument
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When people are younger, they sometimes lack the self-awareness that not every disagreement or argument needs to have a winner. It can sometimes defeat the entire purpose of having conflict with someone, especially if it's someone you care about, when all you're worried about is there being a clear loser and winner. As highly intelligent people age, they begin to realize that there's nothing beneficial about trying to win every argument.
"When we try to settle differences by winning the argument rather than seeking to find greater understanding from it, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our partner and miss the opportunity to engage in practices that can make us more skilled, loving, and responsible people," explained therapists Linda Bloom and Charlie Bloom.
Winning ever rarely changes the other person's mind, and instead of being able actually to mend the relationship and get your point across, you're more worried about needing to be right. Brilliant individuals often find that as they age, they realize the value of not always seeking to win, but rather approaching conflict with empathy and, more importantly, grace.
3. What strangers think
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For many, the weight of what strangers think about them truly determines how they feel about themselves. It's sometimes easy to measure your self-worth against how other people view you, especially when you're younger. But highly intelligent people realize that it takes a massive amount of energy to care what strangers think because no matter what, you can't change someone's opinion about you when they don't even know anything about you to begin with.
"Constantly wondering whether others like us enough can evoke anxiety, leading to neediness and insecurity, which in turn drive others away from us. This can propel a vicious cycle, resulting ultimately in a loss of self-respect and social alienation," pointed out psychologist Raj Raghunathan.
A brief interaction with a stranger shouldn't sway the confidence that you have in yourself. This awareness helps them pour more into their cup and work on their self-worth without depending on perceptions given by others. It makes life easier when you're no longer worried about how you're coming across to those who don't know your heart and soul.
4. Chasing perfection
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Highly intelligent people are constantly striving for excellence in every area of their lives. At a younger age, they may have tried to strive for perfection, and while it drove them to their ambitions, it can also be their detriment. As they get older, highly intelligent people realize that perfection is not only impossible, but they'll burn themselves out trying to achieve it.
"The key to letting go of perfectionism is learning to tolerate the anxiety that comes with living in the messy middle. Preparing for the anxiety that inevitably will rise when I offer the world something I think is less than perfect has been my most effective tool in overcoming perfectionism," insisted mental health speaker Victoria Maxwell.
Striving for perfection only leads to feeling constantly exhausted as you continue to be hard on yourself to reach levels that you don't even need to achieve in the first place. As they age, these individuals start to accept that as long as they're doing their best and are proud of the work they've completed, that's all that matters in the end.
5. Always being busy
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Being busy is sometimes worn as a badge of honor. The more packed your schedule is, the more successful you're expected to be. At a young age, highly intelligent people may have been obsessed with filling their calendars with everything and anything to further their careers and personal lives, but as they've grown older, they've realized that nothing is fulfilling about feeling overwhelmed all the time.
"By prioritizing our own need for rest and time for doing 'nothing,' we feel more balanced, more energized, and better equipped to show up for ourselves and the people counting on us," explained wellness scholar Robyne Hanley-Dafoe.
There's more productivity in being able to rest because once you've relaxed, you can tackle all of your responsibilities with a new sense of urgency. Being busy all the time is not rewarding when you neglect everything else, such as sleep and spending time alone. Rest and reflection are ways to replenish your energy and recharge yourself.
6. Over-apologizing
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It's easy to fall into the trap of always saying "sorry," especially if you're someone who's overly empathetic and worries about hurting others' feelings. Highly intelligent individuals have often felt the need to over-apologize as a way to demonstrate their politeness and to convey that they genuinely regret their actions that may have hurt someone else.
"Just because you feel anxious doesn’t mean you did something wrong that requires an apology. Once you get some distance from the situation, if you still think you need to apologize (and you’re confident you’re not doing it to mitigate the distress), go for it. The key is to respond to the situation versus your feelings," said cognitive behavioral therapist Joanna Hardis.
However, as they age, many of these individuals come to realize that over-apologizing has the opposite effect. By taking the time to self-reflect, they can conclude that instead of always apologizing, it's better to share their thoughts and opinions from a place of respect, rather than trying to shrink themselves as a way to appease others.
7. Feeling guilty for saying 'no'
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Many people spend a significant portion of their younger years struggling to establish a clear boundary of knowing when to say 'no' to things. Whether it's because they have FOMO and need to be there or because they struggle with people-pleasing tendencies, it can be challenging to avoid disappointing others and possibly even damaging relationships if they don't take it well.
However, for highly intelligent individuals, as they age, they realize that always saying 'yes' does them a disservice. At the expense of their energy and time, sometimes saying 'no' is better, especially when you don't feel like doing something. It shows that you have enough self-respect to have boundaries with the people in your life and that you're protecting your peace by sometimes spending time alone.
8. Being ashamed of their passions
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Whether it's a nerdy obsession or an unconventional hobby, highly intelligent people learn not to be ashamed of their passions, regardless of how they may appear to those who don't understand them. From a young age, they have been a bit insecure about what others would think about their nerdy habits because they didn't want to be judged or teased for not "fitting in," but as they've gotten older, they've learned to embrace their quirks.
They begin to realize that their passions make them unique above all else, and that's what's most interesting about them. By embracing their passions, they allow their authentic selves to shine through, and others can see that. The right people won't make you feel small for the things you love.
9. Their age
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Age can often be seen as an invisible monster that we need to fight, especially while we're still young. We're almost taught to fear aging even though it's a beautiful process that shows the kind of life you've lived and the fact that you were blessed to age in the first place. As brilliant people age, they shed that shame and truly start to embrace everything that comes with growing older.
They realize that their age isn't a determining factor for their potential and worth. Life doesn't peak at a certain decade, and if you let it, it can continue to become amazing and fulfilling as you get older. Highly intelligent people stop measuring themselves by their age and the things they can accomplish. Instead, they lean into every age with nothing but gratitude and joy.
10. Holding grudges
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As highly intelligent people age, they often come to realize that holding grudges against others yields no benefits. It's not that they allow people to walk all over them or that they forget what has happened to them, but that they don't let that anger and negative energy sit with them. Holding onto anger doesn't do much for the person who's hurt and ends up quietly draining their energy and peace.
Time spent harboring resentment means you're not allowing yourself the opportunity to move on and realize that there are better relationships to be had with people who respect you. You shouldn't let the hurt define you or how you move with others that you encounter.
11. Overthinking small decisions
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Overthinking can often be a way people attempt to feel in control, but as highly intelligent individuals age and gain more perspective, they realize that small decisions shouldn't exhaust them mentally. They would rather trust their own judgment when it comes to these tiny choices in life and save their mental energy for more meaningful decisions.
Overthinking these minute details only comes from a place of fear, but being able to trust their instincts more means that they can accept that not every detail will be perfect. Sometimes, even making these small mistakes means that you'll learn more about yourself in the process, so it's often better to lean into them than try to avoid them because of this innate fear that something could go wrong.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
