11 Things Deeply Unhappy Women Say On A Regular Basis, According To Experts
Women who are deeply unhappy may try to pretend everything's fine, but in reality, they're often struggling.
GaudiLab / Shutterstock As much as we'd like it to be different, life isn't always fulfilling and easy. In the same way men can be quick to downplay their emotions despite how they actually feel beneath the surface, women often do the same. In fact, according to the Campaign to End Loneliness, people under 30 are usually the loneliest age group, and women are significantly more likely to be chronically lonely than men. The heaviness women sometimes feel might not be obvious, unless you're listening carefully to the words they repeat on a daily basis.
Women have been conditioned much in the same way that men have been to make it seem like they are keeping things together, even if they're struggling inside. And when women are deeply unhappy, there are things they say on a regular basis that reveal the fact that not everything is as great as they may want you to believe.
Here are 11 things deeply unhappy women say on a regular basis
1. 'I'm tired'
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For the most part, expressing feelings of exhaustion isn't always to do with the amount of sleep that she's gotten the night prior. For some women, the exhaustion is mostly emotional and mental. There are usually some deeper feelings of stress and even sadness that lie beneath her simply saying she's tired. It's not the kind of exhaustion that can be fixed with some cups of coffee or even a nap, but the kind of fatigue that exists because you're constantly pouring into other people without actually pouring back into yourself as well.
High-achieving women are more likely to feel this burnout, according to clinical psychologist Melanie McNally. McNally explained, "From a young age, women are taught to be caregivers and peacemakers. Success for women often comes with the expectation of excelling in every domain: stellar career, perfect family, impeccable home. Taking time for themselves can trigger guilt."
It could be juggling a pyramid of responsibilities, from taking care of the house and kids to balancing your job on top of all of that. It's being there for your friends when they need a shoulder to cry on or showing up for your family when they're experiencing some kind of crisis. That kind of burnout means you're just destined for it to catch up with you eventually.
2. 'I should be happy, but...'
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On the outside, it might seem like she has everything. She has a stable, well-paying job, a loving family, a healthy relationship with her loved ones, and a secure lifestyle, but on the inside, she may feel like something's missing. It's as if she knows she should be happy, but the way she feels mentally makes it seem like she might be living the opposite kind of life.
"You do not need to feel thankful for everything in your life if that is not your authentic experience, and there is no need to make lengthy lists of ambivalent material. You need only allow yourself to bask in the felt sense of that for which you are sincerely thankful," explained stress expert Alane K. Daugherty.
Rather than being able to validate her own happiness, women sometimes find it easier to shame themselves for not being grateful enough. They believe there is something wrong with them if they aren't able to enjoy the life they have, and maybe even the life they dreamed of. They're just struggling with the disconnect of how their life looks and how they actually feel, but two things can exist at the same time. No matter how "perfect" your life may seem, it doesn't invalidate the emotional turmoil that you may be going through.
3. 'Nobody understands me'
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When a woman feels frustrated by the lack of support in her life, she may start to feel like nobody truly understands her. She might have been trying to express her needs or struggles, but instead feels like her words are falling on deaf ears with the people around her. When women start to feel like their experiences aren't being validated, it isn't long before they refuse to open up altogether.
"We won’t solve our loneliness, disengagement, and mental health crises through more programs, platforms, and initiatives alone. We’ll solve it by showing up in our next interaction and ensuring the other person feels seen, heard, and valued," insisted leadership expert Zach Mercurio.
By women continuing to isolate themselves from those in their circle, those feelings of being misunderstood only increase, not because the people around don't actually care, but because they no longer believe that anyone will be able to really get it and the things they're going through. The more a woman feels this way, the less likely she is to actually reach out for support, which only makes these feelings of loneliness and disconnect even worse. She'll soon start to feel hopeless altogether, thinking that she has to be the one who navigates her entire life completely alone.
4. 'I feel like I'm failing at everything'
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She might be struggling to meet certain expectations, which is why she truly believes she's not succeeding at anything she does. Many women feel this way, whether it's in the workplace or even at home. They feel immense pressure to live up to the idea of perfection with each role they take up in this life. When one thing ends up slipping through the cracks, they suddenly start to feel like everything is just falling apart around them.
"You are right when you think life sucks, and you are also right when you believe you can overcome any obstacle. The reality you experience stems not from what life throws at you, but from how you interpret it," emphasized clinical psychologist Robert Puff.
Rather than seeing the challenges as an isolated experience that will not dictate their future achievements, women in this mindset think of it as a personal failure. Any small setback pushes them further into thinking they can never land back on their feet, rather than seeing it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Becoming better versions of ourselves comes through how we handle the hard times. Rather than letting them win and affect our confidence, it should just be a reminder that struggling is normal and not ever a reflection of what you're personally doing wrong.
