Women Who Stop Being Nice To Everyone As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons
They're not worried about protecting other people's feelings at the expense of their own.
Jasteri | Shutterstock Even though women are taught to be agreeable, quiet, and giving from a young age, usually in the face of misguided social norms and rules, as they get older, it's possible to unlearn them. Whether it's standing up for themselves at work, walking away from toxic relationships, or simply setting boundaries with strangers in conversation, they're not afraid to stop being nice to people who don't offer them the same kindness and respect in return.
While there are many double standards aging women face and struggle with, specifically when it comes to shifting away from an agreeable attitude toward a more self-involved and empowered lifestyle, women who stop being nice to everyone as they get older usually have certain reasons that add to their quality of life. Even if it means unlearning people-pleasing lessons and leaning on their own self-esteem, they're not worried about appeasing others at their own expense.
Here are 11 reasons women who stop being nice to everyone as they get older usually have
1. They've outgrown people-pleasing
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Many women are pressured into agreeable attitudes, people-pleasing behaviors, and more emotional labor than their male counterparts from a young age, often rooted in patriarchal norms and societal rules that sabotage true empowerment and self-esteem.
As they get older and build their own sense of self-esteem and identity, even if that means unlearning misguided notions of womanhood and social expectations to get there, they're much less worried about appeasing others. They stop being nice to everyone who doesn't deserve their kindness and start pouring energy into those who respect them without obligation.
2. They're tired of being dismissed
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Feeling heard is part of what builds personal self-esteem and protects relationship well-being, which is why women who stop being nice to everyone as they get older usually start to prioritize it. They're tired of being dismissed, interrupted, and overlooked — whether it's in their personal relationships or in the workplace — so they've stopped caring about pleasing others who take up their space.
Even if that means setting uncomfortable boundaries and having hard conversations, they're going to advocate for their space and their need to feel heard.
3. They sense toxic kindness
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According to psychologist Mark Travers, fake positivity is more harmful than it may seem, even if it's rooted in people-pleasing or misguided empathy to a fault. Not only does it urge the person indulging it to suppress their own emotions and build unrealistic expectations in their relationships, it encourages everyone involved to adopt a misguided sense of authenticity that leaves them feeling unheard and overlooked.
Women who stop being nice to everyone as they get older have a sixth sense for toxic and fake positivity. They no longer keep a smile on their face or people-please in the face of toxicity to make other people feel comfortable, but they also don't accept fake kindness from others in social interactions and situations.
4. They're confident
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Whether it's a dismissal of toxic media and societal standards for aging women, a growth in general self-esteem as they get older, or a shift to more assertive behaviors, women who stop being nice to everyone later in life generally feel more confident.
They're not afraid to advocate for themselves and make their voices heard, even if that means making toxic individuals feel uncomfortable or people reliant on misguided double standards angry. Their confidence has grown with age and given them the self-esteem and self-concept to thrive, whether they're getting along with the people around them or not.
5. They don't accept unsolicited advice
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While many women may feel pressured to accept unsolicited advice and "mansplaining" from men, especially early in life, women who stop being nice to everyone as they get older may simply be tired of making space for it. They know what they want, what they need, and how to solve their problems, so when they vent to someone, they're often looking for support, not unprompted help or solutions.
Like a study from Psychological Science suggests, women who receive unsolicited advice are more likely to be left feeling less confident and valued after the conversation, which is why it's important to set boundaries.
If that person isn't willing to respect those boundaries and simply listen when they speak, that's their cue to walk away — even if decades prior they might have stuck around, people-pleased, and tolerated this behavior at the expense of their well-being.
6. They're direct
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Truly confident and self-assured women later in life aren't worried about appealing to everyone. They're not going to sugarcoat their needs or overlook their emotions for the sake of "being nice" to people who don't deserve it or respect them.
Even if it's in the workplace, the most successful women are the ones that frame their needs and competency from a direct self-assured perspective, like philanthropist Sheryl Sandberg explains, not from an agreeable and insecure one.
7. They don't need a partner
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While many women are taught from a young age that their destiny is to settle down, get married, and have kids — while their male counterparts were celebrated in chasing a career or personal fulfillments — many of the most confident and successful women have unlearned those misguided expectations.
Even if they did get married or find a partner, they know that their self-worth has nothing to do with their relationship status or their children — it's internal and rooted in their own self-assuredness. Knowing that they don't need a partner or male validation to feel secure is part of the reason they may stop being nice to everyone as they get older.
They don't tolerate toxic partners or misguided dating experiences, and instead put their own success, self-worth, and needs first. If being single is their calling, they're not trying to please people and justify their decision to others, or be nice to people who only view them as childbearers or wives.
8. They're tired of superficial connections
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Many people prefer deeper connections and more meaningful relationships as they get older, according to a study from Psychology and Aging, which is part of the reason many self-assured women stop being nice to everyone as they get older.
They know basic empathy and kindness is a fundamental practice, but they don't waste energy indulging in small talk and superficial conversations with people who don't deserve their time.
Especially considering many women tend to deal with emotional and physical fatigue at higher rates as they get older, they're conservative with their time, energy, and effort, focusing on the people and relationships that truly add value to their lives.
9. They don't feel pressured to explain themselves
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Many women are taught that if they're not following societal standards, they should be forced to over-explain themselves and justify their behaviors. However, self-assured and confident women — who fulfill themselves internally and comfort their own needs — don't feel pressured into these behaviors anymore.
Even if that means they're perceived to be more rude or aggressive by strangers — usually in comparison to their male counterparts being celebrated for indulging the same behaviors, like a Stanford report suggests — they don't mind for the sake of their mental, physical, and emotional well-being.
10. They trust their gut
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Many women grow more intuitive and socially aware as they age — with life experience, prior relationships, and a wealth of self-esteem to support them. Like a study from Personality and Individual Differences suggests, they tend to develop faster reaction times and more decision-making accuracy than their male counterparts with age, which is part of the reason they're less nice to everyone as they get older.
They can sense when someone is being condescending, fake nice, or even toxic, even in one conversation, so they're more intentional with how they spend their energy and time.
11. They prefer to be alone
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Even with a wealth of experience, heightened self-esteem, and social awareness, many women would prefer to spend time alone as they get older. Especially if they're juggling relationships, work responsibilities, and family duties all at the same time, any extra solitude they can carve out is important to protect.
They may simply be less nice to other people because they'd prefer to be alone — leveraging the benefits of solitude and making the most of their alone time to live a happier, more fulfilling life.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
