Why Giving In To Your Fear Of Rejection Might Make You Miss Out On "The One"

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fear of rejection
Love, Self

Without some risk, there's no reward!

Have you ever enjoyed a first date, but doubted it would lead to another?

Don’t let your fear of rejection and own insecurities get in your way of turning a positive first encounter into a second!

As matchmakers, it is not unusual after introducing a couple to receive feedback after their first meeting from one — or both! — that they would like to see the other again… but don’t think the feeling likely to be mutual.

Alas, all too often such self-doubts and insecurities have nothing to do with the perceptions of their date — who may be feeling uncertain themselves for similar reasons!

RELATED: The ONE Question You NEED To Ask Yourself If You Want To Find Your Soulmate

I recall "Sue," an attractive, delightful client who had been matched with "Ian," an interesting, intelligent man who had built a successful boutique business. Having read each other’s profiles, both were looking forward to their date the following Saturday afternoon. During their brief telephone call, they had arranged to share time and conversation to learn more about each other over drinks.

As they talked, Ian learned that Sue had come from a very well known family background in terms of wealth and business success. It was apparent that as CEO of a family company, she’d led a very busy life… especially because for the last ten years, she also had the sole responsibility of raising three children into young adults.

Ian’s success on the other hand, was self-made. He told Sue had that he had worked to support himself through his university studies, before building his successful, respected small business from scratch. He, too, had children now grown. Sue heard real sadness in his voice as he mentioned that his marriage of more than thirty years had unexpectedly ended in divorce two years prior.

Sue’s feedback to us after meeting Ian suggested that, while she had really enjoyed his company and would like to see him again, she did not think that she would be interesting enough to appeal to him, since he had made so much of his life. Some examples she gave were that he had traveled far more extensively than she did and knew much more about art and theater. And although she’d had access to wealth and privilege, she thought her life seemed dull by comparison.

Ian’s feedback, on the other hand, revealed his own vulnerabilities. Though he found Sue lovely and attractive and would be happy to see her again, he did not think that a woman like her would be interested in a partner of far less wealth — especially one whose assets had recently been halved by a divorce. More importantly, for a man who had striven so much for success, he perceived that his long-term marriage suddenly coming to an end meant he'd failure in what mattered most and made him a poor candidate for a partnership.

The good news is that, by hearing this feedback from both sides, we were in an unusual position to intervene — and let Sue and Ian know that they both wanted to see each other again. However, without doing so, it is likely neither would have initiated contact because of their own lack of confidence when it came to matters of the heart.

My team of consultants and I were delighted when we received feedback the following year that not only had a real friendship developed between Sue and Ian, but that over time it had grown into something more. In fact, they were planning to wed in the following spring!

Is there anyone you would like to contact but, think they’re not interested in getting to know you? 

Just remember: You have little to lose — and maybe friendship and more to gain — by taking the small risk of saying "hello!"

RELATED: Why Waiting For LOVE To Make You Happy Is A TERRIBLE Idea

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