Men Who Pull Away From Their Partners As Time Goes On Usually Have These 11 Reasons
If he's distancing himself, it could be any of these eleven things.
Diego Apolo | Unsplash In today’s dating culture, things between men and women often start very well, and then suddenly, the connection begins evaporating into thin air. Your good morning texts turn into not hearing from him for days.
You might be dating a guy right now who suddenly pulls away every time things seem to be going well between the two of you, leaving you to wonder if your relationship is doomed, or if there's something you can do about it. Why do men pull away?
There are a number of reasons why guys pull away when they like you, such as fear of commitment, loss of interest, doubts about what they want, or unresolved feelings about an ex. Understanding some of the most common scenarios that arise at various stages of relationships will help you decide how to respond and get your healthy relationship back on track. So, what does it mean when a guy pulls away?
Men who pull away from their partners as time goes on usually have these 11 reasons:
1. He’s afraid of something
The first thing to know is that the number one reason men pull away from good women they seem to be falling in love with is fear. Okay, but fear of what? You were having so much fun together!
You have so much in common, and every date was full of laughter, flirtation, and those butterflies in your stomach. Then, just when you believed you could really see this going somewhere, he started to pull away.
Now, he’s much harder to reach, and he takes a long time to respond to your texts, and he’s rarely available to see you. When you do speak or see him, he seems distant, if not a bit cold, and you have no idea what happened or what you might have said to cause this shift.
2. He's had bad experiences with love
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Sometimes his fear has nothing to do with you at all but is based on negative experiences in his past. These may be issues related to independence or insecurities.
A study found that when men feel their masculinity is threatened, they may withdraw from their partner to restore their sense of self. This behavior is often a defensive reaction, where the body's fight-or-flight instinct triggers an urge to self-protect and withdraw from potential hurt, even when the current relationship is safe.
3. He's emotionally unavailable
He may simply be too emotionally immature to handle the depths of intimacy you were entering together. This behavior stems from an inability (or unwillingness) to process and express emotions healthily.
As a relationship progresses, emotional demands and intimacy expectations naturally increase. According to one study, this can overwhelm an emotionally avoidant person, prompting them to withdraw.
4. He's held back by lingering hurt or other feelings related to an ex
Or he may still be worrying about issues from a previous relationship in which they didn't share the same values. Or maybe she was never physically attracted to him or thought his personality was too over-the-top, and he's concerned that you feel the same way.
Many men’s minds work a bit differently from women's. Not to over-generalize, but men often have trouble pinpointing exactly what is that's turning them off. What’s more, whatever it is might have nothing to do with you, and yet he genuinely may not be able to put his finger on what it is that drives him away.
5. He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship
Additionally, many men pull away because the idea of a serious long-term relationship freaks them out, plain and simple.
This can be because of past heartbreak, insecurity, or trauma stemming from childhood. They may have once been taught or convinced they’re not good enough and have since struggled with allowing themselves to be vulnerable.
Some men have an inherent need for independence and self-reliance. One study explained that a relationship that becomes too emotionally close may trigger an instinct to pull away to maintain their sense of autonomy.
6. He enjoys being single
Sometimes, it’s merely because they realize they prefer to remain single and free. You could be a high-value woman, and he would still just want to be single at the moment. It's not your fault, but it happens.
Research suggests that while some singles may be avoiding intimacy or struggling with personal insecurities, many are content with their single status and may not be interested in pursuing a partnership at all. After prolonged periods of singlehood, some individuals may become desensitized to the idea of romance, leading to a reduced desire for committed partnerships.
7. He doesn't feel like a priority to you
The ebb and flow of your daily schedule may make him feel as though he doesn't have a place in your life. He will begin to pull away if he believes he is last on your list.
There are times when life can get hectic, and you may unintentionally put him on the back burner. When things get crazy, you focus on maintaining your sanity and balance. It can be easy to let your affection and attention towards your man decline.
He may not be able to voice his issues or understand what is happening, so he pulls away.
8. He is just not into you anymore
Your relationship may have started hot and heavy. You called and text messaged each other regularly, went on dates every chance you got, and couldn't stand to be apart.
As time passed, problems surfaced, and you began to see one another through a different lens. You realize that you are talking less, spending more time apart, and left questioning where you stand.
He realizes that he is not as interested in you as he was at first. He becomes distant because he struggles to express these feelings.
9. He feels the relationship is moving too fast
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Commitment is major in a relationship. Women generally come into a relationship with clearer expectations than men. You exchange numbers and within weeks, you're spending nights, then days at a time at his place.
Although he enjoys this time with you, it may be too much, too quickly. If this is the case, and he pulls away, he is trying to tell you that things are going way too fast, and he needs time and space to assess the relationship.
10. He has someone else
He may really like you, but he also has someone waiting in the wings. She can be a new girl or an old fling. He begins to pull away from you to grow closer to another prospect.
His new interest may be fresh, but she's not you. If he pulls away because he found another woman, his loss.
11. His insecurities have taken over
He may not feel that he is meeting your needs, or he may not be capable of loving you. Men pride themselves on making sure their woman is satisfied in every way. However, if he struggles with insecurities, his concerns can be solely in his mind.
If he questions your love and attraction, he will pull away as he believes he is protecting his heart.
How do you know if he's scared of being tied down or scared of being in love? Some men pull away the moment they realize that they’re developing real feelings for you. Unfortunately, this can also happen at the very moment you're realizing that you're developing real feelings for them!
This fear of love happens because suddenly, there are important stakes involved. They begin worrying about potential outcomes of the relationship, and this affects their behavior. They become nervous, which leads to uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability that many people don’t know how to handle.
At the same time, you may have begun fantasizing about your future together. In doing so, you become more attached to the happy outcomes you hope for and begin feeling anxious at the thought of losing out on your dream now that it feels so close.
As a result, you’re no longer in the present moment of getting to know him, fixating instead on how he feels about you — and this will affect your behavior around him. Generally speaking, people don't react positively to shifts from spending time with someone who has a fun, charming personality to being with someone who always seems to be searching for reassurance.
When you recognize someone that you really like — someone who makes you feel comfortable and good — it’s normal to want to latch on. This often happens without you even realizing it, but it changes your vibe.
Guys can pick up on this. He might not be able to pinpoint what it is exactly, but he might begin thinking of you as clingy. When a guy feels you're trying too hard to make things official and tie him down, he might panic and pull away.
When you’re still in the seduction phase with someone, the most important thing is holding onto your self-confidence.
Confidence is key, and here's why. If you want to seduce a man with whom you’d like to construct a solid relationship, you’ve got to highlight your true personality. Too many people make the mistake of playing a role to make someone fall for them, and it always backfires because as soon as the other person realizes you weren’t being genuine.
Being truly confident keeps you safe from appearing to be needy or clingy, which are characteristics that may cause someone to run for the hills, especially if it's early in a budding relationship.
Alex Cormont, founder of French Relationship Expert, is an expert in dating and relationships whose expert advice has been featured on Forbes, Huffington Post, GQ, and Elle.
