Having It All Together Or Pretending To?

Love, Self

The pressure to maintain a facade can lead to a mental breaking point.

A number of my clients tell me they feel overwhelmed by their lives, whether they're single and looking for the right relationship, in a committed relationship filled with dramatic highs and incredible lows, or in a marriage that pushes too many emotional buttons. Because there is still a sigma related to mental illness, many people try to place band-aids on the areas of life that make them feel out of control, not wanting to look at the underlying causes of the chaos.

Recently, Oprah Winfrey admitted to a nervous breakdown last year. This from a woman who has it all, according to what our society deems the good life.

As a Christian relationship coach, similar life experiences, like a nervous breakdown, are not new, and neither is the physical and mental toll on those who race through life. Like Oprah's breakdown, the stress of feeling like life is passing by too fast, or being overcome by people and experiences that do not contribute to the quality of one's emotional, spiritual, or physical health, will eventually come to a crucial breaking point.

Perhaps you're like some of the men and women I coach, who are in their mid 30s to mid 40s and haven't found the right person to marry and have children with. They tell me they're picky, and being selective is good, but being afraid of making a poor relationship choice can lead to a stage of permanent looking at the one who might have been, or for the one that may come. These are educated, successful, confident individuals, but they're emotionally stuck. Perhaps you can relate to the feeling of floating through your romantic life, being a little hazy about what should be the priorities of your life.  Many people believe the most important aspect of all is sharing life with a person with whom one can build a solid foundation of mutual love, respect, trust and faith - but end up taking the opposite actions, failing to make a plan for love. Without solid grounding, even the most materially successful person is at risk for a mental breakdown.

As a Christian relationship coach, I see how embracing faith and solidifying a personal relationship with God can give someone the strength to make wise decisions, live a self-controlled, disciplined life, and the courage to know that whatever happens, the ultimate result will be beneficial when the larger picture is seen. I have heard from countless people about how grateful they were that the relationship they cried over, longed for, and absolutely were convinced was the one did not work out. They placed their faith and hope in what wasn't apparent in the moment: an emotionally healthy relationship not filled with chaos or endless drama, and they trusted it would come at the right time.

You may be like many of my clients who are successful both materially and scholarly, with the ability to buy all the things that can give you momentary confidence. But without the love of the right person to share in the everyday events, you end up going through the motions, searching for and chasing after the next thrill or exciting event. Or you may be like some of my other clients who know they're married to the wrong person and feel trapped, overwhelmed by the thought of leaving, and afraid their problems are too numerous to solve.

The first step to achieving your relationship goals is to admit you need help prioritizing your life. And stop pretending Mr. or Ms. okay for now is a good option while you wait for the right one. That strategy only leads to wasted years, preventing you from seeing the right person. You can begin now by leaving the past where it needs to stay.

I have helped individuals all over the world achieve the goals and dreams they have in love. If you are fed up with the status quo of your love life, let’s talk about the proactive steps you can take towards those dreams.


Nancy Pina is a highly recognized author, relationship coach and speaker. She is dedicated to helping individuals attract emotionally healthy relationships through her practical Christian-based advice. Visit her website for coaching options and recent books. Subscribe to her free report, Is He The Right One and schedule a free coaching session with Nancy.

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