24 Personality Traits That Mean A Man Is A Once In A Lifetime Soul
Oguz Yagiz Kara | Unsplash If you're looking for a life partner, you want someone honest, loyal, thoughtful, and caring. But what about the subtler details? What small things separate an average married man from a man who is a once-in-a-lifetime soul?
The dating world is already bewildering, let alone the realm of trying to choose 'The One.' Compassion, compatibility, and communication are the best indicators of a prosperous marriage. But it doesn't stop there. We asked YourTango's team of experts to share some of the less apparent traits marriage-minded women should look for when looking for a husband.
Here are 24 personality traits that mean a man is a once-in-a-lifetime soul:
1. He's not intimidated by your success
A man worth keeping is secure in himself and will support your success. He will praise your efforts and be there to lend an ear when you fall. He will share in your joys and help pick you up when you fall. Your success will be about you, not about him.
— Amy James, Psychologist
When your partner actively supports your career and personal success instead of feeling threatened by it, both of you end up way more satisfied with the relationship. Studies show that receiving enthusiastic support for your achievements from your partner predicts higher relationship satisfaction and mood because they're celebrating your wins with you instead of competing or feeling insecure about them.
2. He's playful
Couples who report being in happy relationships often cite time to play as an important factor in keeping their relationship alive. Occasional playfulness in a man is a very attractive quality to many. He can joke (but not at your expense) and laugh at himself. He can take time away from his work and projects to go bowling, play frisbee, or engage in an impromptu game of Scrabble.
— Amy James
3. He values gender equality
Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
He is comfortable in the kitchen and doesn't feel emasculated by running the vacuum. He can handle you mowing the yard, changing the oil, or washing the vehicles. He can be a breadwinner or a stay-at-home father. Research conducted in 2021 shows that a man's true views on gender roles often tell a lot about his personality and relationship style. Will you be his equal?
— Amy James
4. He's observant
Would you like your partner to help with household chores? If so, look for an observant man. Some men could be better about doing their fair share around the house and often claim that they don't see dishes in the sink, scattered toys, or clothes on the floor. Men who notice details in their environment have that extra bit of awareness needed to be full contributors in a household.
— Lisa Kaplin, psychologist
5. He's a dreamer
An often-overlooked quality for a future mate? The ability to dream. Does your guy dream about the perfect vacation, the second house on the beach, a house full of kids, or any other fabulous plans?
Thinking and dreaming big suggests that he has goals, ambitions, and fun in his future. If he's all about practicality and simple stability, he might not be the guy to help you fulfill your wildest dreams and fantasies. Life's too short for that.
— Lisa Kaplin
6. He's an optimist
Is your man's glass half full? If not, think twice before heading down the aisle with him. Sick kids, sleepless nights, financial stress, aging parents, and your mortality can chip away at anyone's optimism. A partner who is a natural optimist can help you through those tough times with hefty doses of hope, laughter, and a big-picture outlook on life.
— Lisa Kaplin
7. He uses the word 'we'
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When speaking about plans, he includes you in them. You know that he is serious about you and not just having fun for the moment.
— Marla Martenson, matchmaker
Couples who use "we" language instead of "I" and "you" when talking about their relationship show way higher commitment levels and relationship satisfaction. Studies show that using words like "we" and "us" reflects how much you see yourself as part of a team with your partner, which predicts better conflict resolution and stronger long-term relationship quality because you approach problems together instead of as opponents.
8. He lives like an adult
He has his own apartment or house, no roommate situations, is settled in his career, and is done with his party days.
— Marla Martenson
Research found that emotional maturity and stability in relationships come from being settled in your career and having your life together, including independent living arrangements. Emotional maturity, where someone can handle their own responsibilities, is directly linked to way better relationship outcomes because mature partners bring stability, emotional regulation, and the ability to be a true equal partner instead of needing constant support or caretaking.
9. He treats you with respect
How he treats people, including his friends and family, especially his mother, is a good indicator of what kind of husband he will be.
— Marla Martenson
Mutual respect and conscious attention to your partner is directly linked to wisdom and relationship quality, which means how someone treats people around them reveals their character. Studies show that emphasizing respect in relationships is associated with higher wisdom and better relationship functioning because respect creates the foundation for everything else.
10. He remembers the little things
Any guy will remember your birthday. The guy who remembers the little things, too, is the keeper. If he's paying attention to the little things you say and do, you can be sure he won't ignore things that are important to you.
— Rebecca Marquis, dating and relationship coach
When someone pays attention to and remembers details about their partner, it shows enhanced memory for relationship-relevant information, which strengthens the bond between you. Researchers have found that people in love literally have better memory for details about their partner compared to details about friends because remembering the little things demonstrates that your partner is emotionally important to you.
11. He offers to help without you asking
If he is willing to go out of his way to help you without you having to ask, you'll know he truly cares about you. You can count on him as a true partner and establish trust.
