11 Things Women Should Never Give To A Man No Matter How Long They've Been Together
Stop tolerating misbehavior and lacking effort.
Impact Photography | Shutterstock Our comfort and need for validation can sometimes urge us into acceptance of things like gaslighting, manipulation, and lacking reciprocity in our relationships, according to a study from Frontiers in Psychology. We offer things like emotional support, acceptance, misguided compromise, and tolerance, even at the expense of our own personal well-being, identity, and relationship health.
That's why there are a number of things women should never give to a man no matter how long they've been together. Even when it's hard, confronting, or difficult, they have to lead with their own personhood, identity, and needs in mind. Relationships are "give and take" and rooted in balance, but when one partner consistently gives up more or puts their well-being at risk for the sake of the other's comfort, nobody truly benefits in the long run.
Here are 11 things women should never give to a man no matter how long they've been together
1. A compromise of values or lifestyles
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When partners have a greater sense of balance and "we" in their relationships, the sacrifice and accommodation it takes to compromise can promote more positive outcomes, compared to compromises with little reciprocity or acknowledgement, according to a study from the Journal of Happiness Studies.
There are certain compromises — around values, lifestyles, financial decisions, or identity — that hardly ever bring couples closer together and shouldn't be made in long-term partnerships. That's why they're one of the things women should never give to a man no matter how long they've been together, especially if they're one-sided and offered without support or acknowledgement.
2. Comfort when he's caused pain
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Tolerating misbehavior for the sake of another partner's comfort or offering them peace when they've hurt you is the quickest way to create an unbalanced relationship. Not only does it encourage them to continue harmful habits and use manipulative language in the future, it sabotages personal well-being and self-esteem.
When women offer comfort to their husbands after they've intentionally hurt them, they're solidifying their own limiting beliefs about the kind of love and appreciation they deserve.
3. Control over her mood
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When relationships are unbalanced and one partner has more control over emotions, it can have short- and long-term consequences on women, especially young women, according to a 2018 study. Whether that means controlling a partner's mood by invalidating excitement, bringing bad energy or anger home from work, or punishing behavior they don't like in a transactional way, a partner who feels empowered to control your mood is one that's willing to control your life.
That's why women should never give control to men over their mood, no matter how long they've been together. Of course, emotional support and empathy is important — even for complex emotions like resentment — but to take on the burden of anger, fear, or anxiety constantly only pushes partners farther apart.
4. Silence when she feels disrespected
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Mutual respect is often the foundation of long-term relationships, which is why silence is one of the things women should never give to a man, no matter how long they've been together, if they feel chronically disrespected.
This kind of chronic disrespect can also encourage wives to be hypervigilant around their partners, pushing them away and creating distance in situations or conversations where they feel like disrespect is coming, according to a study from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. These women live in a state of constant anxiety, trying to simultaneously spend time with their partner, while also protecting themselves from the pain of their disrespect.
5. Excuses for inconsistency
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On a daily basis, it's often the little things — like actively listening or showing up on time — that truly craft the healthiest of relationships. Both partners make a commitment, even amid the chaos of their days, to show up for each other without question. That's why excuses have no place in a relationship, especially on a consistent basis.
If a partner isn't prioritizing you by making their commitments, keeping promises, and showing up on time and in a thoughtful manner, it's worthy of a conversation about what they need to show up better for you. Excuses only encourage women to suppress their discomfort and anger in the moment, crafting resentment that will demand to be acknowledged at some point or another.
6. Physical affection when she feels emotionally unsupported
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Considering men tend to desire and prioritize physical intimacy and touch more than their female counterparts, it's not surprising that they'd still indulge it, even when they're not showing up in a vulnerable or emotional way in other aspects of life. However, physical touch when they don't feel supported in these realms is just one of the things women should never give to a man no matter how long they've been together.
Couples who boast higher levels of physical touch and affection do tend to be happier, but largely because they form a foundation of trust, intimacy, and emotional support first that both partners feel confident and secure within.
Even if you're casually seeing someone or in the early stages of a relationship, don't offer physical affection if you don't feel respected, heard, or supported. You not only deserve more than someone using you solely for their own pleasure, you're worthy of connection and companionship before physical connection, if that's what you want or need.
7. Personal dreams for her comfort
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While compromise is important in relationships, giving up on personal dreams for a partner's comfort or overlooking your goals to make space for them can be equally misguided and disconnecting. Individuality is important to maintain in relationships, which is why making space for alone time, personal dreams, hobbies, and goals actually brings couples closer together — no matter how ironic that may seem.
Even if they don't agree at first, being open about the things you want and the values that matter to you should always come first. They need to let you be who you are, even if it means addressing their own insecurities first.
8. Loyalty without reciprocity
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While it may be uncomfortable and time-consuming to cultivate, trust and loyalty are a few of the most important pillars for stability and health in long-term relationships. However, if it's consistently one partner showing up, expressing and embodying their commitment, and remaining loyal, while the other only looks out for themselves, there's more disconnection and resentment than true commitment.
Loyalty without reciprocity is one of the things women should never give to a man no matter how long they've been together, especially if she's compromising on things like personal dreams, values, and growth for the sake of the relationship.
9. Her identity for a relationship
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Personal identity, personality, and individuality is what draws couples closer together. It not only gives them something to talk about and bond over when they're together, it ensures that each partner is looking out for their own emotional, physical, and social well-being.
When couples spend all of their time together and overlook personal identity for the sake of partnership, they're not doing anyone any favors. That's why personal identity, for the sake of a relationship, is one of the things women should never give to a man, no matter how long they've been together.
They deserve — and truly need — platonic relationships with friends, hobbies, self-care, and alone time to thrive, and when a partner takes that away from them, they're more vulnerable to control and misbehavior.
10. Acceptance for misbehavior
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When women tolerate misbehavior and settle for less than they deserve, they not only warp their feelings of comfort and security in a relationship — setting themselves up for long-term consequences and struggles with trust — they solidify misguided beliefs about their self-worth.
By tolerating gaslighting or manipulation and avoiding self-advocacy, they remind themselves — on an internal level — that they deserve how they're being treated. They stay quiet to people-please and avoid confrontation, even if that means framing their needs and feelings as less important than their partners.
11. Apologies to end an argument
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When women offer misguided apologies and accountability for things they didn't do — whether it was expressing hurt that their partner showed up late or hurt their feelings — to avoid conflict and confrontation with a partner, they're only encouraging their partner to continue framing themselves as the victim.
Apologies simply to end an argument are one of the things women should never give to a man no matter how long they've been together. Of course, they can emotionally support their partner's frustrations, even if they don't agree with the root cause, but taking on all of the blame to avoid arguments or cope with fears of abandonment only leaves them feeling more alone.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