5. 'I wish I could start over'
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When a woman says that she is yearning to start over, it is usually rooted in her feeling as if her life hasn't turned out in the particular way that she might've wanted it to. She's starting to rethink many of her choices and even some of the relationships that she has in her life that might've led her away from actually feeling happy. It's less about wanting, or even needing, a clean slate and more about wanting to be weighed from the things of her past. The issue, though, is that she's focusing too much on the past rather than the present.
Instead of focusing on what could be possible now and even what she could do to change her circumstances, she's fixated on the fact that it would be better to just start over altogether and erase the mistakes that she feels she might've made in her past. But there's truly no possible scenario where you can change what's happened in the past. Instead, you can use the past to help you rebuild the parts of your life that can help you start fresh right now.
6. 'I can't find any peace'
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When a woman is feeling constant turmoil in her life, she may start to feel like her peace is being jeopardized. She can't seem to find a moment to collect herself, and so her mind might always be racing, she's constantly overthinking, and carrying all of this tension in her body from the fact that her emotions are constantly on edge. It isn't about her feeling particularly stressed, but battling with this persistent sense that actually being able to rest is so far out of reach.
"Inner peace, unlike happiness, needs to be cultivated and developed through mindful living. By choosing to intentionally develop inner peace, you may discover a sense of serenity, tranquility, balance, and stability that is with you always, in your good times and in your bad times," explained psychologist Tchiki Davis.
Her nervous system is constantly just in this heightened state that it's hard for her to actually feel safe or even relaxed. By your peace being disrupted like that, it's hard to feel any semblance of happiness. No matter what happens in life, we need to find time to replenish our mental state. Living in a perpetual state of restlessness and on edge means you'll never escape despair.
7. 'I'm constantly second-guessing myself'
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This phrase usually reflects a much deeper struggle that a woman might be having with her self-confidence and trust in the decision she makes. It's not just the occasional doubt that crops up from time to time when you might be going through a bit of a moment where everything might feel a bit unsteady, but it's this constant pattern of her wondering if she's making a good choice.
Living in a state of constant doubt means she never experiences genuine happiness, as she feels every decision she makes in life is high stakes. She constantly feels trapped in her own mind, and by questioning herself to the point where she stresses herself out, it makes it difficult for her to actually take control of her emotions and feelings.
8. 'I'm just going through the motions'
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On the surface, a woman saying this phrase by not be as concerning as it actually is. But in reality, she's simply completing all of the tasks that need to get done and fulfilling all of the obligations that are being expected of her, but on the inside, she might actually feel extremely numb and detached. She's simply going through the motions and moving robotically through her day without actually feeling genuine satisfaction or even enjoyment.
There's no quicker way to deplete your happiness than just doing things out of pure obligation rather than the desire to get things done. It's important for women who are feeling this way to actually put their personal needs first because neglecting them for the sake of just moving through life with no purpose will only be doing them a disservice. It means prioritizing interests that matter to you and setting boundaries with other things that aren't bringing you happiness.
9. 'I don't know who I am anymore'
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A woman expressing that she doesn't know who she is anymore is a woman struggling with her sense of identity. The constant demands of things around her have left her feeling as if she no longer has a sense of self. That level of unhappiness means she might have spent years and years putting other people's needs over her own. When she puts all of this energy into taking care of other people, there's simply no room left to actually nurture the things that are important to her.
Her goals, dreams, and things she wants to achieve are always being pushed to the back burner. Over time, she's left feeling confused and even empty about who she might actually be in this world. She no longer feels grounded in who she is, which is why it's important to always make time and put energy into exploring the interests and passions that you want to. It means creating a space where you can easily express your creative spark, in whatever way that looks like for you.
10. 'I always feel behind'
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For a woman saying this, she might be experiencing this external pressure to be someone she's struggling to be. There's an expectation that she might feel pressure to live up to, and by not being that version of who others want her to be, she feels she can't win at all.
In a time where it's so easy to compare our own lives to the lives of those around us through social media, seeing all of these curated glimpses of how other people are can create the belief that they're so far ahead of you. However, we all move at our own pace. We should be able to celebrate the progress that we're making without trying to compare our journey to those around us.
"First of all, studies show that we compare ourselves to those who seem ahead in some way and forget about the masses who are in a worse predicament. Such vertical comparisons can trigger feelings of inadequacy and inferiority, which pose a threat to your self-esteem and overall mood," explained psychiatrist Dimitrios Tsatiris.
11. 'I don't feel hopeful about the future'
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Considering the times we're living in, it's virtually impossible for anyone to feel any sense of hope or excitement about the future. Despite that, our own personal futures are something that we should try and control if we aren't able to control the future of things around us. When women feel this way, it's less about just having a bad day and more about struggling to stay motivated about their future endeavors. Feeling the road ahead is just bleak can hurt a woman's sense of happiness.
She's simply finding it hard to feel any semblance of purpose when everything around her feels like it's crumbling. It can be so easy to just fall into a sense of hopelessness about the future. Still, instead of trying to look for a quick fix or even attempting to brush it under the rug, it's better to actually validate the feelings you have. But to also remind yourself that just because you feel this way, it doesn't mean it has to define your future either.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
