Should You Facebook Friend An Ex?

man hiding behind computer
Love, Self

Hey Facebooking Couple! I just found an old boyfriend on Facebook. Should I send him a friend request? Should I tell my husband if my old beau accepts the request? -Trina 

Dear Trina - It’s natural to wonder what happened to people of the past. But when it comes to past dating interests, crushes, steady partners, and one-night stands, pause before you accept or initiate the Friend Request. The same curiosity that killed the cat can also kill (or threaten) your marriage. 

Think we’re being a little extreme? What feelings did you experience when you typed his name into the search box? Or saw his name and profile picture? Or saw the friend suggestion? Be honest. Those feelings are fueled by the past with no sense of the present and no concern for your future. This is where commitment to your marriage, respect for your husband, and consideration for healthy boundaries need to kick in. Saying "I do" to your spouse on the wedding day was saying "I don't" to anyone who poses a potential threat to your marriage covenant. Why You Should Remain Facebook Friends With An Ex

In our opinion, this means saying "I don't"to friending old boyfriends/girlfriends on Facebook. Having a good series of conversations with the love of your life (your hubby) about setting boundaries will help you both navigate through the graveyard of past love interests you will likely come across on Facebook. Our suggestion is to start with your husband rather than the old boyfriend. Let your husband decide if you should send the friend request instead of letting the ex-beau decide if he wants to accept your friend request. Give in to your husband’s feelings rather than your own feelings. 

The Facebooking Couple (K. Jason and Kelli Krafsky) * This is an excerpt from Facebook and Your Marriage by the Krafskys (2010) available at and on Amazon.