12 Confusing Emotions Experienced By People Who've Been Manipulated Into Feeling Guilty
You feel like you can't let it go, and that's by design.
Nini FromParis | Unsplash It's normal to feel guilty when you've done something wrong, but there are forms of guilt that can become unhealthy. The worst part? Sometimes this happens because someone used your guilt to manipulate and control you.
The American Psychological Association says that some guilt can be helpful, as it is closely associated with the ability to feel empathy for others. But for those with a true guilt complex, it feels out-of-control. This can make them unsure of themselves and lead to a dependency on others or unhealthy coping mechanisms.
This may have come from system you developed naturally as a child. It may also be due to misuse of guilt by a parent or another adult you trusted when you were a kid, or even manipulation by someone in your life as an adult. Regardless, it's important to spot the pattern and start working to free yourself.
12 emotions experienced by people who've been manipulated to feel guilty
1. You feel trapped by regret and are preoccupied with the past
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Wishing that you could change something that has already happened is one cause of a guilt complex. Instead of making the necessary amends, you are stuck on the situation and are unable to move on.
You may also be tumbling an idea in your head about whether something happened in your past, or if you imagined it or overreacted. Your brain is likely giving you a hint, here, that something is off.
2. You have frequent headaches and migraines.
Guilt is bad on the psyche. It creates stress hormones in the body that can result in surpirising effects like headaches or migraines. As a matter of fact, guilt can impact your entire immune system negatively.
Often, when people address and heal the parts of themselves that have been harmed by manipulation or misuse of guilt, their health improves and things like chronic headaches abate.
3. You're worried and anxious.
The feeling of guilt naturally results in worrying about what will happen if your supposed misdeeds are uncovered. You become anxious about what other people will think and feel because of your actions.
You are likely stuck in a feeling of hypervigilance, always waiting for the next bad thing to happen. And who can blame you? When someone uses your own guilt to shame, control or manipulate you, it's hard to know what side is up!
4. You experience muscle pain.
If you have ever taken notice of how your body reacts to stress and tension, you might have found that your body stiffens in reaction. The tensing up can cause soreness in your muscles.
You likely feel this in your jaw, shoulders, neck and even hands. If so, try guided mediations, yoga or even simply lying flat on your back and tensing each muscle group, one at a time, and then releasing them. Allow yourself to sit in that feeling of release when you are done.
5. You're prone to nausea and other stomach issues.
We already know that guilt is bad for your immune system. Because of that, it can show up as gastrointestinal problems, resulting in nausea, indigestion, heartburn, or vomiting.
6. You cry easily.
Crying is another symptom of having a guilt complex. Because you lack the ability to solve your feelings, you are tearful and saddened. This is especially true in cases of survivor’s guilt.
Until you can get past the guilt and shame, you will continue to cry.
7. You're unable to sleep.
People with a guilt complex have trouble getting to sleep and staying there. They toss and turn at night, engulfed in worry about their wrongs, and usually get little to no rest.
You may be surprised, once you've processed and healed this excessive guilt, that you will sleep better than ever.
8. You're tired.
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Fatigue is a direct result of not getting enough meaningful rest. If negative feelings are keeping you up at night, you will awaken more exhausted than ever. It is a vicious cycle that is hard to overcome.
9. You feel depressed.
Depression is another sign of having a guilt complex.
These intense and deeply rooted feelings may be hard to navigate. That negativity can cause you to fall into a depression that you might need to seek help for. Watch for signs that your depression is serious and reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Healing with the help of counseling or therapy may end up releasing you from all sorts of pain you hadn't even felt creeping up!
10. You're passive.
When someone feels extremely guilty, they can become unsure of themselves and lose confidence in their ability to make good decisions. This leads to acting and communicating passively, allowing others to take the lead.
11. You become isolated.
The shame and regret of a guilt complex can cause you to distance yourself from other people. You might be afraid to find out if they feel as badly about you as you feel about yourself, so you go into hiding.
This may be the direct motivation of someone who is trying to control you. If it feels like this is the goal of someone in your life, seek support, as this is a common tactic with abusers.
12. You have low self-esteem.
A guilt complex will create negative self-talk in your head that can affect your self-esteem and sense of worth. Until you can overcome the guilt, you will feel as if you are never enough.
As mentioned above, this could be the ultimate goal of someone who is trying to control you. If they get you to believe you're worthless, they can keep you isolated and doing what they want. Reach out for help, if this is the case. You deserve so much better!
How to deal with a guilt complex
If you are having feelings depression, suicidal ideation, or any other side effects of a guilt complex, you should seek professional help right away. The Crisis Lifeline can help, as can support for those living in or who have survived abuse of any sort. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a safe place to seek support.
Even if it has not graduated to those extremes, a mental health professional can assist with working your way through those issues. There are options such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) that can help get you back on track, and many doctors provide online therapy.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and author of seven books. She covers lifestyle and entertainment and news, as well as navigating the workplace and social issues.
