11 Things Only Selfish People Think Are Totally Reasonable Requests
Even the most loyal people will grow tired of these rude behaviors.
Look Studio / Shutterstock Most selfish people don't know how exhausting they truly are when they make requests that only they can possibly think are reasonable. From asking for money to demanding time, many selfish people don't view their actions as harmful.
Unfortunately, those close to them often feel harmed, and it causes distance to grow. As selfish people continue to exploit their loved ones, even the most loyal will grow tired of the rude behavior. If you want to avoid accidentally being disrespectful or inconsiderate, consider the following.
Here are 11 things only selfish people think are totally reasonable requests
1. Asking for money or favors with nothing in return
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Asking for money or favors without giving anything in return is the first thing selfish people think is a totally reasonable request when it isn't. Asking for one-way favors is never reasonable. If someone is in a serious jam and asks for help, there’s no expectation to return the favor, and most people do their best to help others out of the kindness and return favors received. But selfish people mistake kindness for weakness. They get what they want and don’t think to return the favor or show appreciation.
According to psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., "When one partner feels unappreciated or unnoticed, it creates a sense of being undervalued, which can be detrimental to their emotional well-being and the relationship."
Even so, most selfish people don’t think about how this makes other people feel, causing them to continue asking for favors.
2. Expecting someone to be available with no notice
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Just because someone is close to a loved one, that doesn’t give them the right to unfairly take their time. It’s important to remember that time is given, not taken. Most people will respect someone's inability to hang out at the last second, but selfish people don’t understand that others don't owe them their time.
Taking someone’s time by expecting them to always be ready to hang out at a moment's notice is not a reasonable request. Sorry to say, but selfish people aren’t the ones who call the shots.
As former physician and author Jordan Grumet, M.D., explained, "Time is precious, choose to spend it on what brings you joy and purpose, not on distractions."
Despite the importance of people's time, selfish people will continue to expect and demand other people’s time, causing tension in their relationships.
3. Asking others to keep your secrets
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Everyone's had a close loved one who did something messed up and ended up in a tough predicament. It's only normal for them to come to you seeking advice or comfort. However, only selfish people think asking people to keep secrets is a totally reasonable request.
While there's nothing wrong with needing comfort, there is something problematic in asking someone to keep a secret. Small secrets related to personal information aren't much concern, but bigger secrets involving potential danger or harmful actions, such as cheating, put people in a tough predicament.
Do they betray their loved ones and do what is right? Do they keep the secret, even if there's active harm happening? This stress and confusion are bound to have devastating consequences. According to a study in 2020, stressful events lead to a higher chance of depressive episodes.
So, be careful with secrets. While some secrets are perfectly fine to utter, other secrets belong in a therapy room with a professional.
4. Asking someone to bend the rules because you're close
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The whole, my dad works there, so I got a job, is a tale as old as time. It's unfortunate, but getting a job isn't always based on merit, but more often based on who you know. Despite someone earning better grades or having more experience, a person less qualified can get the job based purely on social connections, even if they don't deserve it.
This mentality is a thing only selfish people think is reasonable. Yet, simply knowing someone doesn't mean they should be granted the privilege of getting whatever they want. Life doesn't work this way, and at some point, simply knowing someone won't be enough to keep up with their job demands.
Almost anyone will lose a job if it means their work is holding the company back. Plus, depending on connections rather than their actions is bound to make even the most confident person unsure. According to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, people who believe they have control and autonomy tend to fare better than everyone else.
So, as tempting as it may be to ask people to bend the rules, don't be that selfish person. You'd be taking away opportunities from those most deserving, and in the end, you'd be harming your ability to be competent yourself.
5. Asking someone to let something go in order to keep the peace
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Arguments are uncomfortable. Whether it's family members or friends fighting, nobody wants to disturb the peace or risk upsetting someone. Even so, sometimes disturbing the peace is necessary to make a point. But only selfish people think is totally reasonable to keep requesting someone else to 'let it go' to keep their peace.
If two friends are arguing, allowing them to solve things in their own time is the best thing to do. Trying to get them to make peace despite the pain they're feeling will lead to disaster.
According to Fredric Neuman, M.D., "Forcing the person to pretend to be sorry does no good. It makes that person less likely to feel sorry."
So, while they might have the best intentions, sometimes it's best to leave things alone, otherwise, they might risk making an already difficult situation worse.
