11 Things Unhappy People Do That Seem Awful To Everyone Else
Deeply unhappy people often cling to self-defeating habits that other people would never let keep them down.
Bits And Splits / Shutterstock Everyone has met someone who is chronically unhappy, regardless of what happens in their life. Whether they're winning big in life or losing, they always seem to be miserable, even when they're handed everything they've ever wanted. And while their loved ones do their best to be there for them, there are things unhappy people do that seem awful to everyone else.
Sure, it might be that their life is falling apart, but there are behaviors that unhappy people engage in that keep things from getting better. From talking badly about others to demeaning themselves, these behaviors contribute to their bad mood and make those around them uncomfortable.
These are 11 things unhappy people do that seem awful to everyone else
1. They constantly complain
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The first thing unhappy people do that seems awful to everyone else is that they constantly complain. Yes, life can be tough, and with rising costs, it's truly no wonder that people don't complain more. Yet, despite how difficult things have become, there's a need to balance between complaining and expressing gratitude.
After all, nobody wants to be around someone who can only express negativity, even if it's their closest friends or family members. Not only is it draining and awful for everyone else, but it doesn't truly help in the grand scheme of things. According to Monica Vermani, C. Psych., "Negative bias can leave us anxious and full of self-doubt; it can work against our best interests."
Despite this, unhappy people will continue to complain without a second thought. Maybe it's because it's second nature to them at this point, but there's no denying that continuing down this road is bound to make an already miserable person more miserable.
2. They hold onto grudges
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There's no worse feeling than trusting someone, only to have them betray your trust in the end. As most people know, it takes a considerable amount of strength and bravery to open up to others completely. This is why it's especially hurtful to have one's trust betrayed, as they're forced to start all over again.
That being said, one thing unhappy people do that seems awful to everyone else is that they don't know how to let go of grudges. Call them bitter, but if someone did them dirty, they aren't too keen on letting bygones be bygones. After giving them chance after chance, there's only so much a person can take.
And while it's understandable why unhappy people feel this way, holding grudges isn't a good thing, as forgiveness has been cited to be better for mental health. According to Harvard Health, forgiveness is associated with lower levels of depression, anxiety, and hostility, higher self-esteem, and greater life satisfaction. With this in mind, remember: forgiveness isn't for them, it's for you.
3. They play the victim
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There's no denying that some people are truly victims of bad situations or bad people. From boyfriends cheating to family members berating them, there are times when someone has the right to say they were victimized. Yet, most situations aren't always black or white.
Despite what unhappy people will have others think, there are always three sides to a story: yours, the other person's, and the truth. Still, this doesn't stop an unhappy person from going through a full breakdown, as one of the things unhappy people do that seems awful to everyone else is always play the victim.
Playing the victim isn't just exhausting, it stunts people's growth. As Judith Orloff, M.D., said, "People with a victim mentality won't take responsibility for their actions and feel that people are always against them." As a result, they'll refuse to do the inner work necessary to grow, causing them to become stunted.
So, while it might feel good to place blame somewhere else, in the long run, it might secretly cause people to distance themselves, as they become tired of the same old excuses and behavior.
4. They expect the worst in every situation
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Yes, it's important to prepare for the worst. As much as people would like for things to work out in their favor, there are moments in which people must prepare for the worst. Even so, an unhappy thing people do that seems awful to everyone else is that they expect the worst in every situation.
While there's nothing wrong with preparing for the worst, automatically expecting failure is a bit toxic. Not only is it unhelpful, but according to associate professor of philosophy Iskra Fileva, Ph.D., "There are, however, cases in which belief in the worst possible outcome is not protective. It does not serve to quiet anxiety. If anything, it makes things worse."
With this in mind, it's important for people to keep their chin up as staying positive is crucial during moments of doubt. Believe in yourself and remember that even if you fail, through failure, you can learn and become stronger.
5. They seek drama
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If most people were being honest, they'd admit to liking a little bit of drama. Whether it's watching "Love Island" or hearing their best friend's tea, everyone is a bit nosey. Despite this, most people prefer to keep actual drama in their lives to a minimum, as they're too stressed to deal with theatrics.
However, one thing unhappy people do that seems awful to everyone else is that they seek drama. Maybe it's because they're emotionally stunted or simply refuse to voice how they're actually feeling. Either way, it doesn't stop unhappy people from making a small situation into a complete disaster.
From starting rumors to betraying friends, their toxic actions cause those around them to either distance themselves or to become just as toxic as they are. As psychologist George S. Everly, Jr., PhD, ABPP, FACLP, explained, "Toxic people can spread unhappiness and personal suffering. They ultimately poison things with which they come in touch: other people, careers, businesses, marriages, and especially children."
