I Know I'm A Pain In The A**, But I Promise You I Won't Let You Down

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I Know I'm A Pain In The A**, But I Promise You I Won't Let You Down
Love, Self

To the one who stays, I promise I won't let you down.

I know I can make things seem impossible or difficult to handle. I am not going to pretend as if my life is full of cupcakes and rainbows with no rain or storms. My moods have been so up and down lately, you’re starting to question whether or not I am worth the trouble or the fight.

To be honest, you are completely right to be questioning everything with me. I have been acting in ways that I know will push you away. It’s not right for me to do but it is all I know how to do when I am fearful. It’s no excuse for my behavior and I am sorry to have ever put you through the stress.

It has taken a lot for me to open up after the hell I've been through previously.

I am hoping I haven’t caused too much damage and that you’ll give me the chance to show you that I am worth this fight.

Recently, I have allowed my past experiences to dictate which direction my life should go in. For some reason, I wasn't able to let go of my past, until yesterday.

My past would have held me hostage for as long as I continued to allow it in my present and future. In order for me to move forward with my life, I had to break free from the prison cell my past held me in for so long.

I can finally say that I broke free and I am no longer held captive by my past.

I know I can't hit the rewind button and pretend like nothing ever happened because that's just not the way life works. There have been times that I acted so irrationally and out of context. I only wish you didn't have to be a part of that or witness it because that was at my weakest moments.

And I am sorry you had to be a part of that either directly or indirectly.

But I want you to know that if you stick with me, I will be able to show you all of the things I am about to say because you deserve someone who is whole and able to be vulnerable just as you.

So, here is what I can promise you starting with today.

I promise to be there for you through the good and the bad. I promise to be by your side when or if you need me. It can be because you need someone to talk to or just a caring and a loving person next to you in silence. I promise that I will be there in times of need and hardship.

I promise to never push you away by acting out or by saying hurtful things.

I am sorry for the things I have said in the past and I want you to know that you are an amazing person and anyone would be lucky to have you by their side. I promise to show you how great you are instead of just saying it.

Actions speak louder than words and if I am given the opportunity, I will show you through my actions how amazing and wonderful you are.

You deserve nothing but the best. I apologize I couldn't show you that right away. I didn't know what was holding me back but when I figured it out, I addressed it.

I would hate to lose the chance to be with you and show you my true self. I don't want to hide anymore and I am ready to put 100 percent into everything and anything in life. 

Brittney Lindstrom is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Rehabilitation Counselor.

Watch this TED Talk by Licensed Professional Counselor Billy Ward about how to love and be loved.