6. Expecting others to understand they're too busy to check in
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Selfish people think it is totally reasonable to expect others to understand they're 'too busy' to check in. Sure, people might not owe anyone their time. However, if someone truly loves a person, then sending a quick text message is a given. From partners to family to friends, keeping people updated on what's happening is an important way to keep relationships alive and thriving. As most people know, communication is the foundation of any relationship. Yet, when a person feels neglected, ignored, or disrespected, relationships start to crumble.
According to the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, disrespect leads to an increase in aggression. Even so, most selfish people don't care how their actions make others feel. So consumed in their own needs and desires, they won't realize the impact of their neglect until it's far too late.
7. Expecting others to always listen to them trauma dump
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There's arguably no more uncomfortable feeling than sitting down and listening to someone replay their trauma over and over again. With a casual voice and in graphic detail, a selfish person will discuss the horrific things they've gone through without realizing how triggering it can be for others.
This is why only selfish people think it is totally reasonable to expect people to always listen to them replay trauma. It might sound rude, but their friends, family, and partner aren't their therapist. They don't need to keep everything hidden, however, trauma dumping can be heavy for both parties, which is why it shouldn't be done lightly. With the help of a therapist, people can slowly open up about their experiences while simultaneously keeping the other person's mental health in check.
Psychotherapist Duygu Balan, LPCC, said, "Trauma dumping can lead to your friends withdrawing from you, which can leave you feeling abandoned and lower your self-esteem and sense of self-worth."
Now, does this mean never opening up to anyone? No. However, a little warning and asking permission make all the difference.
8. Expecting someone to stay on the phone with them for hours
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You get home after an exhausting day of work and can't wait to go home and unwind. You've had a terrible week, and all you want to do is rewatch your favorite show with a mocktail in hand. Yet, just as you're about to unwind, your selfish friend or family member calls. Don't get it twisted: you love them, however, everyone needs time to unwind. Still, it'll only be an hour phone call, so most people will suck it up and not say anything for the sake of keeping the peace. As hours pass with no signs of stopping, even the most patient person will grow weary.
However, selfish people can't help themselves. Sure, it might be an inconvenience to others, but how else will they rant, right? The issue with this line of thinking is that it will cause someone to lose patience and grow frustrated. A selfish person disregards a person's needs and feelings for their selfish desires.
According to psychotherapist Amy Lewis Bear, MS, LPC, dismissing other people's feelings can lead to them feeling unimportant. So, when the other person isn't being treated fairly, it can cause a rift in a friendship or relationship.
9. Asking a friend not to invite certain people
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People might be close, but being close doesn't justify making outrageous demands. Like it or not, a friend isn't required to disinvite someone else simply because a selfish person got into a disagreement with them. Yet, this is exactly what happens when asking a friend not to invite certain people.
Controlling who someone invites is a bit of a stretch. There will always be a point at which people are forced to hang out with someone they don't like. From annoying family members to passive aggressive people, learning how to suck it up is simply part of life.
Unfortunately, selfish people want it their way and their way only. Even if it causes pain or discomfort for their loved ones. As long as they're happy, it doesn't matter how other people feel.
10. Expecting to cut others out
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Another thing only selfish people think is totally reasonable is expecting someone to cut off contact because they don't like a person. Friends and family don't owe selfish people the right to control who they choose to hang out with. Just because a selfish person has an issue with someone, it doesn't mean everyone close to them suddenly needs to cut that person out.
However, selfish people don't see it that way. They truly believe simply having a problem with someone constitutes everyone in their circle to cut out that person, even if they're the ones who are the problem.
11. Asking to 'just be patient'
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Finally, only selfish people think that asking people to keep being patient with them is a totally reasonable request. Sure, they can wait ten minutes to take a shower. But asking someone who's emotionally stunted to be patient and deal with their temper tantrum? Now, that's asking for a lot.
Before people ask others to be patient, they must first ask themselves if being patient is even fair in the first place. If they aren't doing the work to be better or actively improve, don't expect people to be patient. However, if a person is actively working towards something and putting all their effort into it, asking for patience isn't a bad thing.
Most selfish people ask for patience to excuse their behavior. This causes frustration for the other person and wastes time. If a selfish person doesn't plan on changing, then asking for patience is another way of lying.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