So, if someone has a toxic person in their life that's a drama starter, don't walk, run!
6. They avoid accountability
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Let's face it: taking accountability is never fun. No matter how small the mistake is, most people don't want to admit they were wrong, even if they clearly were. As licensed psychologist Guy Winch, Ph.D., said, "Some people have such a fragile ego, such brittle self-esteem, such a weak 'psychological constitution,' that admitting they made a mistake or that they were wrong is fundamentally too threatening for their egos to tolerate."
Even so, people find the courage to apologize as their love for their relationships matters more than their ego. However, one thing unhappy people do that seems awful to everyone else is that they avoid accountability. While accountability might be hard, it is necessary.
After accidentally hurting a friend or family member, the last thing someone should want to do is rub salt in the wound by refusing to apologize. Yet, this is exactly what happens as unhappy people refuse to take accountability. Blame it on their already low confidence and fragile ego, but unhappy people will reinforce the idea that they're right, even when they clearly aren't, causing their closest loved ones to run away.
7. They shut down emotionally
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It's unfortunate, but some people were raised by parents who weren't the most emotionally intelligent. From screaming at their kids for small mistakes to cruelly shutting down their emotions, individuals grow into pretty miserable adults. As a result, one thing unhappy people do that seems awful to everyone else is that they shut down emotionally.
From confrontations with friends to sit-down conversations with coworkers, unhappy people struggle to process their emotions. And while it might not have been their fault in the past, now, as adults, there are two types of people in this world: those who refuse to grow and those who take the active steps to become the best version of themselves.
Yet, for those who shut down emotionally, they haven't done the inner work, causing them to regress. This isn't great, as this can lead to loneliness, which, according to the American Psychological Association, can lead to depression, poor quality sleep, or impaired executive function.
So, if someone in your life is like this, don't waste too much energy. While people would like to help them, you can't help someone unless they help themselves.
8. They cling to toxic relationships
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Another thing unhappy people do that seems awful to everyone else is that they cling to toxic relationships. Sure, they know that their ex or friends aren't good for them; however, this isn't going to stop them from going back to them every time. Despite it clearly being unhealthy, unhappy people have dependency issues.
Because they haven't done the inner work to heal, they depend on others to fulfill their emotional needs. Yet, this type of behavior isn't just toxic, it's straight up dangerous. According to a study published in Biomed Research International, there's a positive association between emotional dependency and proactive aggression.
So, while leaning on others and working through problems is great, learn to let go. Not everyone in their life is meant to remain with them forever. As much as it may hurt, some people are simply there for a season.
9. They sabotage good things
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If there’s one thing about unhappy people, it’s that they refuse to see the good in life. As a result, something unhappy people do that seems awful to everyone else is sabotage good things. From relationships to friendships, unhappy people don’t know how to keep a good thing going. Maybe it’s because they struggle to accept happiness, either way, happy people will always find a way to self-sabotage, even if it goes against their best interests.
Is this a bit frustrating for those around them? Absolutely. Do they get judged harshly for their self-sabotaging ways? Yes. But there’s no changing a miserable person's mind once they’ve made it up.
10. They over-post or over-share online
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Sure, there’s nothing wrong with posting or sharing someone’s life online. Yet, what people actively choose to share can reveal a lot about a person. In this case, one thing unhappy people do that seems awful to everyone else is over-post or over-share online.
If they just went through a breakup, you better believe that everyone on Instagram is going to know what happened and how it ended. Even if it’s embarrassing for them, unhappy people don’t care. Desperate for love and attention, unhappy people will post the worst moments of their lives for the whole world to see.
This is why it’s important to have balance. Whether that means limiting social media use to a few hours a day or avoiding certain topics when posting, having a clear direction can help prevent people from inadvertently worsening their situation over time.
11. They reject help
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Finally, a thing unhappy people do that seems awful to everyone else is that they reject help. Sure, they might not want it, but everyone needs a lending hand from time to time. Whether they’re going through something traumatic or struggling mentally, having a solid support system is the difference between crumbling and thriving in life.
Still, miserable people refuse to take advice from other people. From friends telling them to get help to family offering their shoulders to lean on, unhappy people refuse to depend on anyone.
Yet, not only is this unhelpful for them in the long run, but it can cause already unhappy people to self-isolate, leading to more misery. This is why it’s important to find balance, despite how uncomfortable it may be. Learning to lean on even one person can make all the difference in the world.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
