11 Phrases Smart People Use When They’re Silently Judging Someone
Smart people don't need to insult you to make their point.
MDV Edwards | Shutterstock Even though being judgmental regularly and hyper-critical of other people in your life can have negative consequences for self-esteem and social relationships, like a study from the Personality and Individual Differences journal suggests, it’s often impossible to avoid in overly negative situations and conversations. Whether it’s dealing with incompetence or conversing with an ignorant person, many smart and intelligent people can’t help but judge someone, even if it’s unsuspecting.
Many of the phrases smart people use when they’re silently judging someone else aren’t intended to cause harm or make other people feel insecure, but rather serve as protective measures for their own well-being and social awareness. The more they can separate, stand their ground, and set boundaries without causing unnecessary tension or conflict, the better.
Here are 11 phrases smart people use when they’re silently judging someone:
1. ‘That’s interesting’
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“That’s interesting” is one of the phrases smart people use when they’re silently judging someone. They won’t tell someone that they’re incompetence is startling or that they don’t really like them, but they will refrain from engaging too far in a conversation with an overly dramatic, negative, or ignorant person.
Even if they’re not saying anything at all, a smart person’s intentional body language can usually tell how interested or engaged they are with another person, like a study published in Computers in Human Behavior suggests. From eye contact to the openness of their body, a smart person could be silently judging another person without saying a word.
2. ‘Let’s not make assumptions’
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According to a 1999 study, people who are overconfident in their abilities and skills also tend to be less accurate, competent, and confident. They make assumptions, over-explain themselves, and occasionally lie to adopt a narrative that paints them in the best light.
For smart people, who are competent and confident by way of internal gratification and self-determination, it’s not surprising that they’re prone to silently judging someone who overestimates their capabilities and superiority. Even if it’s a phrase as simple as “let’s not make assumptions,” it reminds people to take a step back, think about their contributions to conversations, and settle into a place of comfort that’s not determined by how other people perceive them.
3. ‘I’m not interested in this conversation’
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When a smart person is around constant negativity, gossip, and drama, chances are they’re not going to feed into whatever narrative other people are talking about, but they will silently judge people who are cruel for no reason. In fact, they may even use a phrase like “I’m walking away from this energy” or “I'm not interested in this conversation” to distance themselves from it entirely.
According to a study published in the University of California Press, negative moods can be contagious in conversation, especially around people who already have a pre-existing relationship or connection. So, many of the phrases smart people use when they’re silently judging someone aren’t meant to make them feel insecure or offended, but rather to protect themselves from sabotaging their mood.
4. ‘I see where you’re coming from’
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Even in situations where they’re silently judging someone or disagreeing with their opinions, a truly smart person will still make an effort to make them feel heard. The more someone feels comfortable opening up and speaking in a social situation, the more authentic and genuine they will be.
Even if you don’t like someone or agree with their thoughts, it’s a superpower to be able to sustain a conversation or make space for them to feel heard – unless, of course, their words and actions have a directly negative impact on you or others.
5. ‘That’s one way to look at it’
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Rather than saying “you’re wrong” or “that’s ignorant," truly smart people use a phrase like “that’s one way to look at it” when they're silently judging someone in a conversation or social interaction. What they really mean is “I don’t agree with you, but you’re not worth correcting.”
Having conversations with people you disagree with or don’t like isn’t just a personal superpower – helping to encourage personal development, growth, and resilience – it’s also a professional skill, helping intelligent workers problem-solve and make their voice heard even in tumultuous situations and environments.
6. ‘If that works for you…’
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Intelligent people know that regardless of what they value and believe, there’s always going to be people who embrace the opposite. They don’t pretend to know what’s best for everyone or even try to control other people’s choices – they simply lead with empathy, embrace their own values, and set boundaries when they need to.
“If that works for you” is a perfect example of one of the phrases smart people use when they’re silently judging someone. They may believe their opinions are misguided or their actions are wrong, but they’re willing to listen and make comments that respect their independence, decision-making, and autonomy – even when they disagree.
7. ‘You do you’
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Many highly intelligent people are inherently more sensitive than their average peers, which can make conversations and small talk feel far more emotionally exhausting and superficial than they are for others. In forced conversations with people who drain them, they’re far more likely to say something like “you do you” – and leave it at that – than to drag on a conversation with someone who lacks the empathy or depth to entertain it.
Like psycholinguistics researcher Martina Cola argues, these kinds of conversations and interactions with shallow people don’t fulfill people with high IQs, so when they’re forced to entertain them, they often rely on many of the subtle phrases that serve as signs that they’re silently judging someone else.
8. ‘I’m not the right person for this’
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To set boundaries and distance themselves from people they can’t help but silently judge, smart people protect themselves from soaking up their ignorance and negativity, whether it’s in the workplace or in their personal lives. “I’m not the right person for this” is the perfect response to a question, statement, or opinion that they don’t want to entertain – it sets a boundary and gives them an out to walk away.
Of course, like experts from Vanderbilt University suggest, setting boundaries – especially in the workplace – is the key to protecting your wellbeing and mental health, especially in the face of ignorance, narcissism, or disrespect.
9. ‘I’ll have to think about that’
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When they don’t want to make plans with someone or entertain a draining conversation in the moment, smart people use phrases like “I’ll have to think about that” or “maybe, another time” to create space. Even toward people they don’t like, they’re not interested in being mean and hurtful, so they rely on subtle and unsuspecting language like this instead.
Especially in highly stressful and emotional conversations, where people are prone to raising their voices or making demands, like behavior analyst Maria Ferlick explains, the only way to combat defensiveness and anxiety is to set boundaries and intentionally de-escalate, not embarrass and amplify their already complex emotions with judgment.
10. ‘Good for you’
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While a phrase like “good for you” can take on a condescending and passive-aggressive vibe with the wrong tone in conversations, urging people to get defensive and insecure, smart people often balance the right kind of body language and vocal shifts to make it work.
Like therapist Loriann Oberlin says, passive-aggressive language can hold a lot of power in shifting conversations negatively, sparking mistrust, defensiveness, and tension in casual social interactions. That’s why smart people are intentional about how they communicate with people they dislike and silently judge – they prefer not to waste their time and energy on an unnecessary argument or conflict.
11. ‘That’s great’
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“That’s great” is one of the phrases smart people use when they’re silently judging someone, whether they’ve just made an ignorant comment or are bragging about and flaunting things that nobody else cares about.
Especially in conversations with an ignorant or overconfident person, it’s a talent for smart people to be able to hold their tongue. According to psychologist Leon F Seltzer, many intelligent people struggle to avoid correcting people and pointing out flaws in their daily interactions, so when they do resort to a phrase like “that’s great,” it takes self-discipline and intention.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
