If Doing These 11 Things Feels Natural To You, You Have Unusually Deep Emotional Intelligence

There’s a reason why emotional intelligence is intrinsically tied to general well-being, according to a 2024 study. Whether it’s self-awareness, an ability to regulate emotions amid chaos, or a general appreciation for mindfulness and solitude, emotional intelligence adds value to every aspect of life. It not only lowers stress and boosts mental health, but it cultivates stronger relationships — both personally and with others.

While reflection is a part of emotional intelligence, if you’re caught up in the chaos of life, recognizing these stable habits and behaviors can be a challenge. But if doing certain things feels natural to you, you have unusually deep emotional intelligence. It’s a part of who you are and how you navigate everyday life, not necessarily a conscious choice you make every morning.

If doing these 11 things feels natural to you, you have unusually deep emotional intelligence

1. You pause before speaking or reacting

woman pausing before speaking and reacting talking to a friend PeopleImages | Shutterstock

Emotional intelligence often manifests itself in a variety of diverse ways, even in subtle, passing, casual conversations. People with a strong, deep sense of emotional intelligence have the regulation skills to pause in stressful, emotional conversations before they speak.

They’re quiet in the right moments, and they know how to be a safe space — not only for others to express themselves, but to feel a sense of inner peace amid chaos themselves.

While it might seem like a simple practice — to take a deep breath, pause, and let someone else share before adding your two cents — it’s more powerful for mental and physical health than it seems, at least according to a study from Frontiers in Psychology. So, if you find these things natural and subconscious in many interactions, you have unusually deep emotional intelligence.

2. You notice emotions as they come up

woman who notices emotions as they come up Face Stock | Shutterstock

Whether they’re complex emotions like embarrassment or passing feelings of joy, if you’re comfortable acknowledging emotions internally as they come up, rather than avoiding or suppressing them, you probably have unusually deep emotional intelligence.

Even if it’s acknowledging other people’s emotions and making space for them in conversations, as a study from Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes explains, that can build trust. It’s a sign of emotional intelligence that many people overlook, because they’re too caught up in avoiding their own uncomfortable emotions to recognize how anyone else is feeling.

3. You recognize energy shifting in any room

woman with good energy recognizing a shift in it talking to strangers PeopleImages | Shutterstock

Even if noticing small energetic shifts and emotions in a social situation or conversation can be subtle, from facial expressions to nonverbal cues, people with high emotional intelligence pick up on these small shifts. So, if you find yourself picking up on someone’s discomfort in a shared setting and comforting people even before they share their feelings, that natural intuition can be a sign of your deep emotional intelligence.

While emotional intelligence is often rooted in personal knowledge and regulation, being empathetic and intentional about noticing other people’s feelings is just as important for building emotional intelligence.

4. You set boundaries without justifying them

man talking to friend setting boundaries without justifying it Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock

A study from Personality and Environmental Issues found that emotional intelligence is often tied to the ability to set strong boundaries. People who know themselves and feel a deep sense of self-assuredness in setting boundaries boast a better life quality because they know what they’re willing to tolerate.

They don’t expect to change other people or police their behavior — they only know what they care about, what they value, and what they’re willing to put up with in their lives and relationships. It’s a superpower to not only set boundaries and maintain them, but to know what kind of energy you want to protect in the first place.

5. You appreciate solitude

smiling woman appreciating solitude sitting at home Perfect Wave | Shutterstock

According to a study from the Journal of Personality, many people who appreciate alone time are regarded as less “worthy” compared to their ultra-sociable counterparts. Extraversion is often highly appreciated and rewarded in our society, but just because someone enjoys their own company and alone time doesn’t mean they’re not an extrovert.

However, if you appreciate solitude and know how to cope with feelings of discomfort when it’s just you, that can be a sign of emotional intelligence. Social psychologist Bella DePaulo argues that people who appreciate their alone time may even be more open-minded — a trait that regularly characterizes the most reflective, grounded, and emotionally intelligent people.

6. You make an effort to understand

emotionally intelligent man talking to stranger making an effort to understand Caftor | Shutterstock

Whether it’s in resolving conflict with a partner or having a conversation with someone who has different opinions, if making an effort to understand before “winning” or speaking is important to you, you have unusually deep emotional intelligence. It’s not always easy to regulate your emotions, especially amid stress, chaos, or emotional strain, let alone leveraging empathy and understanding to bridge a conversational gap.

You easily connect with people and build strong relationships — not out of coincidence, but because you allow people to feel seen, heard, and safe, even when you don’t agree.

7. You often reflect on patterns

introspective woman reflecting on personal patterns Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock

From healing from unresolved trauma to recognizing personal behavioral patterns, if doing these things feels natural to you, you have unusually deep emotional intelligence. According to a BMC Nursing study, self-reflective thinking and emotional intelligence are linked, so even if this kind of reflection in alone time and personal growth feels natural, they’re more of a superpower than you realize.

That’s part of the reason why emotionally intelligent people have stronger, more meaningful relationships. They know how to reflect on their behavior, acknowledge when they’ve made a mistake, and apologize openly. They know when to set boundaries, express concerns, and prioritize themselves, because they’re always in touch with their behaviors, emotions, and feelings.

8. You know when to be quiet

man who knows when to be quiet listening to a friend talk PeopleImages | Shutterstock

While many people run away from “awkward” silence, overshare to fill the time, and fill conversations with unproductive chatter to avoid discomfort, an emotionally intelligent person appreciates silence. They give space for people to reflect and regulate themselves, and even if it’s a challenge for other people to embrace at first, in the end, it makes people feel more comfortable, safe, and secure.

Accepting silence comfortability is more of a superpower than people realize, so if it comes naturally to you, chances are you have deep emotional intelligence.

9. You’re open to accepting feedback

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While feedback, especially when negative or uncomfortable, can be a challenge to accept, people with emotional intelligence often have the regulation skills to embrace it. Even if it’s not comfortable or easy, they’re open to listening and accepting feedback from others and applying it to their lives.

While unregulated, insecure people may regularly get defensive in the face of feedback, viewing it as a personal attack, emotionally intelligent people embrace learning from others, accepting their feedback, and growing without shutting down entirely.

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10. You take accountability for everything you do

man hugging woman who takes accountability for everything she does fizkes | Shutterstock

According to psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, taking accountability can often boost happiness and life satisfaction. Whether it’s having the self-awareness to admit when you have made a mistake or supporting another person’s emotions when you unintentionally hurt their feelings, if doing these things feels natural to you, you have unusually deep emotional intelligence.

Of course, this kind of reflection and humility isn’t always easy, but for emotionally intelligent people who accept challenges and growth with grace, it’s a superpower in their lives and relationships.

11. You embrace challenges instead of avoiding them

serious woman embracing challenges instead of avoiding them working Wasana Kunpol | Shutterstock

While challenges are often uncomfortable, accepting and chasing after them with a positive attitude can bring about life change and personal growth. However, it takes emotional intelligence, regulation skills, and reflection to embrace challenges without insecurity or fear clouding your judgment.

Someone who struggles to regulate their discomfort and uses avoidance to run from challenge may miss out on learning opportunities and growth, but an emotionally intelligent person leans into challenge and uncertainty with grace.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.