8 Erotic Ways 50 Shades Of Grey Can TRANSFORM Your Sex Life

couple in love
Love, Sex

8 ways to an intimate relationship using the couples discussion guide.

Recently 50 Shades of Grey, the anticipated movie, was released in the theaters. There has been a lot of discussion on the book and movie about whether or not it was true to the book. As a counselor, what I try to do is to take as many opportunities as possible to help my readers in their relationships. Here are eight step to improving your sex life as a result of watching 50 Shades of Grey.

8 Steps To Improving The Eroticism In Your Relationship.

1. Communicate What Feels Good.

Talk about what kinds of sexual interaction you find exciting and thrilling, what type of sexual positions are a turn on for you. Do you like making love in the dark or is having the light on an erotic experience? The more you can discuss this openly and honestly the better.

More important, communicate about anything and everything. The more your partner is aware of your needs inside and outside the bedroom the closer your relationship will become.

2. Tease Each Other In Public Settings.

What is more exciting than your partner teasing you publicly? Tell your partner you are not wearing any underwear, keep them guessing whether or not this is true. You should surprise your partner as often as possible in this and other ways. They will love you for it.

3. Take Advantage Of Technology—Sexting.

This can be an exciting aspect of an intimate relationship. Keep nude photos out of it, don't get yourself in trouble. There was a study recently about the number of people who accidentally text the wrong person, be careful of this! You wouldn't want this to go to your colleagues or boss.

4. Make A Bucket List Of Sexual Things You Want To Try.

As I am turning 60 this year I think about this. What are some of the things you would love to experience with your partner: talk about this, you may be surprised the two of you want the same things! You want to be able to talk about anything with your partner, sexual or otherwise, think about what is getting in the way of that and make it a goal to increase your openness of all things sexual and not.

5. Write A Sexy Letter To One Another.

This does not need to be sexually graphic; in actuality being suggestive is usually more exciting.

6. Morning Sex.

Going to work after you just made love to your partner can be the start of a great day. What better way to start your day then by sharing all of you with someone you love and are connected to?

7. Extended foreplay- Sex is not just about intercourse.

Take a lot of time getting familiar with your partners body. Stimulate places you have not done before or in a different way. Don't forget foreplay should begin when you get up in the morning with hello. Don't forget to touch often and a lot even when making love is not something that you intend to do.

Many women complain to me about the men in their life that don't touch them unless it will end up with their making love. Guys, see the joy in being affectionate and just connecting physically without the need for it turning sexual. I guarantee the more this is part of your relationship the higher the probability that the two of you will make love and it be a passionate experience.

Don't forget giving each other pleasure is what is important not any preconceived notion of what's good enough. Having fun with the one you love in a sexual way is what it's really about. Whether sexual or otherwise let the goal should be making sure both of you are having a good time and you both are stimulating your minds, emotions and your bodies. Let's not forget the organ that will give you most intense sexual pleasure is your brain!

8. Appreciate Each Other Every Day.

Telling each other how turned on you are by your partner being in your life and in your bed is a wonderful experience. Let each other know you are so appreciative you have them to share your love emotionally as well as physically, is what you desire.

The more we hear these words the sooner we are to believe it.  Both of you need to feel loved and appreciated just for being in each other's life. When this security is there, anything is possible. Sharing your emotional vulnerabilities will keep your connection strong.

What Can Be Learned From The Movie?

Let's have a look at a 50 Shades of Grey and what could be learned from it. How could it bring the two of you closer together? I have put together a discussion guide to use after seeing the movie to open a dialogue on sexuality and how to improve the connection with one another by talking about topics that otherwise would not get discussed.

This for me is a positive outcome of having seen the movie. What I hope is the two of you have seen the movie together. The concern with how sexuality was portrayed in the movie was there was a clear separation between the sexuality and the personal relationship.

Sue Johnson, a researcher on couple's relationships, talked about this type of sexuality as solace sexuality. It is a one dimensional experience, with the only goal of having an orgasm. If this is the only goal, the relationship will be in trouble. It is impersonal and has the effect of making a partner feel used and emotionally alone. Clients say with this kind of lovemaking they sense it could be just anyone, and they feel just like an object for sexual release, it's not making love.

How Can BDSM Be Good For A Relationship?

The focus in the movie is on BDSM (BD- Bondage and Discipline), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM). But, what it's really about is the excitement of this relationship and sacrificing of emotions. That is really troubling to me as a marital counselor and relationship expert.

Relationships take courage and vulnerability which is what brings people close so I hope this discussion guide offers couples a feeling of closeness and learning more about what each of you desires with regards to your physical intimacy. Focusing on both the physical and emotional components in the relationship is what's important.

Enjoy the discussion guide, have fun with it, laugh about it and know sharing this with one another is special for both of you. As you read through the questions if you have any comments or questions please feel free contact me.  If you would like to receive the free discussion guide you may download it here.

Stuart is a Marriage and Family counselor with a private practice in Scottsdale Arizona. Stuart's practice is exclusive to individuals, couples and families who are having relationship difficulties. Stuart has advanced training in Emotionally Focused Therapy, helping families who are having difficulty feeling close and connected to one another.

He assists families in finding ways to deepen their relationships by understanding what each person needs in the relationship. He helps families develop a pathway to establishing a closeness where everyone feels important and special. For more information on his practice go to www.TheCouplesExpertScottsdale.com. Stuart also has a monthly podcast you can to listen to it on iTunes at the couples expert relationship podcast . Go to http://goo.gl/28n6h5.