11 Obvious Traits Usually Only Found In People Who Hate Their Lives
BearFotos | Shutterstock While only around 1% of people are truly miserable in their everyday lives, according to a study from Social Choice and Welfare, many people battle daily unhappiness around their jobs, health, relationships, mental well-being, and routines. Whether it’s feeling stuck in a situation where they feel powerless within or struggling to feel comfortable in their own skin, there are many things that encourage people to dislike their daily routines.
However, while external circumstances and struggles obviously play a role in our mood and well-being, there’s no denying that our personal traits and behaviors are wildly influential in crafting our happiness. Many of the obvious traits usually only found in people who hate their lives, from a lack of discipline to cynicism, keep them stuck in situations, whereas others have the perspective or resilience to find their way out.
Here are 11 obvious traits usually only found in people who hate their lives
1. They’re cynical
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According to psychologist Bruce Hutchison, cynicism often predicts higher rates of mental illness and mortality. So, the next time you justify someone’s negative attitude or cynical thinking patterns, just remember — they’re more powerful than we give them credit for.
The more negativity you introduce and breed into your life, the more unhappy you’ll inevitably become. It’s one of the obvious traits usually only found in people who hate their lives, because they isolate themselves from people, remain stuck in negative attitudes, and refuse to see the light.
Of course, many people are going through hard times and are stuck in a cycle of grief that feels impossible to get out of. But if you needed a reminder: you always have the power to change things. You can become an optimist, choose to see the good in the world, and be the driver of positive change in your life, no matter how bleak and dark your life seems right now.
2. They blame others for their problems
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People who chronically avoid accountability and shift blame to others almost always deal with a constant influx of negative emotions, but don’t have the emotional intelligence or regulation skills to handle them properly. They shift blame and run from opportunities to change their behavior because they don’t know how to handle discomfort healthily.
This leads to a sense of powerlessness that’s completely dysregulating, which is why it’s not surprising that blame-shifting as a coping mechanism is common in people who hate their lives. They’re stuck in a cycle of feeling helpless, but still deflecting blame and pushing others to take accountability for their own mistakes and unhappiness.
3. They greatly dislike change
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According to a Psychological Science study, discomfort is an inevitable part of growth and personal development. Without feelings of discomfort, you’re not changing anything about yourself or your life — it’s a natural part of human lives.
However, people who cling to control and personal comfort in their everyday lives are often stuck in stagnant ruts of unhappiness because they’re unwilling to change. They’d prefer to be miserable in their daily routines, jobs, and relationships than navigate the uncertainty of change.
4. They’re chronic complainers
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Many people who prefer to complain about their lives, rather than make a change, have a contagious aura of negativity around others. They vent about their unhappiness, blame people for making their lives hard, and constantly complain without changing anything about their lives, which often places an emotional burden on other people to reassure and redirect them.
However, these people, prone to clinging to negativity and protecting their sense of victimhood, only isolate themselves from others when they refuse to take accountability for their lives. Nobody wants to be around someone who expects other people to change their lives for them, so, of course, these people hate their lives — they’re chronically unhappy, but also lonely and isolated.
5. They lack resilience
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People who give up on tasks easily and struggle to cope with discomfort are more likely to hate their lives. While resiliency is a nuanced subject, most research supports this connection, with one 2022 study finding that people lower in resilience are more likely to develop mental health concerns.
When they’re stuck in an unhappy season of life or are dealing with complex emotions, they don’t lean into the discomfort of growth — they run. They try to protect their comfort in the present moment, rather than practicing dealing with adversity for the well-being of their future selves.
6. They’re performative
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Many people who are performative don’t even realize it in the moment — they’re simply trying to “fit in” with people. It’s a natural human desire to want to belong, but when you change yourself and perform “authenticity” to do so, it often leads to disconnection and unhappiness in your relationships.
Many people who follow trends and change their personalities around certain people have good intentions, but it’s no surprise that these are the obvious traits usually only found in people who hate their lives. They’re not living for themselves or putting their personal interests first — they’re leaning on constant validation and attention from others to feel secure.
When a relationship breaks down, or they’re not getting attention, they spiral, leading to a cycle of attention-seeking behavior that chips away at their self-worth.
7. They have an inflated ego
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Many people with an inflated sense of superiority or ego, like a narcissistic person, are ironically compensating for a deep sense of insecurity. They rely on external validation and feelings of control for security when, in reality, happiness is tied to social connections and collaboration.
According to psychology professor Bobby Hoffman, people with an inflated ego are also more likely to refuse help from others. They feel a need to be superior and admired by others, often in ways that simultaneously isolate them from real connections and relationships.
8. They’re insecure
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While people suffering from insecurity or a low self-worth usually have good intentions and are struggling with something more nuanced than we realize — from childhood trauma to mental illness — they’re unhappier than the average person.
A study from the International Journal of Psychology argues that people with insecure attachments and a low sense of self struggle to connect with the world around them, sabotaging their ability to find meaning and subsequently lowering their quality of life.
So, it’s no surprise that insecurity is one of the obvious traits usually only found in people who hate their lives. They can’t focus their attention on purpose, relationships, or personal growth, because they’re constantly compensating for low self-esteem, whether they’re conscious of it or not.
9. They’re defensive
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Whether it’s running away from healthy arguments or getting defensive in the face of constructive criticism, many inherently defensive people are compensating for insecurity that leads to unhappiness in their everyday lives and relationships.
These individuals perceive vulnerability and mistakes as a kind of “weakness,” when it’s actually a strength that bonds people closer together and crafts a deeper meaning in their lives. When someone’s defensive in the face of adversity, feedback, or vulnerability, of course, they’re going to be unhappier in their lives — they’re missing out on the joy of true connection.
10. They’re energy vampires
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People who are “energy vampires” suck the energy, happiness, and well-being out of interactions, social interactions, and the people around them. While the root cause of their draining energy is nuanced and different for every individual, it’s no surprise that they often push people away quickly and sabotage the happiness and health of all of their interactions.
According to a study from Academia Letters, energy vampires can even spark mental and physical symptoms in the people around them, sabotaging relationships and bringing the vibes down in passing conversations.
So, it’s no surprise that this is one of the obvious traits usually only found in people who hate their lives. They isolate themselves, ruin connections, and bring down their own vibrational energy by clinging to attention-seeking behaviors and low-vibe tendencies.
11. They expect the worst
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While many people who always expect the worst in their lives believe they’re protecting themselves from harm and clinging to a sense of control, psychology experts argue that these people don’t change the outcomes of disappointment or hurt. So, essentially, if you’re always considering the worst-case scenario, you’re only sparking more discomfort and unhappiness in your life.
In some cases, this framework of thinking can even “manifest” uncertainty and disappointment — the more you expect and plan for the worst to happen, the more likely it is to become realized.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
