Men Who Feel Invisible In Their Own Homes Usually Cope Using These 11 Habits
Things aren't okay, even if a man makes it sound that way.
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock All relationships go through ups and downs, but over time, that spark that brought a couple together can begin to fizzle out. At first, a couple could be thriving, all smiles and laughter, and feeling comfortable and welcome with one another. Unfortunately, whether it's being less affectionate or being nostalgic, men who feel invisible in their own homes usually cope using these habits.
It's not like they're purposely acting a certain way to upset their partner; rather, they may be doing it unconsciously. They may feel under immense pressure, unsupported, and unloved, and that can manifest in their behaviors. No matter the reason, closing themselves off isn't a good sign for a relationship.
Men who feel invisible in their own homes usually cope using these 11 habits
1. They withdraw emotionally
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While it's okay to take time for yourself, withdrawing completely is going to cause inevitable discord in a relationship. According to associate professor Susi Ferrarello, "Sharing emotions is what makes us human. When we do not share emotions, and we keep what we truly feel for ourselves inside, we become somehow an enigma for the other person, because they cannot read us or feel our humanity."
Despite this, some men don't realize how their actions are impacting the relationship. So caught up in their own emotions, they don't want to talk about their feelings for fear of coming off as weak. While men should be willing to open up, women should create a safe space for their men to feel comfortable being vulnerable.
2. They overwork themselves by staying busy
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Men who feel invisible in their own homes usually cope by overworking themselves to ensure they stay busy. Because many men don't want to face their emotions head-on, as they've been taught that this is weak, immersing themselves in work feels better than addressing their own emotions.
So long as they continue to feel invisible and unimportant, men will bury their feelings because they don't want to hurt or offend their loved ones. Still, refusing to address them only creates more tension in their relationships at home. So, even if it's hard, pulling aside their partner and telling them how they feel isn't just a want, it's a need.
3. They become less affectionate
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Men who are in love tend to be affectionate with their partner. But when they feel unloved, that affection begins to lack. They might not say it out loud, but through their actions, they'll slowly pull away. And while affection isn't everything in a relationship, it's a huge part.
From cute nicknames to verbally praising their partner, a relationship that doesn't have affection is bound to not work out. As relationship expert Sean M. Horan explained, "The amount of affection you express to your partner best predicts your commitment. Conversely... the amount of affection you receive from your partner best predicts your satisfaction."
4. They spend extra time alone
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Once a man feels invisible, it's not hard to imagine why he'd want to be alone. It's hard for men to be vulnerable, and when he's feeling lonely, that time to himself may feel much better than being surrounded by people who don't love him.
Nobody wants to feel unwelcome or tense all the time, which is why unhappy men will spend time alone. Even if it isn't the best for his mental health, so long as he can get away from that icky feeling of being viewed as insignificant, he will do anything to spend time away from people causing these insecurities to surface.
5. They numb themselves through distractions
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Men who feel invisible in their own homes usually cope using distractions of many kinds. It can be video games or a random hobby they've picked up. But the common theme here is that a man is pulling away and putting all his frustrations and sadness into one thing.
As soon as the excitement fades away, they may find themselves numbly engaging in things they don't like to dull the pain. While it's up to him to open up, sometimes when someone in the relationship is going through something, the other person needs to be strong enough to pull them both up.
If you don't know where to start, positivity goes a long way. According to psychologist Mark Travers, "Encouragement and genuine recognition help create an environment where they feel valued and motivated to grow alongside you. Bringing out the best in your partner is purely about creating space for them to evolve in the way that best serves them."
6. They seek validation elsewhere
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When a man is feeling down, having a partner to hype him up makes all the difference. It doesn't have to be over the top, but a little encouragement and validation go a long way. There's never an excuse for cheating, though it does happen, whether it's from resentment or feeling unloved.
According to the Institute for Family Studies, 20% of men cheat and 13% of women cheat in a marriage. While there are many reasons why men cheat, men who didn't grow up in stable families were more likely to have an affair. Regardless of the reason, even if a man feels invisible, seeking validation outside of a relationship is never excusable.
While their feelings are valid, it's important to work through things as a couple. Even if the deciding factor is to call it quits, it's better to break up than hurt someone you love or loved.
7. They minimize their needs
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Men minimize their feelings on a daily basis. Blame it on their upbringing, but they don't believe that feeling sad, depressed, or anxious is a real concern. However, if a man is beginning to feel invisible in his own home, he'll take it an extra step by minimizing his needs.
Maybe it's because they feel like their needs are being rejected or unheard, but either way, women will find him not speaking up for himself or even arguing back. While this may feel easier to navigate, someone can only deny their needs for so long. After spending too long without feeling fulfilled, it's unsurprising if a man ends up exploding and going off the deep end.
8. They live in nostalgia
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The past is something most of us can look back at and either laugh or cry. Filled with bittersweet memories, it's not uncommon to live a bit in nostalgia. But living too much in the past isn't healthy, and being focused on what once was is bound to backfire.
According to clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, "Rarely is dwelling on the past seen in a positive light. Nor should it be. Thinking too much about times gone by typically keeps your mind — and life — stuck in neutral (and maybe even shifts it into reverse). If you habitually ruminate over your earlier life, you may regularly be revisited by feelings of anger, guilt, resentment, sorrow, or shame."
9. They suppress their anger
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Once a man begins to feel invisible, there are a ton of complicated emotions that build up. From sadness to disappointment, men go through all the stages of grief. On the outside, it may sound like a good thing to suppress that anger, as people need to know how to have a firm grip on their emotions without letting them simmer.
However, letting that anger stay hidden for too long can lead to health issues, like coronary heart disease and hypertension, according to research from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine.
10. They focus on their appearance too much
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There's nothing wrong with someone caring about their appearance, but there is such a thing as using it as a coping mechanism. Whether it's dyeing his hair or buying a whole new wardrobe, men who feel invisible in their own homes usually cope using these habits.
People handle difficult emotions in different ways. While some talk through things, others find something to focus on. For some men, they try to fill the void by making themselves feel better externally. And while taking care of themselves is important, they should give themselves grace and embrace imperfection.
11. They daydream or fantasize about escaping
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When life gets tough for them and their home life isn't going well, some men begin to escape from reality in their own way. Whether it's at home or at work, daydreaming is a tool used to make themselves feel better about their reality. But doing it too much isn't a good thing.
According to psychotherapist F. Diane Barth, "When daydreams interfere with your real life, when you'd rather be involved in your daydream world than the real world and spend more time in your daydream world than the real world, then they have probably become maladaptive."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
