People Who Need Constant Validation Always Say These 11 Attention-Seeking Phrases
They're not comfortable enough internally to reassure themselves.
Vovatol | Shutterstock Although attention-seeking behaviors often stem from internal discomfort and personal insecurities, a 2025 study argues that they can have “ripple effects” on the social dynamics of a group setting, whether that’s a hangout with friends, a conversation with a partner, or a meeting at work. When someone’s needs validation to feel secure, everything they say and do revolves around that need for attention.
Even in passing conversations, with questions like “Are you sure?” people who need constant validation always say these attention-seeking phrases. From making a decision to crafting their personal identity, an attention-seeker is always subconsciously looking for the comfort that reassurance brings.
People who need constant validation always say these 11 attention-seeking phrases
1. ‘I probably sound dumb right now’
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Before anyone else has a chance to say anything, an insecure, attention-seeking person is putting words in their mouth. Usually, in the context of their own negative self-talk or insecurities, they seek validation even for the most uncomfortable and harmful beliefs about themselves.
In an ironic way, when someone agrees with a phrase like “I probably sound dumb right now,” it’s validating on a deep level. At least, everyone else agrees with the misleading and mean things they say about themselves, making them more real and valid thoughts.
2. ‘Are you sure?’
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When someone says “yes” to you or validates your feelings, you probably aren’t asking them something like “are you sure?” You’ve already validated yourself internally, so their extra support or praise is just an added bonus.
However, people who need constant validation ask these questions all the time. They need to be 100% secure about how other people feel about them and their decisions — otherwise, they’re living in a state of chronic insecurity, shame, and fear.
3. ‘What would you do?’
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While attention-seekers are often characterized by their obnoxious extroverted nature or their validation-seeking behaviors, even a subtle phrase like “What would you do?” can be a sign. They can’t even make a decision about their own life without first making sure other people approve.
What a sad way to live! If you were constantly asking other people for their opinions before making even the smallest decisions, like choosing an outfit, the truth is simple: you’re not living in a personal identity or navigating your own life, you’re living for the sake of approval alone.
4. ‘I don’t even know why I try’
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People who need constant validation always say things like “I don’t even know why I try” to seek attention and validation from others. They don’t have the tools or emotional regulation skills to validate themselves, so when they do something, accomplish a goal, or make a decision, their comfort revolves around what everyone else thinks.
Like psychotherapist Sharon Martin explains, we can’t rely on others to make us feel good. We can’t wait for other people to give us attention or validate our decisions before we feel a sense of confidence or peace. Those are jobs that we have to learn to do for ourselves.
5. ‘Nobody even cares about me’
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A ton of research suggests that the majority of people only think about themselves, which tends to comfort people who are constantly worried about what others think about them. However, for attention-seekers, this could be a humble reminder that distance or distraction isn’t a personal attack — it’s simply a way of life.
Some people don’t have the time or energy to give constant praise or attention, but that doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of it. It doesn’t mean your relationship is toxic or that you’re not doing a good job. It simply means that you have to learn how to comfort, self-soothe, and validate yourself first.
6. ‘Why does this always happen to me?’
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Many people who revolve their lives around validation from others believe that minor inconveniences and uncomfortable challenges happen “to them,” rather than around them. They take everything personally, whether it’s someone else’s opinion or a mistake, to the point where they never really have a sense of control in their lives.
Their insecurities and anxieties revolve around this lack of control, but asking for validation and seeking attention only solidifies the cycle of internal discomfort.
7. ‘I worked so hard and nobody said anything’
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Attention-seekers expect constant praise and validation for everything they do. Whether it’s putting in work in a relationship or working hard on a project at work, if they hear nothing, they assume it’s bad news.
They often fall into these overthinking spirals as a consequence of their unresolved trauma — they’ve been forced to believe a misguided belief that they’re not inherently worthy of love or comfort.
While it can be healthy to ask for feedback and follow up on things like a work project’s performance, always expecting praise from others for doing the bare minimum isn’t realistic, nor is it practical in the state of the world.
8. ‘Do you hate me now?’
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People who struggle with fears of abandonment and internal low self-esteem are almost always thinking about rejection. They fear being rejected by others, so they lean into people-pleasing behaviors or validation-seeking tendencies to reassure themselves that they’re safe in any given relationship — even if it’s with their boss at their job.
They’re always asking things like “Do you hate me now?” or “Am I doing something wrong?” to comfort and self-soothe themselves, without realizing that it becomes a point of resentment and annoyance for the people around them living their lives.
9. ‘I’m so annoying, aren’t I?’
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According to child and family therapist Meri Wallace, attention-seekers often operate from a place of need — they need love, support, and encouragement, but they don’t feel like they can get it without seeking it out. Often stemming from unresolved childhood trauma or unmet needs as a kid, attention-seeking behavior goes hand-in-hand with negative self-talk.
When an insecure person makes jokes at their own expense or speaks negatively about themselves, they’re seeking reassurance against those beliefs, whether it’s conscious or not. They place an emotional burden on others with a question like “I’m so annoying, aren’t I?” which ultimately leaves them alone and unfulfilled.
10. ‘You’d be better off without me’
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By getting ahead of their anxieties and putting words in other people’s mouths before they have a chance to say them themselves, people who seek constant validation often sabotage their connections.
In a misguided way, they’re seeking validation, and may even find a sense of fleeting comfort in response to a phrase like “you’d be better off without me” when someone agrees — it validates the things they’re already feeling inside.
Especially when seeking this kind of validation and using phrases like this is much easier with social media and internet communication — it’s not surprising that so many people fall into the trap of attention-seeking and isolation.
11. ‘Do you still like me?’
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According to psychology expert Susan Krauss Whitbourne, attention-seeking behavior can often sabotage the health and well-being of a relationship. If one partner lives for the attention or validation of others, they often suppress their needs and wants in favor of praise from the other, which quickly leads to resentment and disconnection.
A partner, friend, or peer has to be capable of reassuring themselves and coping with discomfort; otherwise, they inevitably burden the people around them with being emotional support people through questions like “Do you still like me?”
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
