11 Signs Of A Woman Who’s Done Chasing Approval For Good
Women are conditioned to seek approval from birth, but once we learn the most important approval comes from within, we do things differently.
Golden Hour999 / Shutterstock Women are socialized from birth to compete for just about everything, including the attention of men, a good job, and general acceptance by society as a whole. The cycle of people-pleasing can be exhausting, but there comes a time in many women's lives when seeking external validation stops making sense, and they stop second-guessing their worth.
There are many reasons a woman might come to the realization that she is done chasing other people's approval. She could be burned out, heartbroken, or emotionally mature enough to know that what truly matters is how happy she is with herself. She understands who she is and what she deserves and is no longer willing to settle for less.
Here are 11 signs of a woman who's done chasing approval for good
1. She says 'no' without explaining herself
Zmaster from Getty Images via Canva
There was a time when I would bend over backwards and twist myself into knots trying to explain why I didn't want to do something or couldn't make it to something. The guilt would consume me, and I would make all the excuses in the world instead of just saying no. Emotional growth has taught me that "No" is a complete sentence. Many women have come to the same conclusion and are now empowered to reject things that do not serve them without compromise.
No more long-winded explanations or keeping a mental tally of what you owe for not doing someone else's bidding. And it's not necessarily that you are rejecting things that are bad for you. You might have other priorities, or it may not align with your values, or you might not have the energy or desire to participate at that time, and that's okay. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind.
2. She looks good for herself
Anna Subbotina via Canva
Beauty standards have historically prompted women to jump on every trend that comes up, trying to look the way society believes we should. We went out of our way to make sure our clothing, makeup, and hair were top-tier and would be judged positively under the gaze of others. But as we learn more about ourselves, we find out that it's not about what's on you, but what's in you.
A woman who has decided that she no longer needs the approval of other people doesn't need to follow trends because her presence radiates authenticity and confidence. She dresses in ways that make her feel powerful, comfortable, and creative, not in ways she believes will win over prying eyes.
3. She stops over-apologizing
Dean Drobot via Canva
A woman who knows her worth and refuses to give out any more discounts doesn't make unnecessary apologies. She no longer fills uncomfortable silence with "sorrys" that make her accountable for everyone else's actions and feelings. She is accountable for her actions, but no longer feels the need to take responsibility where she is not culpable.
You will no longer hear her making apologies for simply taking up space, having her own opinions, or making decisions that others may not agree with. She no longer confuses being polite to others with having unnecessary guilt. If a person takes issue with who she is, she now considers that a "them" problem, nothing for her to resolve.
4. She chooses peace over performance
fizkes from Getty Images via Canva
A woman who is no longer looking for your approval prioritizes peace in her life. She is not a show pony, prancing around and hoping to win the highest level of acceptance from onlookers. You won't catch her doing the emotional labor she used to when she wanted to preserve the status quo and avoid confrontation.
If there is an issue, she won't minimize it to make other people comfortable. She will approach it head-on, respectfully, and with clarity, to seek resolution, even if others don't like it. A woman who has decided that approval from everyone else is much less important than loving herself is willing to have hard conversations, so she knows who and what deserves to continue with her on her life journey.
5. She trusts her own judgment
cvpericias from pixabay via Canva
I cannot count the number of times I've had a feeling in my gut that told me something wasn't right, but I've pushed it aside and proceeded anyway. Every time, it led to a very unfavorable outcome. Ignoring your intuition never turns out well. When a woman realizes that her brain has been optimized for quick, intuitive decision-making and that we are psychologically more in touch with our emotions than our male counterparts, we start to trust ourselves before anyone else.
In the past, she may have taken a poll of family members, friends, a romantic partner, and whoever else she subconsciously needed approval from. But nowadays, she goes within and listens to that little voice inside of her that lets her know whether something is in her best interest or not.
6. She's not afraid to disappoint people
Pressmaster via Canva
You can't make everyone happy all of the time. But that didn't stop us from going out of our way, much to our own detriment, to fulfill everyone else, while leaving ourselves drained and depleted. No more. Women who don't need your approval worry about not disappointing themselves, first and foremost.
"How do I feel about this?" is the new litmus test for the evolved woman who knows that it doesn't matter who else is pleased if she lets herself down in the process. There will be times when she makes the decision that best suits her, and other people get upset. But she's willing to pay that price to maintain her dignity and self-worth.
7. She is comfortable being misunderstood
Dragos Condrea from Getty Images via Canva
Not everyone is for you. But you are not for everybody either. Sometimes, people may not resonate with or even understand your message. Many will be willfully ignorant because they would rather you understand that and get on board with their program. But when you know yourself, you don't need everyone else to understand you.
Well-adjusted women let go of the need to be viewed in a certain way. Being misjudged by others is not her problem anymore. If they don't get her, so be it. They were not meant to. As long as she can look herself in the mirror and be proud of the woman she has become, all is right in the world.
8. She sets boundaries without guilt
SDI Productions from Getty Images Signature via Canva
The thing about boundaries is that they belong to you. Yet, many women set them based on how other people will feel. They are willing to adjust their boundaries and lower their standards, so they don't offend anyone else. But a woman who has done all of the people-pleasing she could stand draws lines based on her needs and is willing to lose people who cannot adhere to them.
She no longer feels bad about putting safeguards in place that protect her heart, her energy, her mental and emotional wellness, and her resources. Her boundaries are not up for negotiation, and she won't lower the bar so that you can meet it. You are either compatible with who she is or you're not. Either way, she will be fine.
9. She doesn't need to be liked by everyone
freemixer from Getty Images Signature via Canva
I often say, "I like me. Everyone else is extra credit." I don't expect everyone to see how amazing I am because what they like is subjective. If you have outgrown searching for acceptance like I have, you are more selective about who you give access to. You don't need everyone to think you're the best thing since sliced bread, and would prefer people express their dislike rather than be fake around you.
Women who don't need approval anymore would rather be respected than liked. Being everyone's cup of tea is no longer the goal. She wants an authentic and organic connection, not joining arms with people just because they happen to be there and available. She sees your rejection as her divine protection.
10. She owns her flaws publicly
SteveLuker from Getty Images Signature via Canva
Admitting you are not perfect is hard when you haven't gone on a journey of self-discovery and learned exactly who you are as a woman. You try your hardest to be what is expected, hide your imperfections, and attempt to control the narrative. But once you have gone within and come out better than ever, you embrace yourself, flaws and all.
You no longer try to bury the things about you that make you insecure or uncomfortable. You do the work to fix them, but in the meantime, you own them. A lady who has reached this point understands that what's for her is for her and cannot be deterred. She doesn't need to pretend to be something she is not to get approval from people who should not be in her life in the first place.
11. She walks away when her worth isn't recognized
Keira Burton from Pexels via Canva
It took me sixteen long years to walk away from my marriage. But in hindsight, I now know that I didn't understand my own worth, so it was impossible to get someone else to. As I developed my self-awareness and self-acceptance, my confidence grew, and I was finally able to let the relationship grow so I could move onto spaces and places where people knew who I was and honored that.
Whether it's friendships, relationships, or in a professional setting, a woman who is not looking for anyone's approval no longer fights to prove her value. If someone can't see it, she walks away instead of fighting tooth and nail to open their eyes. She knows what she brings to the table and isn't afraid to eat alone.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
