11 Phrases People Say When They’re Not OK, But Don’t Want To Talk About It
Sometimes people who don't feel OK just want to keep their thoughts to themselves.
Plekhanov Anton / Shutterstock Sure, others might encourage their loved ones to keep their head up. But the reality of life is this: it's okay not to be okay. It might sound strange, but the whole fake it until you make it mentality has absolutely destroyed people's mental health for the worse.
Instead of opening up during times of need, most are taught to bury their emotions, without a second thought. While research has shown that suppressing emotions often leaves negative emotions intact, people sometimes use phrases to let others know that they're not okay, but they don't want to talk about it. Sure, these common phrases might be uttered a million times a day, but just because it's normal doesn't mean it's not problematic. Remember: hiding one's emotions for the sake of others isn't just a burden on the person, but it's a burden on their loved ones as well.
11 phrases people say when they're not okay, but don't want to talk about
1. 'I'm fine, please don't worry about me'
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The first phrase people say when they're not ok, but don't want to talk about it, is, "I'm fine, please don't worry about me." One of the main reasons people hide their emotions from their loved ones is that they're too ashamed or embarrassed to admit how they feel.
People who secretly aren't okay often try to mask their emotions by reassuring others that everything is fine, not wanting to come across as whiny or overbearing. However, this can have the opposite effect, as hiding those emotions might only make things worse.
According to licensed psychologist La Keita D. Carter, PsyD, LP, "The problem is that suppressing our feelings can intensify them. And if we do that long enough, those feelings can transition to a chronic problem." Even worse, these intensified emotions can leak into their relationship with others, impacting them for the worse.
2. 'It's whatever, I'm over it'
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Growing up, some kids are taught to get over their emotions, as other people have it worse. It's unfortunate, but it's been ingrained in them that their intense emotions were momentary lapses of judgment that would eventually be resolved, so long as they ignored the issue at hand. As a result, these kids grow into adults who no longer care or look into how they're feeling. Rather than address the problem at hand or express how they feel, a phrase people say when they're not ok, but don't want to talk about it, is, "It's whatever, I'm over it."
Sorry to say, but people can't get over it if they never address the issue in the first place. Despite what some might think, allowing people to step over them without ever speaking up or asserting boundaries is bound to backfire. According to a study published in Emotion, expressive suppression is associated with lower relationship satisfaction. So, regardless of what people may think, it's important to have those one-on-one conversations; otherwise, it might just make the situation a whole lot worse.
3. 'I'm just tired'
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Sometimes, people don't want to say what's on their mind right away, and that's more than fine. Maybe it's because they're afraid, or maybe it's because they don't truly know how they feel. Regardless, a phrase people say when they're not ok, but don't want to talk about it, is, "I'm just tired."
When someone says, "I'm just tired," it's either because they're truly tired or so emotionally drained that they don't want to talk about it. And while there's nothing wrong with saving a tough conversation for another day, be sure not to ignore the issue for too long.
Remember: dishonesty and a refusal to be open can make people who are not ok feel more lonely. According to a study published in Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, social isolation can lead to depression, poor sleep quality, impaired executive function, accelerated cognitive decline, poor cardiovascular function, and impaired immunity at every stage of life. So, even if it's hard, people should never avoid uncomfortable conversations. Not only does it make them feel better, but it can also make them feel less alone, which is always a plus.
4. 'I'm used to it'
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One of the saddest things about people who suppress themselves constantly is that they're so used to doing it that they no longer see a problem with it. Still, just because they're used to it doesn't make it okay, which is why a phrase people say when they're not okay, but don't want to talk about it, is, "I'm used to it."
After going through so much with a forced nonchalant attitude, people who are not okay tend to disassociate completely. According to Blank, "Dissociation is the brain's natural response to overwhelming stress, involving changes in brain regions, neurotransmitters, and hormones."
However, this is far from ideal, as finding ways to escape these stressful moments without ever addressing the impact is bound to backfire. And while re-addressing trauma isn't always a good thing, at the bare minimum, acknowledging it for what it is is pretty important. As licensed counselor Diana Tutschek, M.S., explained, "Unaddressed childhood trauma affects adult attachment, trust, and communication in intimate relationships."
So, if someone has truly experienced trauma, they don't have to keep re-telling and living the same experience. Still, at the very least, they should be seeking professional help, as allowing trauma to go unchecked can impact them and those around them for the worse.
5. 'I'm just busy'
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How many people have used the excuse, "I'm busy," to get out of something? Whether it's family events or avoiding tough emotions, there's no denying that 'I'm busy" all too often means pushing something to the side. And while some people might truly have no time to spare, typically, a phrase people say when they're not ok, but don't want to talk about it, is, "I'm just busy."
Unfortunately, some people struggle to communicate effectively with others. Rather than saying, "I'm not ready to open up," people who are not okay will often use excuses to avoid facing their true feelings. However, this isn't great for them in the long run, as hiding will only isolate them more.
