5 Ways to Feed (And FIX) Your Sex-Starved Marriage

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5 Great Ways to Feed Your Sex-Starved Marriage
Love, Sex

It's not a lost cause.

Does it feel like forever since you’ve been intimate with your partner? Do you want to know how to fix a sexless marriage and bring the passion back?

Before deciding if your relationship is actually starved for sex, let’s look at how often is normal.

Do you remember that split-screen scene in the movie "Annie Hall"?

Watch this clip to see how your point of view influences the way you feel about it.


Are you thinking, "Hardly ever. Maybe three times per week" or "Constantly. Maybe three times per week"?

Recent research shows that happily married couples make love on the average of once per week. Researchers found that couples who have sex more often than that are not necessarily happier.

The new study, based on surveys of more than 30,000 Americans gathered over 40 years, found that having sex more frequently than once a week was not associated with greater well-being.

If you are one of those less happy couples having sex less than once per week, here are some tips for you to incorporate:

1. Share household chores and responsibilities.

Believe it or not, you’ll have more desire to have physical intimacy with a spouse who feels like a partner. Women especially tend to shut off if feelings of anger and resentment have seeped. This is bound to happen if the division of labor is unequal.

Especially if there are young children, women tend to take on more responsibility for the house and kids. Not sexy!

2. Make time to relax and be present.

This means scheduling a date night to be alone together, without children or media distractions.

Go for a walk or out to a dinner. Make a rule to talk about the children for only the first 10 minutes. Put your phones on silent or leave them at home. Remember how it felt to be dating and romantic.

3. Do something different.

Brain research has shown that novelty produces erotic interest and excitement. Leave the lights on, make love in a different room, or take a trip.

Many couples tell me that their sexiest nights are in hotel rooms. Everything was neat and clean and there were no dishes calling from the kitchen!

Introduce a little real or perceived danger into your sexual play.

4. Account for differences in libido.

Sometimes partners differ in how much sex they crave (back to "Annie Hall"). If your partner wants sex more often than you, consider putting sex on your schedule. Then, set the tone. Take a warm bath or shower, light some fragrant candles, and put on some soft music. You might enjoy a glass of wine to relax.

Desire often follows arousal so allow your partner to arouse you.

5. Evaluate what’s right for you.

It’s important for you to talk to your spouse about your particular needs and desires as a couple. Spend some time discussing your value system and the rhythm of your life. Do what works for the two of you.

Your sex life might ebb and flow following the demands of your current circumstances. Be sure that neither of you is actually feeling sex-starved.

Mary Kay Cocharo is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. If you want to know if you have a sex-starved marriage, take this eye-opening 2-minute relationship assessment and discover the areas in your relationship you would like to heal and strengthen.