Couples Who Genuinely Enjoy Each Other Into Their 70s Usually Adopt These Habits, Says Psychology
Long-lasting love into the golden years isn't built on luck.
Baliente Agency | Unsplash Relationships can be tricky to navigate. Most people aren't that great at guessing what their partners think or want, and that ignorance often leads to otherwise easily avoidable arguments. But some couples have it figured out and don't just stay together — they stay happy together.
A relationship that stands the test of time into old age involves a couple that prioritizes a few aspects of the relationship. Setting ground rules (and constantly revisiting them) for the relationship may help you get past the small stuff and continue to enjoy your lives together at any age.
Couples who genuinely enjoy each other into their 70s usually adopt these habits, says psychology:
1. Agree on the time you'll spend together
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Decide on one day every week that you can spend together, and no one else is invited. Everyone's busy; designating together time is healthy for any relationship.
Research has shown that healthy relationships require a balance between shared time and individual space. While the amount of time spent together matters, the quality of that time is more important.
2. Don't suffocate each other
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Being together is great; acting like conjoined twins is not. Respect each other's space and don't take it so seriously if they ask for some time to themselves.
A healthy and thriving relationship is not about sacrificing one partner's individuality for the sake of the partnership. Research stresses that open communication is crucial for expressing needs, desires, and boundaries without a fear of judgment.
3. Forge friendships with your partner's pals
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Not that you have to be one of the bros, or do your research on each of her girl friends so you feel prepared for their weekly wine night she gave you an invite to, but it's nice for you — and them — if you feel comfortable around their crew.
Studies suggest that couples who share social circles, especially mutual friends, tend to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and longevity. Friends, both individual and couple friends, offer a crucial support system that understands the unique challenges and joys of a committed relationship.
4. Stay in touch with your friends
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Don't drop the friends who were with you before they showed up. Ditching the gals — or guys — will lead to feelings of resentment and neglect on their end, and if your relationship comes to an end, you'll want that circle of support.
After all, they're the ones who've been there for you through everything else. These friendships provide a broad support system and foster a sense of belong outside of the relationship.
5. Don't hide things
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You don't need to tell them about the time you hooked up with your father's golf buddy, but it's probably a good idea to tell him you're still friends with your ex before they run into the two of you on the street. Honesty is fundamental to any healthy relationship.
Transparency helps cultivate trust and deepens the emotional connection between partners. Research argues that while a degree of privacy is healthy in any relationship, intentional and significant secrecy can have negative outcomes for couples.
6. Loosen up
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Don't start a fight because he glanced at the attractive woman who just walked by, or you heard her laughing on the phone. Likewise, they shouldn't get worked up just because you said a certain celebrity is hot.
Laughter releases endorphins and reduces stress hormones like cortisol, helping couples navigate challenges with a calmer mindset. According to one study, laughter also boosts the immune system, reduces blood pressure, and lifts spirits.
7. No assumptions or guessing games
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Don't force them to guess what you mean by, "It's okay if we don't go out on my birthday." Being upfront with your feelings will prevent many conflicts.
While playful interactions and learning about each other can be beneficial for couples, excessively relying on assumptions can be detrimental to the overall health of the relationship. Some dynamics are designed to encourage open dialogue and understanding between the couple.
8. Avoid 'you always ... ' and 'you never ... ' statements
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When you're in a heated argument, it's easy to start using hyperbolic language. However, when it goes too far and you accuse your partner of "always" or "never" doing something, you're only damaging the relationship by erasing any appreciation and acknowledgment of all the effort and kindness your partner has worked to put into the relationship.
You're only discouraging them, too, so it's a lose-lose situation.
9. Don't say crushing words you can't take back
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As you get to know your partner, you let down your guard around each other and learn one another's secrets, pasts, and weaknesses.
One of the worst things you can do is take that knowledge and use it against them in a fight because you know exactly where to hit them, where it'll hurt the most. And that's exactly what will happen, and they'll never forget it, no matter how many times you try to apologize.
Research supports that constant criticism and insults can erode a partner's self-worth and confidence. By understanding the power of words and prioritizing respectful and empathetic communication, couples can protect their emotional connection, build a foundation of trust, and navigate disagreements constructively to foster a more loving and fulfilling relationship.
10. Know when to say you're sorry
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The thing is, you will get in fights. You will make mistakes. You will, inevitably, be wrong about some things.
This is normal, and you need to learn how to accept it so that you can apologize when it happens. Your pride should never mean more to you than your relationship does.
11. Communicate your boundaries
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Just like discussing and agreeing on how much time you want to spend with each other and when, you'll want to be clear about expectations surrounding your work life, how involved you want to be involved in each other's friend groups and get-togethers, how you'll spend holidays and if certain ones need to be with one or the other's family, and your intimate needs.
12. Take time to be appreciative of each other
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As a relationship develops, sometimes we start to lose sight of the kind acts we do for each other. Relationships are about compromise, compassion, and consideration for one another.
Whenever your partner goes out of their way for you, helps you with something, or gives you a gift (however small), remember to acknowledge it and say thank you.
A 2018 study found that taking the time to express genuine appreciation and gratitude is a cornerstone of healthy and flourishing romantic relationships. Experiencing and expressing gratitude can initiate an upward spiral where one partner's gratitude leads to the other feeling appreciated, which in turn motivates them to reciprocate and invest further in the relationship.
13. Listen to one another
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When building a relationship, remember you're also constructing a "safe space" where each of you can turn to talk about whatever is bothering them and seek comfort. You may not always feel like listening, but it's important to do it anyway.
You're learning about each other, developing a bond with trust, and creating the potential for intimacy and love down the road.
14. Keep a cool head when things start to get heated
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Maybe you're in the middle of an argument with each other. Maybe you had a really terrible day. Perhaps you even got fired. Don't take it out on your partner by unleashing your fury on them.
Give yourself time to cool down — whether you need to go on a walk, meditate, or do some breathing exercises. If you pick a fight while blind with rage, you're literally unable to think clearly. Remember: don't yell — discuss and resolve.
15. Keep a good sense of humor
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Life is already unpredictable. When you choose to combine yours with someone else's, you can expect that lack of ability to anticipate what life will throw at you next by more than double.
Roll with the punches, be forgiving of mistakes that were one-offs and not intended to harm you, and be able to laugh at the absurdity of life. Not only will this promote self-growth, but positive growth in your relationship and a deeper connection between you.
Sharing laughter acts as a social lubricant, breaking down barriers and creating a positive atmosphere for communication. Research has indicated that humor facilitates a deeper understanding and appreciation of your partner's perspectives and experiences.
16. Remember you're on the same team
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Keeping a good sense of humor is part and parcel with remembering you're on the same side, especially during the times you find yourselves in disagreement.
Don't lose sight of the fact that you're not fighting against each other, but for each other and the future you want together.
You should do your best to work as a team where you're both on the same side and always in each other's corners, encouraging one another to be your best selves.
Frank Hadley is a frequent contributor to YourTango who focuses on love and relationships.
