If A Husband Starts Doing These 11 Things At Home, He’s Not Angry Anymore, He’s Done
What a husband does at home can offer insight into his emotional state.
Roman Chazov / Shutterstock There are some things that a husband may do at home if he no longer feels angry but instead feels done. If his marriage feels consumed by unresolved conflicts, he may begin to feel emotionally exhausted. This may cause him to do things that help him create the distance he feels like he needs.
He might also become more emotionally distant and closed off. When his partner tries to talk to him about things, instead of expressing his feelings, he may shut down to avoid causing further confrontations. If his partner notices any of these things happening, they should bring their concerns to his attention and show that they genuinely care.
If a husband starts doing these 11 things at home, he’s not angry anymore, he’s done
1. Seeking separate spaces
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When a husband starts seeking separate spaces around the house after being angry for a while, he is no longer angry, he is just done. He not only wants to move on from the conflict at hand, but he may also want to move on from the marriage.
As he emotionally disengages from the relationship, he will want to spend more of his time in solitude. He likely feels exhausted from having to deal with his angry emotions for so long and just wants peace from them.
“Relationships can be intense, and partners may occasionally feel overwhelmed by the emotional aspects. They might need space to process their feelings, gain clarity, and regain a sense of balance in their lives,” explains Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., a psychologist.
2. Avoiding conflict
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A husband who has been angry for so long but is now just done will likely start trying to avoid conflict at home. He is feeling relationship burnout and may feel defeated and hopeless, considering that a conclusion to his anger was never achieved.
Lisa Franklin, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist, mentions that “Marriage burnout can be defined as a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that occurs when the stresses and demands of a relationship chronically outweigh the rewards and positive experiences.”
If a husband feels like his negative emotions, like anger, outweigh the positive times he has with his wife, he may feel burnout and want to avoid conflict so that he can refrain from adding to this feeling.
3. Emotionally distancing himself
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The excessive stress that has accumulated from his constant anger may make a husband feel he is done with his marriage, at least temporarily. If he starts feeling this way, he may begin emotionally distancing himself while at home.
“People often respond to high levels of stress and emotional distress by withdrawing. Your partner’s aloofness may simply be their way of trying to get through a difficult time as checking out temporarily is a common way for many people to cope with stress,” according to RWA Psychology, a private psychology practice that provides therapy to individuals, couples, and families.
By emotionally distancing themselves and withdrawing from the relationship, they are trying to protect themselves from further emotional turmoil.
4. Refusing to engage in meaningful conversation
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When a husband has been angry for so long and there has been no resolution, he may feel withdrawn and done with his marriage. A sign he is feeling this way is if he begins reducing meaningful conversations while at home.
They may be quietly quitting the relationship. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, explains that when someone quietly quits their relationship, they stop investing their time, energy, and emotions into the relationship. This makes them less likely to want to contribute to meaningful conversations in the marriage.
5. Never initiating physical affection
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Although his anger may have subsided, if a husband never initiates physical affection at home, he may feel done within the marriage. He could be emotionally and physically disengaging from the marriage because he feels that, in the midst of the argument and his anger, he was misunderstood and invalidated.
This can cause him to develop resentment toward his partner and relationship, making him less likely to be affectionate. This will be especially noticeable if he is usually very physically affectionate, and it is a sign that he is dealing with something deeper that needs to be addressed for the marriage to continue to grow rather than become stagnant.
6. Prioritizing individual activities over shared ones
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While having his own hobbies and activities that he does without his partner is important, if a husband stops prioritizing shared activities at home and only wants to do individual ones, he may no longer be angry but instead feel mentally and emotionally done with his marriage. This could be the result of a prolonged conflict within the relationship.
If he begins to feel that conflict consumes the relationship, and he always feels angry because of it, relationship burnout can result, leading him to want more alone time to emotionally and physically withdraw from his partner.
“Conflict in a relationship is inevitable, but to a degree. If it feels like all you’re doing is fighting, action is required. Constant fighting is a surefire way to turn a relationship toxic,” according to The Couples Center, a team of psychotherapists who help provide counseling to couples so that their relationship may thrive.
7. Ignoring important dates
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A husband who is not angry anymore but now just feels done will likely neglect keeping up with important dates. His partner may notice at home that he used to keep a calendar with each of their significant anniversaries written on the date that they occur, but now doesn’t bother writing them at all.
This is a sign of emotional neglect in the marriage. He may be feeling emotionally exhausted, especially if he has felt consumed by anger for a while. This will cause him to lack the energy to remember or celebrate important events that he once had no problem putting effort into.
8. Acting more like a roommate than a romantic partner
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While a husband may no longer be as angry as he once was, he may now instead feel done. This could be him emotionally checking out of the marriage, which can likely result in roommate syndrome taking place within the relationship.
When a husband starts to seem more like a roommate, he will likely not be as affectionate and there will be a lack of intimacy making the relationship seem more platonic than romantic. While he was angry, he was filled with emotion, but once he becomes done with the marriage, emotion is lost. He won’t have the energy to behave more romantically at home.
9. Making plans without his partner
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If a husband is no longer angry he just feels done, he will likely try to avoid further confrontation at all costs and will create space between him and his partner at home and outside of the home. His partner may notice he is not home as often as he used to be and when he is out he hardly ever thinks about inviting them to go with him.
If the marriage starts being more emotionally exhausting to him than it is re-energizing, he will want to separate himself. If his partner starts noticing him not only emotionally distancing himself but also physically distancing himself, they should bring up their concerns about his well-being and together they should aim to seek help so that they may fix the marriage.
10. Being there but not present
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A husband who is not angry anymore but feels done will likely emotionally detach himself from his marriage. This will cause him to be mentally absent at home, even when he is physically there.
Emotional detachment causes a disconnect in the emotional lives of each partner. This distancing can eat away at the foundation of the marriage and begin to make each person feel misunderstood and alone in their feelings. If conflicts continue to go unresolved in a marriage, the build-up of negative emotions can lead to resentment, which later develops into emotional detachment.
11. Keeping secrets
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While a husband may no longer be angry, he may feel done. This may cause him to keep secrets at home, especially if they impact his emotional state. His sense of being done will likely make him closed off to expressing his feelings to his partner, leading him to be secretive about his genuine emotions and intentions in the marriage.
While, of course, these are things that some husbands may do without feeling done within their marriage, if their partner notices that they seem more and more emotionally and physically withdrawn, they should consider expressing their concerns and creating a safe space for their husband to express their emotions as well.
Kamryn Idol is a writer with a bachelor's degree in media and journalism who covers lifestyle, relationship, family, and wellness topics.
