4 Things People Who Value Trust Above All Else In Their Relationship Do Better Than Most
From trusting yourself first to keeping communication wide open, these habits make love stronger.
Fabian Centeno | Unsplash Resolving trust issues starts with learning to truly trust yourself before you can trust someone else. Once upon a time, some early human screwed up and gave some other early human a reason to distrust them — and from that seed blossomed the psychological phenomenon known as "trust issues."
Now, around the globe — in bedrooms, boardrooms, and even on playgrounds — we've become a society practically built on trust issues. Having the ability to trust someone else and be in a relationship without allowing your trust issues to interfere requires trusting yourself enough to reveal your authentic self fully.
Gasp! You mean it requires being totally transparent, saying what's on my mind, asking for what I desire ... and that doing those things will eliminate trust issues from my relationship?
Um, yeah! It all starts with you, baby, quickly followed by how you choose to respond to those little annoying possibilities your partner throws at you, consciously or subconsciously, triggering your fears that no one can ever really be trusted.
See, these fears are all about you and your own trust issues. So with that being said, how can you get past these feelings of insecurity and vulnerability when they arise?
Here are 4 things people who value trust above all else in their relationship do better than most:
1. They trust themselves
I know it's already been said, but this is truly the starting point for resolving trust issues. In words somewhat similar to those of Ru Paul, "If you can't trust yourself, how are you gonna trust somebody else?" (Uh-hum! Preach, sistah!)
2. They actually define what trust means
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Come to an understanding of how you and your partner both define the meaning of trust. Hello, we're not mind readers. And if you believe you are, then why would you have trust issues? You'd already know what your partner is thinking!
Recent research shows couples who agree on honesty, reliability, and emotional safety report higher relationship satisfaction. In relationships, it's all about "ask and ye shall receive." Talk about trust. Discuss it! Discover what might make trust issues arise in your unique relationship with your partner.
3. They look in the mirror first
I hate to say it, but often, trust issues arise because what you see in someone else is an issue directly reflecting something you don't want to see in yourself. It could be that you're fearful your partner is cheating because you're the one considering an affair (or might already be involved physically or emotionally with someone else).
Or it could be that you were cheated on in the past and you don't want to feel duped or hurt once again. You may not realize this is causing wicked scripts to play out in the fabulous stage play that is your mind, whether or not they reflect anything that is happening in real life.
Ask yourself, “What’s really going on underneath my trust issues right now?” The honest answer may shock you, but it could also calm you.
4. They keep the relationship open
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Gasp — did I just advocate having an open relationship? Yes! As in an open, transparent, let's communicate, and quit hiding that we each have trust issues, admit our stuff in our relationship. A study of married couples found trust predicts 62.5% of relationship satisfaction, showing transparency really matters.
No, this doesn't mean you take on different lovers (although if doing so would make your trust issues scamper away, more power to you). What I'm really advocating for is being open and vulnerable so that trust issues become dead non-issues, rather than leading you to have a dead relationship.
Now that I've resolved my own issues, I’m the perfect partner, the perfect father, the perfect ex-husband, and the perfect life coach. "Trust" me, it's true ... Not!
However, I have discovered that it's now much easier to admit when I'm struggling with my trust issues, talk through them, and even remain open to hearing when others don't entirely trust me. The lesson I've learned is that, ultimately, trust issues kill the beauty of trusting that you can have a truly happy and love-filled life. Now get out there and start trusting again!
Rick Clemons is a certified professional coach, speaker, author, and podcaster who inspires corporations, entrepreneurs, college and university students, and individuals to make their bold moves.
