11 Things Normal People Should Stop Expecting From Their Friends, No Matter What
Never expect these things from a friend.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Nowadays, it's hard to find genuine friendship. From childhood friends moving away to college friends not keeping in contact, it's no wonder that many of us take our friendships seriously. With so little social interaction, most people cherish their friendships immensely and will do anything to keep them intact. And while all of this is admirable, there are several things normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what.
As great a friend as they may be, sometimes, people demand so much from these relationships without realizing that they're overstepping boundaries. From demanding someone's time and attention to expecting them always to be there, unrealistic expectations have become normalized in society. So, with all this in mind, if someone wants to keep their small circle of friends close, here are some things they need to let go of.
These are 11 things normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what
1. Constant availability
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The first thing normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, is constant availability. Sorry, but friends can't always be available 24/7. No matter how bad the emergency is, friends have their own lives and own responsibilities they can't neglect. So, while a good friend will do their best to be there, it isn't always a guarantee. That being said, if they're never there for you, this could be a huge sign that it's time to let go.
As Mental Health Practitioner and Clinical Data Analyst, Ankita Guchait, MBPsS, said, "Chasing friends who never reach back creates stress and emotional fatigue." So, if someone finds themselves begging their friends to show up for them, let them go. While they can't be available constantly, the average friend will be there for their loved ones at least 70% of the time if they can help it.
2. Emotional labor on demand
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Everyone wants to be there for their friends, but let's face it: carrying that emotional labor is difficult. Whether it's dealing with a friend's traumatic experiences or being there for them while they're going through it in their relationship, a thing normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, is emotional labor on demand. Of course, true friends should be there during those tough moments.
Just as they'd want their loved ones to show up, they need to show up for them as well. That being said, there's a huge line they need to draw in the same way when it comes to comfort versus emotional labor on demand. While spending time on the phone with them after work is fine, their calling you at three in the morning, expecting emotional support, is crossing a line.
After all, emotional burnout is a real thing. So, even if a person needs their friends, be mindful of their time and energy. Sure, their friend has no problem sticking around and comforting you; however, be sure to give them the time they need to decompress.
3. Always taking their friend's side
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As friends, we do our best to stick by our friend's side, no matter what. However, just like anything in life, there should always be exceptions to the rules. As much as people love their friends, sometimes, friends take it too far. From name-calling to engaging in unexcusable behavior, something normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, is always taking their side.
Sorry, but blindly agreeing with a friend isn't healthy. Regardless of someone's intentions, refusing to call out someone on their bad behavior inadvertently enables that behavior. This isn't great, as according to clinical health psychologist Jade Wu, Ph.D., "Enabling keeps someone in the status quo, preventing them from learning from mistakes, and shielding them from negative consequences."
So, if someone wants to be a true friend, don't be afraid to disagree. While disagreeing can be terrifying at times, it also fosters good discussion and can even create more emotional intimacy in the relationship.
4. Dropping everything when their friend needs them
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Everyone wants to be a solid, supportive friend, yet life often gets in the way. Whether it's work obligations or family obligations, a thing normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, is to drop everything when their friend needs them. In an ideal world, it'd be perfect if a friend could drop everything and always be there. However, life gets busy, and friends can't always be what others need.
As hard as it may be, people always go through their own fair share of personal problems. And while they'd love nothing more than to push these problems to the side and be in the moment, it's a lot easier said than done.
5. Reading their friend's mind
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In the same way, people shouldn't expect their partner to read their mind, a thing normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, are reading their friends' minds. Sorry, but friends aren't all that great at picking up on body signals. Even if someone thinks they've made it clear, body language isn't that simple. As Professor of Leadership and Organizational Psychology Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D., explained, "Many errors we make in reading body language are because we aren't truly observing, but relying on stereotypes."
This is why friends need to be open and honest in their communication. As difficult as it may be, it's always better to be upfront with one's needs than have people second-guess. Not only will this create less miscommunication and misunderstandings, but it'll also avoid a ton of frustration later down the road. Now, is this always easy? Of course not. After all, being vulnerable never is.
