Always Meeting The Wrong Man? Maybe It's Your Problem

Love, Self

Learn how women make bad choices in men and how they can correct the problem at all levels.

Sherry Gaba LCSW, Psychotherapist, Life & Recovery Coach is featured Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Sherry is the author of "The Law of Sobriety" which uses the law of attraction to recover from any addiction. Please download your free E books at www.sherrygaba.com. Contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements. Listen to Sherry on "A Moment of Change with Sherry Gaba" on CBS Radio.  Struggling with your own love junkie dramas? You're not alone. Join my free newsletter community to get the support you need to stop the madness before it affects your next relationship or the one you are in now.  - Get the Love You Truly Deserve!


There are some people that just seem to be chronically getting into toxic, harmful and self-destructive relationships. It is easy to assume it is always the guys’ fault, but at a much more fundamental level women that constantly choose the wrong partner may be actively seeking these types of relationships on a conscious or subconscious level.

Level 1: Genetics and Hardwiring

Research indicates that there are many different factors that come into choosing a mate. There are biological and genetic factors that are hardwired into our brains that help with selection of the mate that is the biggest, strongest and fastest. This is sort of like our instinctual choice in a mate based on physical as well as personality traits.


Most researchers believe that this instinctual drive for a mate is based on a combination of the entire human evolution combined with the next level of selection, which is at subconscious level. You cannot change what you find attractive physically, but you can choose to select a mate based on different attributes if you are aware of what you using as a criteria.

Level 2: Subconscious Factors

Combined with hardwired factors that we can’t change is the subconscious mind’s influence on what is attractive. The subconscious element is determined and molded by our experiences in the world, how we experienced men in our development and family, and what is comfortable on a relationship level.

In many cases a woman that has an abusive, alcoholic, addicted or emotionally absent father will be subconsciously looking for these types of familiar traits. The bad boy image is going to be attractive and one she may be drawn to again and again despite the emotional and even physical danger this relationship may pose.

Level 3: Conscious Choices

The last level of decision making about a mate is at the conscious level. This is the internal thought that goes along with choosing to date one man over another. Some women deny that they consciously choose a particular type of man but, if they were honest with themselves they realize that social status, popularity, money, possessions, looks, jobs, ability to provide and other factors do play some role in choosing a mate, however it is also something that can be glossed over or rationalized when the subconscious and the conscious are at odds.

This is why a woman will choose a down and out, abusive, emotionally unavailable man over a kind, caring and responsible man if she has the hardwiring and the subconscious input that overrides the reality that her family, friends and her own conscious is providing.

Getting to the bottom of why women choose bad partners takes work and effort. A relationship counselor, life coach or a therapist is essential in helping to uncover how women make bad choices in men and how they can correct the problem at all three levels.