The Most Wholesome Thing Each Zodiac Sign Does
They are the purest of pure.
getty Rarely do I get the chance to sing the praises of purity and goodness in astrology. Yes, I do enjoy a good venting session, and the zodiac has always provided top notch fodder for my astrological rants. But lo and behold, now we are going to honor the good in us, the most wholesome offerings we have to share.
Is it even still possible to be a wholesome zodiac sign? Well, of course it is! Don't be so jaded. It's not all brimstone and bad human behavior out there in the big, bad world.
We've all heard it said that we're all basically good, and that we learn our bad habits and behaviors with the passing of time. So, what happens after we've been so influenced, so ruined by time? Is there anything left in us that is redeemable? Perhaps a tiny shred of kindness? Maybe?
These are the days of division and fear, of terror and disbelief. Is there anything left in us to praise? Can we dig deep within and draw out of us what's good, what's pure and safe? Certainly, we are not all lost. Certainly, we have the potential within to save ourselves, our planet, our country... yes?
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
You are a people pleaser and a flatterer, in all the best ways. You're a lover as well as a fighter, and that love of yours extends far and wide. You will welcome newcomers into your life willingly and you will give them all a fair chance.
The most wholesome thing you do, Aries? You honor friendship; you're a loyal friend who always gives their best.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
You have a hear of gold and you use that drive of yours to make things right. You're an activist and you care about fellow human beings. If you're the person we rely upon, you take that position seriously. Your wholesome donation to the world is your reliability and honesty.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
You love the idea of wholesomeness and that's about as close as you get to it. Animals make you happy, as long as you don't have to take care of them. You hate people, so you avoid them, which does us all a great favor and we thank you for that.
You show the world great compassion by staying away from other people. You enjoy eating meals by yourself, which are wholesome.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
You are incredibly wholesome, healthy and spiritually-minded, as long as you get your way. Your world is set up in a vacuum; you've carefully vetted out stragglers as you have no forgiveness in your heart for anyone who makes a mistake.
Your environment is wholesome and fruitful, as long as you stand over it, guarding it with a machine gun. Namaste wholesomeness served up with a cease and desist order.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
Your natural warmth and charm is enough to create calm and peace in any situation. You sincerely care about those you love, and you will go out of your way to be kind and caring.
You can be so wholesome; you welcome everyone into your home, and always provide your friends with the feeling of security and safety.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Even though you've got that feisty and somewhat weird reputation in front of you, you are quite wholesome when you're not "on stage." As a Virgo, you are specific, but you will use that perfectionist nature of yours to coordinate something wonderful for someone you love.
You're the first to get excited about preparing for a party, and you make sure all your guests are happy and sated.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
You like to keep a very wholesome bank account, from which you will buy yourself some very wholesome gifts. The more gifts you buy for yourself, the happier you are. You don't bother helping others out or buying gifts for them, so you're able to stay pure and singular.
You taught yourself long ago that you are superior and owe nothing to anyone. You are very wholesome in how you believe in your own superiority. It works for you.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
The Wholesome Scorpio. Not exactly a best seller, but definitely a fiction. It's just not in your nature to be, like, or consider something that is wholesome. You'd rather swig down a cup of rusty nails than bake a batch of warm cookies.
Though, credit should go where it's deserved: you do well up with snotty tears and hug your teddy while watching snuff films.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
Oh, you're a smooshy-wooshy softy and as wholesome as it gets. So wholesome are you, that you actually terrify your friends some times. And why? Because no one expects you to do anything but express the desire to be alone.
So when suddenly they're all invited to your party, they just naturally assume they're going to be killed by you. Little do they know you're only sharing your craft beer and kale surprise.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
If you come across as wholesome, you do your best to change that image, fast. Sure, you may pop a vitamin C or go to the gym, but you certainly don't want that to take your image down.
You like people to think you're a tough person who guzzles motor oil, but the truth is, brekkie is made up of eggs, toast, bacon and every other wholesome food item on the planet. You like it wholesome, Capricorn — you just don't want anyone knowing it.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
Your idea of wholesome is to raise your kids, call yourself a great human, lie through your teeth (oops, that's not too wholesome!), and deny you did anything wrong. You're a bit stuck on the idea that you need to appear wholesome, so you do what's expected of you.
You act sweet. You act kind. You act like you care. That's as wholesome as it gets for you. You're a fine actor, Aquarius.
PISCES (February 19 - March 10)
Stand aside and let the food do the talking. You are wholesomeness itself, Pisces, and when it comes to family and friends, this is where you shine, shine, shine. You love bringing your best to the table, and you are more than willing to go out of your way to make others happy.
Your wholesomeness is real and true, and it shows up best in your home-oriented actions. You love your people and you give them all you have.
Ruby Miranda is a New Yorker who learned astrology, I Ching and all types of cartomancy and numerology from her crazy, gypsy mother. She currently writes for a wide range of esoteric publications.