However, if the average person wants to keep any relationship alive, communication is key.
6. To always be the same
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Nobody likes change, and friends are no exception. Whether it's a friendship break-up or a sudden shift in their relationship, the average person struggles to deal with life's unexpectedness. That being said, a thing normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, is to always be the same. It sucks, but friends are bound to change throughout the years.
Even the closest friends people know can become strangers in just a few months. It isn't their fault, but life happens, and sometimes, people move on to better things or become the worst version of themselves. This doesn't make this process any less painful; however, if someone wants to continue to have friendships with others, they need to understand that, like anything in life, change is inevitable.
7. To choose their friend over their partner
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Now, this might be extremely unpopular to say, but a thing normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, is to choose their friends over their partner. If a couple has been together for a few years, it's a bit selfish to expect a friend to pick your side. Even if they're your best friend, in the end, a couple needs to stick together and support one another. Of course, this is far from easy and will definitely cause a few strains.
However, in the same way women expect their man to choose her over his friends, a woman should be willing to do the same, even if it's hard. That being said, there are exceptions to the rules. As clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., said, where someone is in life and how old they are a huge factors. For those who are younger, it might be wise to salvage their friendship. Yet, if someone's been dating a person for years, sorry, besties, but choosing a partner over a friend might be their best bet.
8. To always be happy for you
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As a friend, we always want to do our best to happy for our loved ones. However, there's always a time when being happy is no longer an option. Whether it's because they're in a toxic relationship or making a dangerous mistake, a thing normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, is to always be happy for you. Sorry, but expecting a friend to always be happy is a bit unrealistic.
Even if it's a shining moment for them, it's normal for friends to feel jealous or hurt. That being said, it's how they react despite their feeling that makes all the difference. If a friend is willing to be vulnerable or to push past those negative emotions, then they're a solid friend. However, if they make everything about themselves and refuse to change, then it might be high time to let them go.
9. Constant validation
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Everyone feels insecure from time to time. Whether it's deemed insignificant or not, most people can use a confidence boost from their loved ones from time to time. That being said, there's a difference between validating sometimes and validating constantly. As it stands, a thing normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, is constant validation.
Their friends may be supportive, yet it doesn't change the fact that always validating others gets to be exhausting. Not only that, but it can damage their friendship with others in unexpected ways. According to Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, ABPP, "People who are constantly seeking approval may find that they suppress their genuine thoughts and feelings." So, if someone wants to keep their friendship intact, never seek approval 24/7. As tough as it sounds, people need to learn how to love themselves in their own way.
10. To never outgrow their friends
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The hardest thing about friendship is going through the friendship breakups. It's heartwrenching, but sometimes, no matter how hard someone tries, they can no longer click with their childhood friends. It isn't anyone's fault, yet the glue that used to hold everyone together no longer works. As a result, a thing normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, is to never outgrow their friends.
Whether it's you or another person, people are bound to separate. It's. not on purpose, but life gets in the way, and truthfully, people change. What they were once interested in fades away as they move on to bigger and better things. And as much as it may hurt, it's better to let a friendship go than to cling to something that's only causing poth parties to stress.
11. Tolerate disrespect
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Finally, the last thing normal people should stop expecting from their friends, no matter what, is to tolerate disrespect. It should go without saying that friends shouldn't be disrespecting one another. However, in the same way we tolerate our parents disrespecting us, some people tolerate their friends disrespecting them. It's unfortunate, but in their eyes, they don't want to ruin a friendship because of a little misunderstanding.
Even so, there's only so much toxic behavior someone can take. As licensed counselor Stephanie A. Sarkis, Ph.D., explained, "Toxic people drain others' energy by constantly demanding attention, sympathy, or validation." So, unless someone wants to become the worst version of themselves, it's always better to separate; otherwise, they'll be hurting themselves in the long run.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