— Rebecca Marquis
12. He's attracted to you
Our bodies change over time, especially post-pregnancy. If you've found a guy who loves your body in any form, you'll feel much more secure in the relationship over the long term.
— Rebecca Marquis
13. He shares your values
It's easy to miss the subtle signs that your guy might be a keeper, so start with your values and think about how someone's actions might reflect those values. For example, family may be one of your top values if you're a divorced mother with kids. If your guy is willing to rearrange his work schedule to attend his kid's school band concert or sports meet, that speaks to his commitment to family.
— Mandy Walker, divorce coach
14. He supports your career
Married life isn't just about the fun and social parts of life, so opening up to your partner about your work is crucial. As you share a problem you're facing, watch how he reacts. If he asks more questions, remembers other conversations, suggests possible solutions, and helps you brainstorm, that's a good sign that he supports your career and isn’t threatened by your success.
— Mandy Walker
15. He encourages your friendships and interests
Edward Eyer / Pexels
It's unrealistic to think your partner can satisfy all your emotional needs. So, if your guy encourages you to maintain your friendships and interests, don't start thinking it's because he isn't that into you. On the contrary, he's giving you the space you need to be a whole person. Follow his lead, and your relationship will be off to a healthy start.
— Mandy Walker
16. He shows he cares
He pulls the blankets snugly around your shoulders when he wakes up on a cold night. He offers you a taste of the best part of his meal. He saves you the last bite of dessert. He puts down his electronics and listens without over-reacting, even when you are crabby, hormonal, or flipping out ... and then he hugs you.
— Dr. Dan Neuharth, psychotherapist and couples counselor
17. He has your back
He'll offer to forego the big game on TV — and mean it — to come to change your flat tire or get you chicken soup if you're sick. He'll publicly take your side if you conflict with others and gently and privately tell you if he thinks you're not acting in your best interests. If you say you want couples counseling, he'll go willingly ... and he likes your friends.
— Dr. Dan Neuharth
18. He is sensitive and communicative
He never says you got a bad haircut. He knows how to say "I was wrong" and "I am sorry." He says you're beautiful even without makeup or first thing in the morning. He will talk until 2 a.m. if needed, so you don't go to bed upset or feeling alone.
— Dr. Dan Neuharth
19. He doesn't pretend to be perfect
A guy who can show you his flaws means he can accept yours. If he is still trying to be perfect after date two or three, he either doesn't recognize his flaws or is practiced at hiding things.
— Melissa Fritchle, licensed marriage and family therapist
Vulnerability in relationships where you can show your real self, including your flaws, leads to way deeper emotional intimacy and connection with your partner. Studies show that being open about struggles and imperfections instead of trying to appear perfect builds trust and closeness because it invites your partner to support and understand you.
20. He takes an interest in what happens during your day
He genuinely wants to be caught up on your life since you last spoke, not because he's jealous, but because he wants to know about the things that are important to you.
— Kim Olver, licensed clinical professional counselor
Partners who are attentive to each other's daily experiences and genuinely interested in what's happening in their lives report way higher relationship satisfaction and closeness. A 2020 study showed that when your partner pays conscious attention to your day-to-day life and asks about things that matter to you, it demonstrates care and creates intimacy because you feel seen and valued.
21. He asks your opinion about important decisions
He may not always follow your suggestions, but sincerely considers them and wants your input.
— Kim Olver,
Research found that when partners seek each other's input on decisions and value each other's perspectives, it creates mutual respect and higher relationship satisfaction. Couples who engage in shared decision-making where both people's opinions matter report feeling more satisfied because it demonstrates that you're equals in the relationship.
22. He roots for your success
Emma Bauso / Pexels
More than anything, we all want a partner with whom we feel safe. You want to do your best and be successful, and your boyfriend should also be rooting for your success.
— Abiola Abrams, personal development coach
When partners enthusiastically support each other's goals and celebrate successes together, both people feel happier and more satisfied with their relationships. Studies have suggested that receiving an enthusiastic response when you share good news with your partner increases trust and relationship satisfaction because it demonstrates that your partner genuinely wants you to thrive instead of feeling threatened by your achievements.
23. He sings your praises to others
He's telling the people in his life what he enjoys and appreciates about you. He's bragging about how smart and caring you are. If the people in his life have never heard of you, Houston, you may have a problem.
— Abiola Abrams
How partners talk about each other to friends and family reflects and predicts relationship satisfaction because publicly acknowledging your partner's positive qualities strengthens your bond. Researchers have found that when someone speaks positively about their partner to others, it reinforces their own positive view of the relationship and demonstrates pride and appreciation.
24. He makes you laugh and vice versa
There's a reason married people live longer. Our health and well-being are intricately tied to our emotional state. Your ideal guy can see you at your best and worst and not belittle you. If you aren't able to laugh about the dramas that arise with your life partner, things are going to be extremely difficult.
— Abiola Abrams
The YourTango Experts team includes licensed therapists, dating and life coaches, matchmakers, and more professionals committed to offering you the tools and guidance for a happier and more rewarding life.
