Emotionally Intelligent People Usually Say These 11 Phrases To Get You To Do Exactly What They Want
GaudiLab | Shutterstock Many emotionally intelligent people boast traits and behaviors that make communication, socializing, and bonding much easier than the average person. They’re socially aware, know how to leverage their empathy, and often get what they want by cultivating safe spaces for other people to feel comfortable. That’s part of the reason why emotional intelligence is inherently linked to well-being — with better communication comes better relationships, more joy, and, of course, more happiness.
While their communication is always intentional, emotionally intelligent people also usually say certain phrases to get you to do exactly what they want. Some weaponize these skills for malicious interactions — the “dark side” of emotional intelligence — but a well-intentioned, emotionally intelligent person cares about cultivating understanding and safety.
Emotionally intelligent people usually say these 11 phrases to get you to do exactly what they want
1. ‘What do you want right now?’
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By making an effort to truly understand others and make them feel heard in important ways, emotionally intelligent people can get what they want, while still aligning with the desires of others. They don’t guilt people into getting what they want, but instead craft a situation where everybody feels safe and comfortable with the outcome, even if it’s not their idea.
“What do you want right now?” might feel like a simple question, but it’s powerful, especially to people who are used to having their emotions, opinions, and needs overlooked.
2. ‘What would make this easier for you?’
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Collaboration is a fundamental part of healthy conversations for emotionally intelligent people. They know that they’ll never be able to pitch a good idea, lead a group of people, or make people feel seen and safe if they don’t lean into collaboration and group conversations.
Even if it’s just collaborating during small talk, as a study from Language and Speech explains, people in these types of conversations have better productivity and task enjoyment when they feel like they’re seen and understood.
3. ‘Let’s think this through together’
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Positive collaboration and shared ownership in a conversation tend to cultivate a positive environment, whereas negative ones focus solely on blame and guilt. When an emotionally intelligent person uses a phrase like “let’s think this through together,” they may have what they want in the back of their mind, but they’re still careful and intentional about making conversations feel like a team working toward the same issue or problem.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t just feel their emotions — they also let them influence their communication and interactions with others. So if they sense disconnection or resentment in a conversation, their tactics to get what they want address those divides first.
4. ‘I hear you’
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Even if they’re not in agreement with someone, a phrase like “I hear you” goes a long way. Communicating with empathy and vulnerability means putting in effort to make people feel understood, because without that sense of trust and collaboration, conversations can quickly turn into ego-infested, toxic battles.
Emotionally intelligent people usually say these phrases to get you to do exactly what they want, not necessarily in a malicious way, but because they know that without feeling understood, everyone’s on the defensive.
5. ‘I don’t want you to feel pressured’
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By addressing the feelings of pressure or guilt that toxic people steamroll over to get what they want, emotionally intelligent people ironically tend to remove tension from conversations. Even if someone doesn’t agree with them, having their voice heard and space to express their own opinions makes it easier to follow someone else’s lead.
When you focus on building a rapport with someone, based on trust and safety, before pitching your point or trying to get your way, you make it much easier for them to agree with you, which is why emotionally intelligent people always use phrases like this.
6. ‘That’s a fair concern’
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Instead of trying to push back on a person’s every concern and invalidate their fears, an emotionally intelligent person often makes space for someone’s anxiety. They use phrases like “that’s a fair concern” to make people feel trusted and seen, even if, in the end, it’s to get you to do exactly what they want.
According to experts from Harvard Health, feeling validated tends to diffuse some of the tense emotions and feelings that seep into conflicts and emotional arguments. So, by validating someone’s concerns or making space for them to share their own opinions, they ironically make it easier for them to assert their own viewpoint.
7. ‘I appreciate your honesty’
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Trust is the foundation of any relationship, even the ones you share with someone in a casual conversation or work meeting. By appreciating another person’s honesty and making space for openness without judgment in a conversation, everyone feels trusting and validated.
Of course, there’s a delicate balance between empathy and honesty in conversations, according to a study from the Journal of Experimental Psychology, that emotionally intelligent people have to cultivate, but when they do, trust soars. They can easily get what they want by building trust in small bids, like using a phrase like “I appreciate your honesty,” which makes other people feel seen and safe.
8. ‘I respect whatever you decide’
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In comparison to people trying to guilt someone to take their side or pressure them into doing what they want, there’s something refreshing about talking to an emotionally intelligent person who instead uses phrases like “I respect whatever you decide.”
They know that they can’t “force” anything or any decision without sabotaging trust, connection, and respect, so they make people feel seen and safe, and then let them make their own decisions. There’s no manipulation or “dark sides of emotional intelligence” coming through in their conversations, only understanding, appreciation, and compassion.
9. ‘I’m open to changing things’
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Openness is one of the few personality traits that is associated with intelligence, according to a study published in the Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology. Whether that means flexibility, open-minded thinking patterns, or adaptability, it’s these kinds of people who often thrive and connect well with others.
That’s why emotionally intelligent people usually say phrases like “I’m open to changing things” to get you to do exactly what they want. They remind you that they’re open-minded and willing to make space for your opinions, even if they challenge their own, but these conversations usually still find their way back to their original ideas.
10. ‘How would you prefer we approach this?’
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Many people who push back on certain issues or opinions don’t even have different ones to share — they’re simply tired of being steamrolled by people who are taken more seriously or have louder voices. So, simply having someone ask “How would you prefer we approach this?” at work or in a personal conversation feels more important and validating than it seems on paper.
It’s this kind of collaboration and compassion that adds value to every aspect of our lives, from the workplace to personal relationships.
11. 'I trust you'
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Building trust, even in a casual conversation with someone you just met, is the key for emotionally intelligent people to get what they want. They have to cultivate a safe space for people to share their opinions and trust themselves before they can share opinions and make progress.
That's why simple phrases like "I trust you" are so powerful. They make people feel validated and secure, even if it's their first time meeting.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
