If A Man Secretly Wants A Woman Long Term, He Starts Doing These 11 Things When She’s Not Around
When a man is in it for the long haul, he'll make sure to do little things for her when she isn't in his presence.
GaudiLab / Shutterstock In the same way that men aren't mind readers, women also struggle to tell how a man feels at times. It isn't like he's trying to make it hard for her to understand him, but behavior isn't always black and white and often leaves room for misinterpretation.
Despite this fact, if a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he starts doing certain things when she's not around. He might be shy or trying to play it cool, but even if he can't help how he feels when they're apart. Whether he's thinking about her constantly or already planning for their future together, a man who's truly locked in knows quicker than women think. So, if he's mentioned doing any of these things, there's a good chance he plans to be around for the long haul.
If a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he starts doing these 11 things when she's not around
1. He talks about her to his friends and family
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If a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he starts talking about her to his friends and family when she's not around. He isn't trying to be obsessive or anything. However, once a man can see a future with her, he's completely locked in. Not just when it comes to planning dates, but he'll likely talk to his loved ones about her, too. And while it might feel slightly embarrassing to hear them say, "We know all about you," take it as a huge compliment.
As Clinical Professor in Psychiatry at Mount Sinai Icahn School of Medicine, Ahron Friedberg, M.D., said, "Both family and friends are important to your happiness." So, if a man is willing to open up to them and plans to introduce a woman to them, know that she's special in his eyes.
2. He plans for his future with her in mind
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Once someone reaches adulthood, they need to focus on themselves and their own personal needs. From where they want to go to college to what career they want to pursue, if a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he starts planning for his future with her in mind. Most men aren't planning their futures with just anyone. Since men tend to be to themselves, it'll take a special someone to get him to think about sharing his space with.
However, for the right woman, a man is willing to jump through hoops if it means making a relationship work. This is why he's slowly figuring out ways to ensure the relationship lasts long. Even if it requires a ton of compromise, a man who truly wants a woman is willing to make it if it means committing to her long-term.
3. He notices her body language more
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From the outside, this might not seem like much. After all, shouldn't the average man pay attention to people's body language? While it may seem as simple as breathing, the average person is focused on themselves and those closest to them. With so much on his plate and very little time, he isn't thinking, "Hmm, I wonder if my coworker looks sad today." Call him heartless, but if there's one thing 80% of men like to do, it's keep it simple.
This is probably why men tend to rank themselves lower on the people-pleasing scale compared to women. According to a YouGov survey, 44% of men self-identify as people pleasers, while 52% of women do the same.
That being said, if a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he'll start noticing her body language a lot more. No, he isn't trying to over-analyze her or be a weirdo. Since most men aren't paying attention to how others perceive them compared to women, most men also aren't noticing other things, like if someone's upset just by looking at them. Yet, if he truly sees himself with someone long-term, you can bet he's paying attention. From him noticing she's sad to noticing she's agitated, a man who cares can't help but be hyper aware.
4. He remembers small details about her
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Men are great at many things, but as most women know, the average man might struggle to remember the little things, whether it's something small, like "Did I wash my blankets recently?" or something huge, like "When's that person's birthday?" Most men struggle to remember the small things. However, if a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he'll start remembering the small details about her.
When a man is truly committed to a woman, he wants to know everything about her. From how she likes her coffee in the morning to her favorite childhood book, a man who is committed to the long haul isn't going to go 50-50. If he genuinely likes the girl, he'll make an honest effort to meet her needs in any way he can. Whether it involves getting her favorite flowers or favorite chocolate during her period, how well he remembers can determine where he sees the relationship going.
5. He replays their conversation in his head
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If there's one thing many men hate doing, it's wasting time. Whether it's wasting time at their job or doing a bland activity their parents dragged them into, most men prefer things short and to the point. However, if he finds himself wasting time replaying their conversations in his head, it might mean a man secretly wants a woman long-term. Unless he's truly serious about a woman, a man isn't going to waste too much time thinking of her.
It sounds cold, but most men know what they want and refuse to waste time on other things. This is why he won't replay conversations unless he genuinely cares about how he comes across to that person. This is good, as negatively reminiscing all the time can destroy one's mental health. Men know this, which is why they're only putting energy into people who are truly worth their time.
