My Husband's Lack Of Emotions Is Helping Our Marriage

sad man.

Surprisingly, having an unemotional partner can be good for your relationship!

Recently I’ve been presented with an opportunity that has knocked me for a loop because it’s taking me completely out of my comfort zone and it’s requiring me to stretch myself like never before. I learned that my husband's lack of emotions is actually helping our marriage.

Feelings of doubt, low self-worth, images of failing horribly, wondering if the work I do really fits into the arena I’m being invited into. In spite of those feelings there was work to complete and deliver to those asking for it.

Fast forward to my husband entering my office seeing me hovered over my computer in tears – which in literal translation means, sobbing.

Needless to say he became very concerned and asked me what was wrong. I hesitated because I didn’t think he would understand and then I thought, “Oh what the hell, it’ll feel better to release all these emotions with words and bring in the empathy I desperately wanted.”

So through my tears I spoke and spoke and spoke as he listened – patiently. When I stopped talking, I looked him straight in the eyes, with tears still running down my cheeks, and waited, like a little puppy dog, ready to be cuddled and whispered to, the most empathetic words to ever come out of his mouth. 

No such luck. 

Instead he simply looked at me and said:

“Well, the way I see this, there’s only three things you need to realize."

1. “You’re going to step into this arena and find out you don’t belong there. But you’ll know you gave it you’re best effort. And because of that you’ll walk away with your head held high.”

2. “You’ll do fine, not great, but fine. Discover you’re actually pretty comfortable in this arena knowing there’s improvements to be made so next time is even better.”

3. “You’ll step into the arena, do your thing, it’ll be a huge hit and you’ll run toward the next opportunity in this very arena that you’re currently freaked out about.”

Then he finished with – “I’m not quite sure what all the emotion is about because it’s really not that big of a deal.

To which I said, “Well, it’s a big deal to me!” still desperate to hang on to my emotions and receive some form of empathy.

And then he said, “I get that. And how’s that working for you so you can finish what you need to get done to meet your deadline?”

Talk about being blindsided by logic!

The nerve!

Well, if the truth be told, he brilliantly appealed to the side of me that required my attention and not to the side that wanted attention. And because of that I came out of my emotional stupor enabling me to put on my big girl panties and get my work done.

So here’s the deal, the next time you find yourself frustrated by your husband’s lack of emotions over a problem in your life, consider the gift he can give you - his strength, his sensibility, his ability to see things from a black and white perspective.

The very things you need to drag you out of the ocean of emotions that are drowning you and keeping you from moving forward.

And remember, you have to be willing to hear his words with the love they carry even when there’s no empathy or cuddling involved.

Linda Salazar, founder of Your Heart Is In Your Hands, is a Relationship Coach, author, speaker and media personality working with smart, proactive, spiritually open women who are ready for remarkable relationships.

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