11 Behaviors That Seem Generous But Are Actually Signs Of A Really Cheap Person
Their willingness to be helpful usually comes with stipulations.
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock We all enjoy having that person in our lives who has a generous nature about them. From offering to buy you a cup of coffee to coming over and giving emotional support when you're going through a rough time, you know you can always count on them to be there when the time is needed. The best part? They usually aren't looking for anything in return or trying to be sneaky — they're simply generous because of how they were raised and how thoughtful they are.
However, because there are behaviors that seem generous but are actually signs of a really cheap person, it makes these gestures feel intentional. Suddenly, the favor they'd done for you comes with attached stipulations. It can be easy to fall for this because they come off as if they have good intentions, and they may surely have it, but somewhere down the line, it's lost completely. By learning to notice the signs, you can start to better understand the company you're keeping and make adjustments if you feel that you deserve a bit better.
Here are 11 behaviors that seem generous but are actually signs of a really cheap person
1. Splitting the bill down to the last cent
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According to a survey from Pew Research Center, an estimated 21% of people use financial apps like Venmo, Zelle, PayPal, or Cash App to split expenses with other people. Splitting the bill with friends is usually a fair way to handle expenses when eating out, but there's usually a fine line between being fair and just trying to penny-pinch.
A person who always insists on splitting the bill down to the last cent will sometimes frame it as being considerate or fair, especially to the things that each person ordered, but in reality, they're simply making sure they never have to pay extra or share the cost of things.
Even if they've actually invited other people out or even offered to buy something, the split at the end of the night when the bill comes just feels extremely calculated rather than a casual thing. They refuse to have to spend their money on the tiniest of costs, even though other people at the table may be willing to just split evenly down the middle instead of sitting there and delegating out each person's individual totals.
2. Offering to help move but only with small items
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An underrated aspect of friendship that means a lot is offering to help someone move. Moving is such a stressful experience, so being able to get assistance from friends can feel like such a relief. But only carrying the lightest boxes and not having to break a sweat is one of the behaviors that seem generous but are actually signs of a really cheap person.
In fact, they'll avoid having to do any real work or anything that requires them to exert any kind of real effort. And according to a survey of 2,000 U.S. adults, an estimated 22% have actively found ways to wriggle out of helping others move, and 35% have been on the receiving end of similar avoidance when asking for help themselves.
At that point, their offer to help feels unnecessary if they aren't actually willing to roll their sleeves up and actually step up. Their selective help can feel quite frustrating. Eventually, you'll end up feeling guilty or just unwilling to ask them to move anything that might be heavy because you can see how much they're actively avoiding having to do it. Their lack of contribution just means that you'd rather them not have shown up in the first place if they were just going to be cheap with their labor.
3. Sharing their time for things they enjoy
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Someone offering to spend time with you may seem generous and kind of them, but when someone only offers their time to situations that they personally enjoy and refuse to show up for the hard times, it's less about being kind and more about doing things that serve them. It's the behavior of an extremely cheap person because of how little they actually want to inconvenience themselves just to support and help someone in their life.
They'll gladly join for something fun, like going to a concert of an artist they enjoy listening to or coming along to a movie they've been dying to see. But outside of their own interests, they refuse to volunteer their time.
The problem with this is the illusion that they're trying to give off of someone who genuinely cares. It might feel like they're actually making time for you, but the truth is, they're only prioritizing their own enjoyment over actually wanting to be generous and show up for people.
4. Hosting parties where everyone brings everything
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There's absolutely nothing wrong with throwing a party and making it a sort of potluck event where people bring one or two things. But when you're inviting people to your home and promising them an actual event, only to turn around and ask everyone to bring pretty much everything needed for the party, it becomes one of the behaviors that seem generous but are actually signs of a really cheap person.
It puts all of the effort onto the guests when it should just be a fun experience for them. If you're choosing to host something, it means having to contribute a bit more than your guests, not the other way around.
If they're just expecting others to provide the food, drinks, and all of the miscellaneous supplies, it really just defeats the purpose of having a get-together of any kind. What should just be a warm and welcoming gesture ends up turning more into a way to get some free meals and entertainment.
In the midst of America experiencing a "party deficit," with only 4.1% of Americans attending or hosting a social event, there should be more emphasis on actually building and nurturing connection and community rather than trying to exploit them because of how cheap you really are.
5. Only offering to help for trivial things
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When someone offers to help, it can really feel like such a genuine and kind gesture. They may offer to help you bring in the groceries from your car that are way too heavy, or go with you to run an errand just to keep you company. But when people start to limit their helpfulness to tasks that really don't cost them anything, that assistance can end up feeling more calculated than genuine.
"Our efforts to be helpful might be based on good intentions, but those good intentions don't always provide good results," pointed out psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen.
These individuals will only offer to help you with things that are easy and convenient for them, and require almost no effort on their part. The problem with this kind of behavior is the fact that it just gives the illusion of generosity.