As Chartered Psychologist Jolanta Burke, Ph.D., said, "Positive reminiscence improves health, reduces depression/anxiety, increases well-being, gives hope, and builds future psychological resources."
6. He seeks advice on relationships
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Most men aren't too keen on discussing their relationships with everyone. Despite what some may think, most men prefer to keep these things to themselves. However, if a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he'll seek advice on relationships. It's hard being vulnerable, and most men know this.
Still, if a man truly sees a future with her, he'll do everything in his power to keep her by his side. Even if it means asking his therapist or trustworthy family members for advice on how best to maintain the relationship, he'll push his pride to the side and do it. So long as the relationship is worth it in his eyes, he'll do whatever it takes to make sure everyone in the relationship is content and happy.
7. He checks in with their mutuals
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Most of the time, we end up dating people who are somewhat close to us. Whether it's family introducing us to someone or friends, it's normal to have a few mutual friends with one's partner. However, if a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he starts checking in with their mutuals. On the outside, it might not make much sense, but if a man wants to know where he stands with a woman and is too afraid to ask, he might confide in mutuals.
Whether it's asking for solid advice or asking if she's said anything to them, a man who clearly cares and wants something serious will always confide in mutuals. Of course, when in doubt, being upfront is always the best option. Not only does it clear up misunderstandings, but according to a study published in 2009, those who are the pursuer tend to experience a greater confidence boost.
So, if a man isn't feeling all that confident about making the first move, check in and then plan accordingly. If mutuals are saying she may be interested, chances are, they're probably right.
8. He prioritizes her
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A man who's serious about a woman isn't going to put her last on his list. No matter how busy or chaotic life gets, if a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he'll begin prioritizing her, no matter what. Most men aren't actually clueless. They understand that making a relationship work requires a bit of sacrifice. Even if he'd rather stay inside playing video games or getting some sleep in, if he's serious about a girl, he'll drop everything to be by her side.
Without her having to beg too much, a man who sees something long-term will do his best to show up when it counts the most. From small meet-ups to comforting her as she rants about her day, it's easy to tell how a man feels based on his actions.
9. He avoids other romantic flings
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Nowadays, everywhere people scroll, there seems to be a video of someone getting cheated on. From couples that recently got together to couples who have kids together, infidelity spares nobody. PR Newswire reported that in a survey, around 71% of Americans admitted to cheating on a spouse. And while cheating might be all too normalized in our society, if a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he starts avoiding other romantic flings.
It's the bare minimum, but as dating gets worse, a man who isn't out there flirting with other women is pretty locked in. While talking stages and 'situationships' often get in the way of couples making it official, a man who's locked in doesn't care. As long as she remains committed to the connection, a man is willing to stay loyal.
10. He stays emotionally consistent
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If a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he is emotionally consistent with her. Many men aren't the greatest at expressing their emotions. At a young age, many men were taught to suppress their feelings in favor of being 'manly enough.' In the end, all that did was bridge the gap more between man and woman, making men a bit less emotionally consistent. However, if he finds the right woman, he'll do whatever it takes to make her feel secure in the connection.
Even if it means getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, a man who sees something long-term is willing to be real with her if it means keeping their connection going. So, if he's consistent, open, and honest, this might be a huge sign he secretly wants a woman.
11. He thinks of ways to make her day better
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Finally, if a man secretly wants a woman long-term, he thinks of ways to make her day better. He doesn't need to be in a relationship with her to take her needs seriously. If a man sees this woman as his future wife, there's nothing he won't do to put a smile on her face. Whether it's by showing up with flowers or ordering her DoorDash after a grueling day of work, a man is always thinking of ways to make her day brighter.
Of course, he doesn't just do that for any woman. Just like women, men have also become guarded with their hearts. However, if he opens up to her and she matches his energy, there's nothing he won't do to make sure the relationship works. After all, effort is important. According to researcher Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., "Effort signals responsiveness, willingness to grow, and commitment — traits essential to a thriving relationship." So, if he's putting in effort, this is a huge sign he's into her and plans to stay that way.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
