Men Who Secretly Feel Unappreciated Usually Start Acting Like This Without Realizing
The pain of feeling unappreciated often becomes apparent through a man's subconscious actions.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock There is a lot of pressure placed on men’s shoulders to provide for their spouses and families. This can make them feel like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. They will work themselves to the bone at times. When they put so much effort into their careers to help their families and feel they are not getting the respect they deserve in return, their behavior will change. They may not realize they’re acting out because they feel unappreciated.
We all want to feel appreciated for our contributions. “As social beings, we need appreciation — to acknowledge our contributions to other people and to feel connected to these people. However, as individuals striving to connect and contribute, many of us feel we don’t receive enough appreciation in our daily lives,” says Robert N. Kraft, Ph.D. When this is absent, it can cause changes in behavior.
Men who secretly feel unappreciated usually start acting like this without realizing
1. They withdraw emotionally
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When a man feels unappreciated, he may start to withdraw emotionally. It’s hard to give everything he can to someone he feels doesn’t do the same for him. He is hurt, but might be unable to verbalize his feelings. Instead, he will let her know by subtly disconnecting emotionally.
She’ll notice that he is talking to her on a deeper level less and less. When he’s not able to connect with her emotionally, things like date nights and quality time spent together will grow few and far between. He won’t enjoy doing the little things with her anymore. Their time together is often only when necessary, and their connection is surface-level.
2. They stop taking initiative
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When a relationship is going well, a man will often take the initiative where he can. He will plan dates, clean up around the house when he isn’t asked, and devote time and energy to his relationship. However, when he feels unappreciated, this will all come to a halt. He will do the bare minimum to maintain their relationship.
“No two relationships are the same because they involve different people. You should appreciate him often; acknowledge it if your boyfriend tries to satisfy and make you happy. Otherwise, he might pull away. Appreciation holds quite a significance in relationships,” writes relationship coach Anne Duvaux.
3. They have a short temper
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If someone feels like they are being taken advantage of, their patience for that person in their life will diminish. It’s hard to show up every day and make someone who doesn’t show you love, love you. As a result, they will often snap easily. You will notice they no longer bite their tongue in moments of stress. They are quicker to anger.
A short temper makes living together difficult. You always feel like you’re walking on eggshells. However, it’s understandable that a man who doesn’t feel appreciated will lose his patience with the person he feels is taking advantage of him. It can be hard for him to express his feelings, so he will end up lashing out to show his pain.
4. They distance themselves
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It’s not surprising that someone who feels unappreciated will distance themselves from the person who is hurting them. Instead of having an open conversation about it, it’s easier for them to just step away. That doesn’t always mean that he is only distancing himself from his partner. Sometimes, he will cut himself off from his own family if he feels they aren’t appreciating his effort.
“Men may not always say it, but they need to feel appreciated just like anyone else. When they constantly feel like their efforts go unnoticed or are taken for granted, it chips away at their commitment. It’s not like they need praise 24/7, but simple, genuine acknowledgment goes a long way,” says Georgia McCartney. “Over time, feeling unappreciated turns into frustration, and that frustration can lead to them stepping away.”
5. They seek validation from outside the relationship
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While it’s hard for his partner to think of, it’s not uncommon for a man who feels unappreciated to look for support outside of his union. It’s heartbreaking to know your partner is having an affair and using the lack of appreciation they feel from you as an excuse. Affairs are never acceptable, but when someone feels so unappreciated, they will seek validation from anyone else.
Maybe it’s a coworker who sees his hard work play out each day, or an old friend he connected with online. Whoever the person is who is boosting his ego, it’s painful no matter what. Feeling unappreciated can make a man do things he regrets. He could be looking for a quick ego boost to help him feel better, but long-term issues will be a result.
6. They seek independence
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It can be easy to choose to spend time with yourself over people you feel are not properly appreciating you. When a man is dealing with the pain of not being appreciated, he will likely become hyper-independent. He doesn’t feel like he can rely on his partner, so he will turn into himself.
“When a person is hyper-independent, it can impact things like trust and communication in a relationship. It can also keep a person from reaching out for help when they really need it,” says Auna Nygaard for Sandstone Care. “Individuals who are hyper-independent may carry a lot of weight on their shoulders because they feel like they cannot trust or rely on anyone but themselves.”
7. They become passive-aggressive
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It’s hard to find the patience for someone who you believe is not giving you the appreciation you deserve. With a lack of patience comes an increase in comments that can be viewed as rude. If he doesn’t feel supported, he will try to make you feel the same way. He may not even realize what he's doing.
With passive-aggressive comments come more arguments. While he may not realize what he’s doing, his partner will. The increase in fights will cause extreme issues in their relationship. More arguments lead to more unhappiness in the union. He’ll believe this could all be avoided had she shown him more appreciation.
8. They stop giving affection
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Affection in a happy relationship comes easily. When two people are really into each other, they’ll often hold hands and cuddle on the couch. However, when a man feels unappreciated, he will stop showing affection. He doesn’t feel like his needs are getting met, so he will shut down all intimacy. He will stop showing affection because he is holding a grudge from being unappreciated.
“One of the problems in most relationships is the inability to communicate and express feelings appropriately. When there is a fight, and there will be, partners should find a permanent way to resolve it together,” says Rachael Pace. “Partners hold grudges when they could have spoken up and talked. When your heart is disturbed, or you keep thinking of how your partner hurt you, it’s hardly possible to think about intimacy or affection.”
9. They give the silent treatment
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Let’s be honest. We have all given someone the silent treatment at some point. It is immature, sure, but sometimes it feels like the only option. When anger is so high, having a conversation can be difficult. This could further strain the relationship.
When a man feels unappreciated, he may want to hurt his partner in return. One easy way to get under someone’s skin is by giving them the silent treatment. It’s also difficult to speak to someone who you feel is taking advantage of you. Skipping small talk is often easier than discussing the issues at hand.
10. They get angry
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It’s easy to get caught up in your emotions when you feel you are not being treated properly in a relationship. Putting all your effort into something and not feeling validated for your work can be emotionally draining. It’s not surprising that, as a result, you’ll feel angrier. When a man feels this way, he can get caught up in their anger. It can be their go-to emotion when things get tough.
“In many instances, men may resort to the familiar experience of anger to conceal from themselves and others what they are truly feeling. What men most often feel underneath their anger is fear. Men get angry to cover their fear,” says Avrum Weiss, Ph.D.
11. They hyper-focus on work
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A man may work hard for his family because he feels it’s his duty. Outdated gender norms have taught us that men have to be providers. He will likely work extremely hard to support his loved ones. Even when he feels unappreciated, he turns to work for comfort. It can be the only aspect of his life he is proud of.
Turning into his work can be a red flag as well. As we discussed earlier, he may be seeking validation outside of his relationship. If he’s spending more time at work, it could be because he has found someone who makes him feel supported there. However, he could also be devoting so much time to his career because it’s the only thing that gives him confidence when he’s not feeling appreciated at home.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