Real generosity means doing something without thinking about yourself in the process. People who only want to help on a surface-level would rather appear helpful than actually show up for the people in their lives. Yet, they may expect the same kind of selfless behavior in return.
6. Lending things with strings attached
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Some people will offer to lend you something, whether it's a book or even something as simple as a phone charger because yours may have broken. Yet, there's a laundry list of conditions attached to the thing they're giving you.
They'll only give it to you if you follow some strict rules and guidelines, like returning it at a specific time or only being able to use it if you do something for them in return. They aren't being generous and lending you this item out of the kindness of their heart, but because they want to see something from you as well.
Even if you've lent them things in the past and didn't expect anything to come from it, it doesn't seem to matter to them. Instead of just freely offering something in their possession, they would rather choose to protect their property by any means necessary. This kind of behavior only ends up creating such awkward dynamics, as people may feel hesitant to even take them up on that kind of offer.
7. Sharing things they no longer want
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On the surface, it may seem generous for someone to give you something that they no longer need or get use out of. But for some people, they aren't actually being generous at all, but just offloading the unwanted pieces in their home and disguising it as some kind of "gift" when, in reality, they just didn't want to have to spend a single dime.
It's just their way of decluttering their belongings. They even feel satisfaction from doing it, giving away these things with a smile on their face and some half-hearted story about why this item might be of use to them. Research from the Journal of Consumer Research has shown that a well-intentioned gift can truly strengthen a relationship and affirm the positive qualities of an existing relationship.
People who give things to others based on what they themselves don't want expect the other person to feel lucky for receiving it, as if it's some kind of special gesture, when they really were just cleaning out their closet and found that sweater or pair of jeans on the bottom of the floor and wanted to get rid of it. Things like that aren't a real gift.
While there's nothing wrong with people sharing things they don't want anymore, there's a thin line between it being a thoughtful gesture and someone just trying to get their unwanted things out of their home without actually thinking if the person they're giving it to really wants it in the first place.
8. Bringing free samples as gifts
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There's nothing generous about offering somebody something that you received for free. At first, it may look as if you're thinking of someone and giving them that sample bottle of lotion you got for free at the mall or some snacks that were at a restaurant for free tasting, but there's nothing considerate about gifting someone something that didn't really cost anything.
That's not to say gifts that aren't worth a lot of money aren't valuable, but there's a difference between an actual thoughtful "cheap" gift and giving something that costs you nothing purely to appear generous in the process. Actually gifting someone something means considering what that other person would actually enjoy or benefit from.
It's not about just passing off a free sample and expecting that person to be grateful just because they received something. It's simply performative and shows that you're someone who's a lot cheaper than you may be trying to come across as.
9. Sharing the smallest portion of their snacks
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For some people, this type of "generosity" is more about the illusion of giving than actually giving. They may offer you a bite of their cupcake or some chips from their bag, but they seem to hint at the fact that you're not really allowed to take more than a small bite or portion from their snacks. They do just enough to appear considerate while keeping the majority of things for themselves.
The kicker is, when the shoe is on the other foot, they expect people to share all of their snacks with them. Yet, they can't seem to offer that same thing when it's their snacks.
You become uncomfortable when you see them carefully rationing off the snack in their hand, even when they definitely have enough to share. So now you feel awkward about taking or even asking for more because of how protective they're being of their portion. What should be a fun, communal experience ends up becoming the exact opposite.
10. Offering a ride but demanding gas money
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There's something extremely stingy about someone that is offering to give you a ride somewhere, but then demanding that you compensate them for the gas that they used to transport you. It's another of the unfortunate behaviors that seem generous but are actually signs of a really cheap person.
While 58% of people have admitted to struggling to afford gas, it definitely shouldn't be used as an excuse to get others to pay, especially in a way disguised as being a favor. Suddenly, what was meant to be a helpful favor now feels more like some kind of transaction that you didn't really sign up for. The goodwill behind their action suddenly disappears because it feels like they were just trying to get someone to pay their gas for them.
Even if the amount seems small, their willingness to help you has no meaning behind it anymore. They only want to help when there's something in it for them, and that kind of gesture ends up feeling quite hollow.
It can make people feel awkward when they think they're just getting a simple favor from someone, especially if they've offered them a ride in the past and didn't even think about asking them for gas money in the process. True generosity doesn't ever come with strings attached or making the recipient feel as if they need to give you something in return.
11. Suggesting activities that cost nothing for them
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These individuals may extend an invitation to hang out by walking in the park or only picking to go to a museum that has a free day. While it may seem like a thoughtful gesture that shows they want to spend time with you, they're simply only including you to do something fun that doesn't require them to actually open their wallets.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to save money on activities that you're doing with friends, but it can create an imbalance, especially if the other person has no problem spending money on fun things while the other person would rather hang out when it's convenient for them.
People who are only suggesting free activities are showing that their generosity comes with limitations. They would rather choose not to invest anything in maintaining the connections and bonds they have in their lives, even if that activity has zero meaning to the person they're inviting. They're only extending an invitation purely because it's free.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
