How To Know If Sex On The First Date Is Right For You (Because There's Not Just One Right Answer!)

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How To Know If Sex On The First Date Is The Right Thing For You?
Love, Sex

How to make a decision that is safe, empowering, and meaningful.

Is sex on the first date right for you? Of course, this is the question we should all be asking ourselves if we are in the dating world. Really, it is these exciting questions which get us to think outside the box.

The box of unexamined expectations, projections, what ifs, and unexplored limits. This is a question of curiosity, magic, and even possible devastation.

Most people never ask themselves this question, and just go and have sex, and regret it terribly later. Others are proud that they held their boundary, and that there was no sex. 

Some people, absolutely, unconditionally, totally say, "No way!" and regret this for the rest of their lives. A missed opportunity.

RELATED: What Guys Really Think Of Hooking Up On The First Date

How would you know if sex on the first date is the right thing for you? It's something you need to think about ahead of time so you know how you feel before you're on that first date. 

For instance, what would have to be in place for you to look back ten years from now and state, "Yes, having sex was exactly the right thing for me. I knew love for the first time or it helped me to get over my shame and my guilt that I was unlovable"?

This question begs another question: How do you know if sex on the first date, or the third date, or the fourth anniversary is the right thing for you? What is your relationship with your heart and your sexuality? 

These are the questions you need to ponder beforehand. 

Gertrude Stein, an American novelist and poet, was quoted as saying on her deathbed, "I hope I asked the right questions." The question is more important than the answer. A true question invites self-reflection, self-examination, exploration, and the opportunity for a grounded response.

What is the right question for you? Perhaps you need to ask yourself these questions: How do you wish to experience your first date? Is the first date the right time to be sexual for you?

Do you need to consider questions like: "How well do you know this person? Is your date an old acquaintance, a friend, a stranger, or a friend’s sibling?"

There is a difference between having sex with a stranger versus someone you know. The risk factor is different. Having sex with an unknown person can be like the dangerous game of Russian Roulette. Probably, not such a good idea.

Having sex on the first date for you might seem natural, weird, really promiscuous, or absolutely sinful. This is influenced by your values, your boundaries, your experiences, and your circumstances.

RELATED: 7 Things To Do Before Having Sex With Someone New (To Know If You Really Should)

What is important here is to listen to yourself, to your answers to these questions we are asking today.

Who are you? What most matters to you? Are you being true to yourself? What would happen to you, if the sex was disastrous for you, or for the connection with the other person? How able are you to handle a devastating situation? Because you will not know how this can end up. 

Having sex on the first date will hasten certain aspects of the relationship that the relationship cannot yet handle. It can also bring you something you have always wanted. It is like investing in the Penny Stocks. This is highly volatile. The likelihood to give you what you are looking for is statistically very low.

Sex when enjoyable is such a delicious and exciting experience. Who would not want to have sex on their first date, if that was the promise, the outcome, for now and for always.

As the poet John Dunn once wrote, "Come live with me, and be my love, and we will some new pleasures prove." And the answer? Yes, yes, yes, yes! 

So create a strategy on how to make an authentic and healthy connection with yourself and your date. And remember that for many people, having sex on your first date is not a relationship builder. It is a means of checking out and reducing or creating anxiety, rather than checking in with yourself and who you are with. 

Finally, ask yourself this: Why the emotional rush?

RELATED: 10 Women Reveal What They Really Think Of Sex On The First Date

Suzanne Kyra is a Registered Clinical Counsellor, life and leadership coach, personal development speaker, and award-winning author. Read more of her personal development blogs on her website.