11 Behaviors That Seem Rude But Are Actually Signs Someone Is Trying To Be Helpful
Sometimes, our underlying intentions don't match our actions.
Jihan Nafiaa Zahri / Shutterstock Whether or not a behavior or comment is rude can be open to interpretation. Many times, behaviors that seem rude at first glance are actually signs someone is trying to be helpful.
Cultural norms, context, upbringing, and personality type can affect how a person receives feedback or actions that are intended to be helpful, but come across as rude. Because of this, when attempting to take steps to help someone or provide constructive criticism, it's important to understand that we should strive for empathy and compassion in our communications. It is possible to do things in a way that is gentle and well-received by everyone, but first, we need to identify behaviors that might unintentionally come across as rude so we can avoid them.
These are 11 behaviors that seem rude but are actually signs someone is trying to be helpful
1. Giving unsolicited advice
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Most of us offer our input with good intentions, believing that we have something of value to say that will help the person we are advising to avoid issues or solve problems. But many times, that unsolicited advice can seem intrusive or presumptuous.
You might say something critical of someone's looks because you really have genuine concerns about whether they are getting enough rest. Or you could advise a person that a business move is not ideal, but come across as dismissive or condescending. When giving advice, it is best to wait to be asked for your opinion or to proactively ask permission to share your views.
2. Interrupting a conversation
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Talking over others or disrupting a conversation already in progress can definitely be perceived as rude. There are many reasons someone might feel the uncontrollable urge to jump in. They might be genuinely excited and want to share an idea or an answer to a problem, and worry that it might be overlooked or forgotten if they don't get it out right away.
To add your input to an existing conversation without interrupting, focus on active listening, with non-verbal cues like making eye contact and nodding. Take a pause before speaking, and wait for a natural break in the conversation before communicating your thoughts or questions.
3. Asking questions that are too personal
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At times, you might be genuinely curious and need to dig deeper to better understand someone. Your actions could easily be seen as invasive or nosy when you only intend to show interest or build a deeper, stronger connection with someone.
You have to be able to read the room and understand appropriate boundaries. Sometimes, it is necessary to build rapport first, then get into more personal questions about a friend or acquaintance. Peppering a person with uncomfortable questions before trust has been established can cause them to put up their defenses and block access.
4. Correcting someone's mistakes
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Rapper Ice Cube once said, "So, back off, genius. I don't need you to correct my broken English." That line is a testament to the sentiment some may feel when their speaking, writing, or actions are critiqued, especially in front of others, since it can be embarrassing and give the impression that you consider yourself smarter than them.
There are better ways to correct someone. Use gentle language that is non-confrontational. Express your correction with empathy and understanding, and avoid sounding accusatory or labeling them as wrong. Acknowledge their perspective first, then offer correction and evidence to support your point, as well as solutions or alternatives. Be okay with the fact that you will not always be right. And lastly, when possible, correct them in private.
5. Refusing to help
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Making others go it alone might be an attempt to empower them. You may want to show them that you have faith in their abilities and believe they have what it takes to complete a task on their own, but it doesn't always feel like that for the person being left out in the cold.
They might feel dismissed or disrespected, or even like you want them to fail. Your refusal to help could be perceived as rudeness or laziness, making that person less apt to ask for your assistance or advice in the future. Instead, asking questions to gauge their needs would help assess how much help you should provide.
6. Refusing to accept help from others
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When someone takes time out of their busy life to offer assistance to you, and you turn it down, they might view you as ungrateful or holier than thou. They might even believe that your intentions are rude and selfish, wanting to make sure that no one else can be credited for completing the job at hand.
But often, the refusal to accept help is based on a belief that you can do something without imposing on others. You might believe that you should reserve your requests for aid for times that you really need help. A good way of turning down an offer is to thank them, and offer another area where you might need them.
7. Giving blunt feedback
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It's not what you say, but how you say it. You might speak in a direct manner that can be regarded as harsh, condescending, or demeaning. You may think it is honest, clear, and constructive, but it doesn't translate that way to the receiver.
It is possible to be direct without being rude. Clear and respectful communication can limit any misinterpretations and increase the chances that your feedback will be heard. Use "I" statements when expressing your feelings and needs, and avoid blaming others. Tone and body language are also important factors when giving direct, but empathetic observations.
8. Ignoring messages
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Being ignored when you try to communicate can seem rude, disrespectful, and dismissive. It can give you the feeling that you don't matter and are not a priority in someone's life. With everyone attached to their phones around the clock, it's easy to think that your message was read and intentionally disregarded.
There are many reasons one might not immediately reply to your text message. They may want to give a thoughtful response and don't want to risk misspeaking. They could be busy and unavailable to respond, or they might be intentionally limiting their screen time to create more balance and be more present in their daily lives.
9. Declining invitations
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When hosting an event, you excitedly send out invites to all of the people you want to be there, certain that they will be just as excited to attend as you are to have them. But when some friends decide to decline your invite, you might see their refusal to show up as antisocial or rude.
It's important to consider that they may have given the situation much thought and concluded that they should opt out. They might be experiencing some difficult times in their own lives and want to respect your event by not showing up in a tired or distracted state or being unable to engage properly.
10. Using their phones during meetings or conversations
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Nothing is more annoying than a person who is not paying attention and is on their phone during important conversations or meetings. It seems rude, disrespectful, disinterested, and signals that whatever is going on is not worthy of their undivided attention, but there are valid and helpful reasons a person might have their phone out.
Many people use their phones to take notes that track the conversation and any deliverables. They might even complete a related task to help move the discussion or project being addressed forward. It's important to understand why they are on their phone before assuming the worst.
11. Minimum communication
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If you are one of those people who write long paragraphs expressing your feelings, only to have the recipient respond with a simple "okay", it can leave you feeling unheard and unimportant. Their minimalistic response can appear to be rude and intentionally done to let you know that your words don't matter.
Understanding that some people communicate in a very straightforward and concise manner can help with managing some of the assumptions you might make. They may not have the skillset to express themselves as eloquently as you do, so you must account for different people and their unique ways of doing things.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that delivers informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
