8 MAJOR Reasons Women Shut It Down In Bed

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Wondering What Women Want In Bed? DEFINTELY Not This
Love, Sex

If you want to her surrender fully, you MUST watch out for these signs of danger ahead!

Men: Have you ever sensed that your lover is holding back during sex?

Women: Have you ever found yourself holding back instead of giving yourself over to the pure pleasure of making love?  

Then you are familiar with what researchers have identified as a woman’s sexual arousal “braking system.”

There are eight common reasons women hit the brakes when it comes to sex.

If you learn to read the signals, you’ll start to notice a yellow light before it turns red and she slams on the brakes. Do this and she will feel your masculine leadership, which puts you in a powerful position to help her work past whatever has been holding her back.  

Even if you’ve heard over and over, “Women don’t want you to fix things …” this is the exception to that rule. If she’s hitting the brakes, something needs fixing. When you identify the problem and help solve the issue, she’ll be able to get more turned on than ever.

In my recent article, “4 Signs Women Give Their Guy When They're Totally Turned On,” I shared with you four cues that activate a woman’s “accelerator system”:

  • Love and emotional bonding cues: Understanding how your lady feels most loved, secure and emotionally connected, and then creating those feelings for her consistently, will increase her desire for lovemaking.
  • Explicit and erotic cues: What turns your woman on? Does she like reading erotica? Having you tell her how sexy she is? Seeing your erect penis? Each woman has erotic cues that are unique to her, and to the situation.
  • Visual and proximity cues: What gets her turned on when she sees it? A warm fireplace? That pair of slutty high heels in her closet? You strutting around the room in tight briefs?
  • Romantic and implicit cues: What kind of romantic experiences get her you turned on? Does she love to be held? Does salsa dancing get her aroused?  Dinner at her favorite restaurant? Having her car door opened for her? Verbal expressions of undying love?

If you want to increase a woman’s sexual desire, play around with these various cues and watch how she responds.

Her responses are signs that let you know the “road conditions” ahead. The more you tune into her cues, the more sensitive your gauge becomes, and the more effectively you can accelerate her turn-on.

Now it's time to learn why she hits the brakes.


It’s equally important for you to learn how to be attentive to your partner's sexual arousal "braking system," the dynamic interplay that decelerates a woman's desire for sex before you can understand what a woman wants in bed.

In Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, Dr. Emily Nagoski identifies eight ways that a woman’s sexual braking system gets engaged. Once you know what to look for, you can identify potentially hazardous conditions and learn how to steer around them.

(NOTE: Men also have a dual-control system, so pay attention to your own arousal or lack thereof if you find yourself holding back.)

So how do you tell if your partner takes her foot off the accelerator or starts tapping the brake pedal? What do you do when you hear her engine decelerate or her brakes start to squeal? First, you need to learn about her braking system so you can diagnose the problem.

Here are the 8 aspects of her sexual braking system:


1. Negative body image.

2. Concerns about her reputation.

3. Founded or unfounded emotional concerns.

4. Fear of unwanted pregnancy and or faulty protection.

5. Inner conflict between wanting to feel desired versus feeling used by her partner.

6. Worries about feeling accepted by her partner.

7. Her partner’s style of sexual approach and the timing of his sexual initiation.

8. Negative mood states.

Once you diagnose the problem, whether through discussion or a process of elimination, you’ll want to explore how to help her work through whatever is causing her arousal to slow down or come to a halt. It is totally natural for a woman, or a man for that matter, to accelerate at times and put on the brakes at others.

Approach this as a shared adventure — an exciting road trip through many scenic routes. In other words: relax and enjoy the journey.

When you take the lead and assume responsibility for helping her work through these kinds of issues, not only will she begin to trust you more, the two of you will grow closer. Listen to her. Allow her to give her “braking system” a voice.

Make her feel safe and her foot may very well slide off the brake so she can move toward more pleasure.

Be advised: it can be difficult to communicate at first, especially if she isn’t aware she’s hitting the breaks or can’t figure out why. By simply considering the various concerns listed above, you will begin to grasp the complexity of sexual arousal — and that understanding alone makes you a better lover.  

I know, I know. It sounds like a lot of hassle. You might wonder if I’m steering you down a dead end. It might feel like I’m asking you to drive your Prius off-road as if it had 4-wheel drive.

But think back and remember how it felt when you started driver’s ed ...


The learning curve was pretty steep, right? Turning left at a busy intersection was rather daunting. It required keen attention to a ridiculous set of details.

Think ahead. Flip on the turn signal. Merge into the turn lane. Wait for the green light. Pull into the intersection (just far enough but not too far). Keep an eye on oncoming traffic. Notice the speed of cars coming toward you. Wait for an opening. Check for pedestrians. Turn your wheel. Stay in your lane. Accelerate slowly. Straighten the wheel. Complete the turn.

And most importantly, stay calm. (Yeah, right.)

But after awhile, you were making left turns without even thinking about it, yes? Turning left at an intersection became second nature; driving an activity you actually enjoy.

It’s the same with learning your way around her arousal system.

With a little effort and persistence, you will mount this learning curve, learn to read her sexual responses and become a natural.

Susan Bratton is a trusted hot sex advisor to millions of lovers who want more intense and heart-connected passion. Her groovy little pamphlet, “The Passion Patch: The One Place To Touch Her To Arouse Her In 30 Seconds Flat (Hint: It’s Not Her Breasts Or Between Her Thighs)” has helped countless men lovingly seduce their women.