People Who Can’t Handle Ever Being Wrong Usually Say These 11 Things
People who can't handle being wrong are often too uncomfortable with themselves to face the idea of growth.
Ground Picture / Shutterstock Taking accountability and having the resources to take responsibility for mistakes is rooted in personal self-esteem and self-worth. People who are secure in their identity and internally gratified are more comfortable with the idea that mistakes equates to success, growth, and connection with the right accountability, while insecure people seeking validation associate it with failure and inadequacy.
In conversations with people lacking self-worth and intentionality, they may rely on a number of behaviors, habits, and blame-shifting strategies to get out of owning up to their mistakes, even if doing so would boost their self-esteem and social perceptions of competency. People who can’t handle ever being wrong usually say other things, trying desperately to “win” arguments, play the victim, and avoid the discomfort of vulnerability.
People who can’t handle ever being wrong usually say these 11 things
1. ‘That’s your opinion’
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Many people avoid the benefits of constructive criticism, viewing it as hurtful in the face of their own internal fragility, by turning their back to self-awareness and growth. Rather than accepting the uncomfortable reality that they have room to grow, whether it’s at work or in their personal relationships, they try to avoid these conversations.
Other people are always overstepping, overreacting, or plain wrong for pointing out their mistakes and opening up doors for growth, so they avoid the growth of challenge and even keep themselves endlessly stuck in a cycle of stagnancy and insecurity.
2. ‘That’s not what I said’
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According to mental health consultant Jamie Cannon, many people refuse to take accountability for their own actions, behaviors, and words because they view mistakes as failure. If someone is hurt by their feelings or if they make a wrong decision, they think those mistakes define their entire identity or social perception, so they avoid them vehemently.
Rather than saying “yes, I made a mistake” or “I’m sorry” for a misjudgment or mistake, they double-down on their ignorance, using phrases like “that’s not what I said” or “you’re twisting my words” to make other people feel crazy for questioning them.
3. ‘Nobody else thinks that’
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To rationalize their mistakes and isolate the person who’s pushing them toward accountability, people who can’t handle ever being wrong usually say these things. They’ll use “nobody else thinks that” or “I’ve never heard that before” to justify not apologizing or taking responsibility, even if it means sabotaging their relationship with that person or the environment they’re in.
As a study from the Child Psychiatry & Human Development journal argues, insecure or self-conscious people don’t lack self-awareness, it’s just used in unhelpful ways in their daily life, like recognizing and weaponizing other people’s insecurities and feeding their misguided self-soothing avoidance.
4. ‘You’re too sensitive’
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Instead of apologizing for hurting another person’s feelings or taking accountability for misbehavior, people who can’t handle ever being wrong usually say something like “you’re too sensitive” to place blame on others. Now, they’re no longer the person in the spotlight. They’re suggesting that someone else is wrong for expressing their hurt or seeking an apology.
In some cases, placing blame on others is a way to cope with ambiguity and provide explanations for uncertain behaviors, like a study from the PLOS One journal suggests, but most of the time, especially in the presence of a person like this, it’s a self-protective measure that pushes other people into a negative spotlight.
5. ‘It’s just the way I am’
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According to experts from the Center for Couples Counseling, taking accountability for mistakes isn’t always easy or comfortable, even in our closest relationships, but it is necessary to build trust, cultivate better confidence and security, and personally grow into the best version of ourselves.
Phrases like “that’s just the way I am” or “I can’t change now” are simply excuses. They are justifications for a person’s inability to take accountability or face discomfort to promote their own growth. They consistently self-sabotage themselves in the workplace, their dating life, and within their routines, because rather than leaning into the discomfort of challenge and change, they stay stagnant and make excuses.
6. ‘That’s not my problem’
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You can’t control other people’s behavior, actions, or responses, so in some ways, a phrase like this is actually a healthy way to protect your emotional wellbeing and to set boundaries with other people. However, when it’s used to make excuses for misbehavior and justify hurting other people’s feelings without reservation, it can become a problem.
However, as psychologist David Schnarch argues, people who can’t control themselves or soothe their own emotional turmoil try to control other people, using phrases like this to blame them for their own ignorance, rudeness, or cruelty.
7. ‘That was in the past’
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If every single thing that was in the past was simply ignored, avoided, or suppressed, we’d have millions of people coping with the incredibly unhealthy consequences of unresolved trauma, low self-esteem, and social isolation. Acknowledging concerns in relationships, healing from past trauma, and having uncomfortable conversations about how you’ve been hurt by others is the key to personal growth.
But, people who can’t handle ever being wrong usually say things like "that’s in the past" to avoid accountability and the discomfort of their own mistakes. They’d prefer to sweep everything under the rug rather than provide closure, clarity, and support to other people they’ve hurt.
8. ‘I don’t remember that’
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In the same way people weaponize incompetence to avoid doing household chores they hate, people who can’t handle ever being wrong weaponize their own memory or ignorance to avoid apologizing or taking responsibility for their mistakes.
They use phrases like “I don’t remember that” or “I don’t recall” to avoid taking responsibility, leaving other people feeling unheard, unsupported, and invalidated for expressing their hurt and leaning into the discomfort of honesty.
9. ‘Whatever’
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By minimizing other people’s voices and invalidating their concerns, people who can’t handle ever being wrong protect themselves from vulnerability, even at the expense of other people’s wellbeing. They sabotage their relationships, set themselves up for failure, and isolate themselves from healthy communication because they don’t listen to people unless it’s positive praise.
They say things like “whatever” and “I’m not listening” to avoid these conversations, avoiding “conflict” and pushing other people away for instant comfort.
10. ‘You don’t understand’
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When they feel like they’re not actively “winning” an argument or someone else is clearly more knowledgeable about a specific subject, people who can’t handle ever being wrong usually say something like “you just don’t understand” or “that’s not what I’m saying.”
They spend all their energy trying to hide their incompetence or insecurity that they often avoid true connection, opportunities for growth, and healthy challenges.
11. ‘You’re not perfect’
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Instead of taking accountability, sitting with another person’s concerns, apologizing, and actively listening to others, people who can’t handle ever being wrong usually say things like “well, you’re not perfect either.”
They push attention away from themselves and try to rationalize their hurtful behavior or mistakes by blaming other people. Of course, people don’t have to be “perfect” or “flawless” to express their emotions and seek accountability from others. That’s a natural part of any healthy relationship, regardless of personal integrity or self-esteem.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
