Attention Ladies: Have You Ever Heard of Zestra?


This is a pretty Shameless post. But this is a story worth telling, again and again. So here I go!

This is a pretty Shameless post. But this is a story worth telling, again and again - even if it is kind of personal. I am telling it because I care about your sex life. And I am willing to blush just a little bit to get the word out about my big find!

Last year, I came home with the goody bag of my life from the NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar Party held at Fontana’s – an uber hip down bar. They carded me – I loved that. And there I was – in the midst of the cool and sexually free. It was beyond heady. I am not quite the same kind of sex blogger as many of these incredibly writers that share their deepest sexual exploits, inner workings and adventures. These days my sexuality blogs can be found right here on Your Tango,  Huffington Post, Psychology Today and Being Shameless.

But I was welcomed in – I qualified – and I loved it all from Carol Queen performing Peep Show to Porn Star Nina Hartley telling us like it really was back in the day. Oh – It was a hell of a night – that left me grinning from ear to ear.

The goody bag was heavy – and the next morning over bagels and coffee - I dropped the bag with a plop and a wink on my husband’s lap!

“Look what I brought you from the party last night!” I grinned.
After 29 years of marriage – it was fun to keep surprising him – his late blooming out of the box wife was bringing gifts!

There was so much in those bags – fun little vibrators – little toys and devices that we actually had to google to find out what they were for! And then there were the little sample package of Zestra!

What is Zestra you might ask? Well, according to the package insert:

“Zestra was developed by a pharmacologist who was focused on finding ways to enhance women’s sexual satisfaction”.

Okay sure. Another pink pill kind of thing? I have been quite skeptical about big pharma in my panties – I didn’t know if I wanted them there – or if they really could create feelings of sexual desire in women. I felt that us girls were way more complicated than a pill or a crème.

The insert went on to talk about how safe Zestra was - and that there had been two clinical trials. I looked at the two little one time use samples in my hot little goody bag and then looked over at my husband. The kid was stilling sleeping…

I went back to the insert - I was supposed to massage the crème with my fingers or my beloved’s fingers around my clitoris, inner and outer labia  then wait five minutes for the “Zestra Rush” to begin. Apparently it would peek over a period of around ten or fifteen minutes.

“Honey – want to do a little experiment with me?” I asked. I did my very best to be sexy and coy in my not so sexy sweat pants. Oh God – I was caricature of a long married woman. At least I didn’t have breast milk stains on my tee-shirt – those days were long gone!

I held up the Zestra and winked.

Okay so sometimes my seduction skills were a little lacking – but he didn’t seem to mind! After all – I was asking for sex. My husband is a smart man - he doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth!

I dropped my sweat pants, grabbed the package myself and ripped it open with a swagger using my teeth. I was a woman on a mission. I decided to apply the desire crème myself. After all – I was a sexologist! I wanted to know the full experience. I didn’t have to wait the prescribed five minutes.

“Where are you?” I yelled as I jumped into bed. He was busy reading the package insert himself.
“It says you are supposed to wait five minutes! I’m coming!” He laughed.
“Well – hurry up! Apparently I am an advanced student!” I shouted back.
Now how do I describe this? I feel a little bit like those food reviewers on those travel channels trying to describe to all the food voyeurs what that special little poached egg tastes like with truffles!

The Zestra was creating a little party “down there” - I felt all "hot and bothered".  I wanted touch!  And I was curious about how the brand new sensations that were perking below would feel  once we began to touch.  It was a  little bit like I had an itch that I couldn't wait to scratch. Only it was a good itch – and a burning “please touch me now” – kind of itch. And it made me giggle – I liked it – a lot. But I didn’t believe in crèmes and pills – I didn’t believe in the validity of sexual enhancements for women!

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