According to Health Promotion in Health Care – Vital Theories and Research, this is dangerous, as social support is great not just for mental health, but for overall quality of life as well. So, while it might be tempting to say, "I'm just busy," it's much better to admit those tough emotions and simply say, "I'm not okay, but I'm not ready to talk about it now." That way, people aren't accidentally isolating themselves from their loved ones.
6. 'I don't want to burden anyone'
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Most people want to protect their loved ones in any way possible. Whether it's protecting them from others or protecting their loved ones for themselves, the lengths people will go to bring peace can sometimes be costly. This is why a phrase people say when they're not ok, but don't want to talk about it, is, "I don't want to burden anyone."
It isn't surprising, but people who aren't okay don't want to burden others with their negativity. Sure, their loved ones might not mind it, but whether it's because of embarrassment or guilt, people who are secretly not ok will almost always avoid having those tough conversations.
According to retired clinical psychologist and professor Leon F Seltzer, PhD, one of the main reasons for this has to do with fear. He explained, "But in reality, the major motives for hiding our emotions are (as I've already indicated) fear-based. We're just afraid to look weak or susceptible to others."
This is why many people who are secretly not ok will almost always mention their fear of being a burden. While it might sound silly to their loved ones, one of the main reasons for not opening up is because of their fear of being a burden. So, even if it sounds silly, always create a safe space and reassure them. Believe it or not, that can go a long way.
7. 'It'll pass'
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Another phrase people say when they're not ok, but don't want to talk about it is, "it'll pass." Sure, tough emotions and unpleasant situations will eventually come to pass. However, just because they'll pass doesn't mean people need to shut others out or, worse, pretend that it isn't impacting them.
Even if it's hard, always remember that loved ones are there to support. And while those who are not okay think they're being resilient, in actuality, there's a strength that comes with being emotionally vulnerable. Not only does vulnerability help increase social support, but according to a study published in 2018, social support is associated with positive self-esteem.
So, while it might be tempting to say, "It'll pass," if people truly want to be resilient and confident when facing these challenges, confide in others. Even if it's hard, those who truly care will always be willing to lend an ear.
8. 'I'm managing'
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Life is a struggle nowadays. Whether it's drowning in bills or drowning in relationships, most people put on their brave face and pretend that they're not crashing out. For the most part, this can work as people push aside those nagging feelings and continue hustling and doing what they need to do.
However, it should go without saying that if someone is truly struggling, they should seek professional help. Otherwise, what they think they're managing might just lead to complete burnout. As a study published in the International Journal of Public Health reaffirmed, emotional stress can absolutely lead to burnout.
So, if someone is truly 'managing' things without feeling burned out completely, congratulations. However, as it stands, a phrase people say when they're not ok, but don't want to talk about it, is, "I'm managing."
9. 'I'll be okay'
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There's true strength and resilience in someone being able to reassure themselves. That no matter what life throws their way, they're more than prepared to meet it with the mindset of, "Everything will be okay." However, don't get too caught up in trying always to remain positive.
While positivity is great, being upfront and honest with those tough emotions is also equally important. Still, this doesn't change the fact that a phrase people say when they're not ok, but don't want to talk about it, is, "I'll be okay." Sometimes, it's ok to say, "Maybe I'm not going to be ok for a while."
Despite what others may think, constantly forcing oneself to be positive can be pretty exhausting and unhelpful. So, while doing their best to think positively is great, don't get too caught up in staying positive that you neglect your true emotions. Remember: life is about balance, at the end of the day.
10. 'I'm just in my head right now'
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When someone doesn't know how to address their emotions or dismisses their emotions, they often believe that the way they feel is all in their head. This is why a phrase people say when they're not ok, but don't want to talk about it, is, "I'm just in my head right now."
While admitting that they're 'in their head' might be the first step to acceptance, all too often do these individuals use this phrase to belittle how they're feeling. Whether it's because they were taught that their emotions weren't important, individuals who can't admit the severity of how they're feeling will almost unintentionally push themselves away from others.
As most can imagine, this is far from ideal, and if they're not careful, it can have devastating consequences on their overall health. So, rather than saying, "I'm just in my head right now," it's better to say, "Sorry, I just need space to think right now." They don't have to completely open up, but not dismissing the severity is the first step to being comfortable enough to talk about it.
11. 'I don't want to make a big deal out of things right now'
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Finally, the last phrase people say when they're not ok, but don't want to talk about it is, "I don't want to make a big deal out of things right now." Always remember that those tough emotions people are feeling are never 'a big deal.' While it might seem that way, emotions aren't meant to be a burden. They're meant to be a reflection.
And sure, coming to realizations about oneself is far from easy. Even worse is opening up and being vulnerable. Still, while vulnerability might be terrifying, refusing to minimize oneself allows one to advocate for oneself, set better boundaries, and lead to greater happiness.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
