11 Phrases People Raised With Old-School Manners Never Say
These people come from a time when manners were a must and have held on to them ever since.
HI_Pictures In today's society, old-school manners are a lost art. This fast-moving, filter-free world seemingly has no room for timeless etiquette and a proper code of conduct. So, when you come across a person who learned to mind their manners early in life and has held onto those ideals ever since, they seem different from the norm.
You won't find them saying dismissive, disrespectful, or self-centered things because they grew up in an environment where respect was mandatory. They might not fit seamlessly into today's straightforward and sometimes less-than-tactful communication style, but in a world filled with unnecessary noise, people with old-school manners leave a lasting impression.
Here are 11 phrases that people raised with old-school manners never say
1. 'That's not my problem'
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If you were raised with good values, you are the type of person who will lend a helping hand whenever possible. Even when something truly is not your problem, you know that you don't necessarily have to take responsibility for it, but there is a gracious way to bow out or to offer limited assistance.
Your old-school manners have instilled in you the understanding that there is always something you can do, even when rejecting another person. You have a way of turning them away that doesn't feel hurtful or like a lack of accountability. Instead, they walk away remembering how you made them feel, even if you weren't able to resolve their problem.
2. 'What do you even do all day?'
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People with old-school manners have a clear understanding that stay-at-home parents, retirees, or those who are simply exhausted are not lazily lying around. They get that a job is not the only value a person brings to this world, and that there will be times where someone's contributions cannot be quantified from the outside looking in.
If you were raised right, you probably would never disrespect someone's efforts or make them feel as if they are beneath you. You value people's time, not how it is spent. You know that everything an individual brings to the table is not tangible. It cannot be seen, heard, or touched, but can certainly be felt.
3. 'You should...'
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Having old-school manners means not offering unsolicited advice. You are fully aware that you don't know everything and that your perspective may not always be the right one, so you avoid telling people what they should do at all costs. You don't want to make anyone feel disrespected or judged, and know that a few misplaced words can ruin a relationship forever.
Instead of telling people what to do, a well-mannered person might ask them probing questions that lead them to their own solutions and conclusions. For example, they might ask, "Have you considered...?" or "How would you feel if...?" That allows the other party to guide the discussion and keeps your thoughts to yourself unless you are asked.
4. 'I don't have time for this'
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There may be times when a person is truly pressed for time and not able to give adequate attention to the matter at hand. Then there are moments when the conversation is undesirable and they don't want to discuss it, as this time or any other time. It's all about how you say it.
Even when busy, a person who has old-school manners will excuse themself politely. Their demeanor will make it evident that they would if they could, but have existing commitments that don't give them the bandwidth. Dismissiveness is not part of a well-intentioned person's repertoire. They know that it only takes a moment to make a lasting impression and want theirs to be one of politeness.
5. 'You look tired'
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When a person tells you how exhausted you look, they might mean well, but there is no great way to deliver that message. It's a case of the outcome never matching the desired impact. While you see the revelation as a sign of care and concern, the person on the receiving end could feel slighted. It is a direct assault on their appearance, and they don't like it.
Old-school manners inspire you to handle an exchange like this in a more helpful way that might be better received. You might ask if they need anything, or try to relate to how exhausting life can be before gently offering a hand. Otherwise, saying "You look tired" comes off as passive-aggressive and mean-spirited.
6. 'Calm down'
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If you really want to escalate an already tense situation, tell someone to calm down. They will immediately take offense, especially if they are already at their personal level of calm. The statement will come off as accusatory and an attempt to silence them. People with real manners know that how relaxed a person is varies based on who is judging their emotions.
Making assumptions about another person's mental state will do nothing to resolve conflict. It illustrates a desire to control the conversation by making them feel as if their reactions are over the top. A high-intensity conversation should be handled with empathy and understanding, not presumption and minimization.
7. 'That's stupid'
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Blatantly telling someone that what they are saying or doing is stupid is obviously bad manners. There are not a lot of positive responses that might come after you say it. No one wants to be labeled not-so-smart, and the fact that you can open your mouth and utter those offensive words with no qualms about it lets everyone no that manners have left the building.
If you do happen to have old-school manners, you know how to disagree respectfully. Just because someone has a different opinion than you do doesn't mean you have the right to tear them down. You might instead say, "That's interesting. Have you thought about...?" instead of insulting someone's intelligence.
8. 'I'm just being honest'
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These days, people say rude things under the guise that they are being authentic, transparent, and honest. They let everyone who will listen know that they have "no filter" and will likely say things that will get under your skin. But don't worry about it. At least they are being honest, and who can be mad at that?
Bluntness is not an excuse to demean or hurt other people. It's not a testament to your superior style of saying what you mean without limits. The truth can be told in a kind and loving way. Timing, tone, and tact are key factors in delivering hard information or having tough conversations. It's not always what you say. It's how you say it.
9. 'Whatever'
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You are likely not a person with old-school manners if you dismiss people mid-conversation by saying "Whatever." It's a way of letting them know that you do not care about what they think or have to say. You are not interested in the interaction and can't be bothered to find common ground. You are definitely ill-mannered and dismissive.
Good manners mean you listen actively, then respond. You might repeat back what they said to ensure understanding or even agree to disagree. But they walk away from you feeling seen and heard, even if they didn't get the desired outcome. Most people don't really need you to act, they just need you to listen.
10. 'Why are you so sensitive?'
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Sensitivity is, well, a sensitive subject. We can't dictate how sensitive another person should be or whether their level of sensitivity is appropriate. It's dismissive and undermines a person's emotions to be accused of overreacting to something important to them. A person with old-school manners allows people to feel how they feel without judging them.
Mocking or disregarding someone's emotions is cruel. It's not clever to head their feelings off at the pass by shaming them or attempting to limit their vulnerability. People who have real manners offer comfort when a person needs it. They don't engage in belittling them and want them to have a safe space to openly express themselves.
11. 'That's not fair to me'
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People who lack manners think it's all about them. They prioritize self over group dynamics and believe the sun rises and sets with them. They might take your concerns and twist them to be a slight towards them, effectively shutting you down and putting you on the defense.
If you have old-school manners, you know how to work with others and come to mutually-beneficial resolutions. You know that everything doesn't revolve around you, so things won't always go your way. Instead of playing the victim, you find ways to connect and do things in a way that feels fair to everyone involved.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
