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Will you have what it takes to survive?
By Christine Schoenwald — Written on May 21, 2018
You wake up in the middle of the night, and without further investigation, you just know that there’s an intruder in the house. More than likely, this intruder is there for more than just your computer or TV — they probably want to kill you. Does your zodiac sign have the survival skills to stay alive?
Hopefully, you’re never in this situation, but you probably think about things like this from time to time. Sometimes it’s fun to think about what you’d do if you came face to face with a killer, and how those actions might be influenced by astrology or your horoscope. In no way is this a guide on how to handle direct contact with a serial killer, nor is it advice on the best course of action when there’s a predator in the house.
There's been a connection between serial killers and astrology ever since the Zodiac Killer came up with his own nickname. Just remember that this is purely for entertainment value and shouldn't be taken seriously. Who knows? It might spark your imagination and inspire you to write your own serial killer movie or novel.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Well, you know an Aries isn't going to just sit there and do nothing. If a killer was in Aries' house, they would MacGyver their way out of a window using only an old sheet and a paper clip. Once outside, they'd create a distraction to get the killer out of the house too.
At that point, since Aries is courageous but doesn't always think things through, they'd try to take the killer down themselves without calling for backup.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Taurus isn't going to make things easy for a killer. They're stubborn and stand their ground. More than likely, Taurus would get their family into the panic room (which you know they made sure to build) as quickly as possible and wait it out.
Taurus has amazing planning skills, so their panic room would be entirely tricked out, making it easy for them stay safe until they were sure the killer was gone.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
Geminis love a good party, so it's not unlikely that they would come home way late and surprise the killer as they were searching for victims. Gemini would try to reason with the killer, making excellent arguments on why the killer would be better off by not killing them.
You know that a Gemini is never far from their phone, so there's a good chance they'll get a call into the police. Having great communication skills will probably save Gemini's life.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
If there's a killer and Cancer is alone in the house, they're going to hide and cry — probably in that order. If their family is there, Cancer will be strong and get them to safety, and then have an emotional meltdown.
Once they've had a good cry, they'll transition to anger and may be propelled out of their hiding space by their rage. Hopefully, the killer will get out of there before Cancer gets mad, or Cancer might get themselves killed by their own moodiness.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
Leo is going to do everything they can to neutralize the killer. They may start by offering large sums of money to the killer if they won't kill anyone, and if that doesn't work, Leo is going to channel their inner fierce warrior and attempt to take the killer down.
If the Leo is lucky, they'll have back-up, but if they don't, it won't stop Leo from giving everything they have to survive a killer in the house.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Of course, Virgo has amazing survival skills and has already thoroughly researched every kind of life and death situation they can think of. Virgo already has a plan in place and they follow it down to the letter, which is good and bad.
If things go as expected, Virgo will probably be fine; they are going to have to improvise and that could be bad.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
Libra will have trouble deciding on a course of action. They'll hate the injustice of it all and will want to do something about it, but they'll mess up somehow, and fall on a lamp or stab themselves by accident.
It's anybody's guess how it will all turn out. The one thing we know for sure is that if the killer is caught and put on trial, Libra will be there to testify.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
We know how dangerous a Scorpio can be when motivated, so unless they are the killer in the house, they are going to be a scary match. The killer may find that they aren't the murderer but the victim.
Never underestimate a Scorpio's rage for it is devastating in its brutality and range. Scorpio is going to enjoy giving the killer a taste of their own poison, and when the police show up and find a dead person, Scorpio will be telling the truth when they say it was all in self-defense.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
Sagittarius isn't going to take a killer being in the house seriously until it's too late. They'll assume it's a joke and will go along with it until they realize that this "prank" is deadly, and it will be too late to stop it.
Sagittarius will try to distract the killer with their humor but all it will do is annoy the killer and put a target on Sagittarius' back.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
Capricorn is going to fight back with everything they have against a killer. They didn't work impossible hours to build a secure future for themselves and their family only to have it threatened by a killer.
Capricorns are smart and they're determined, so if they decide to stop the killer, that's exactly what they're going to do.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
Serial killers are clever, but Aquarians are geniuses. If there is a killer in the house, Aquarius will come up with some on-the-fly invention to prevent the killer from hurting anyone.
Another plus for Aquarius is that they're very good at controlling their emotions and can be just as cool and calm as the killer, which will throw the killer off their game.
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Pisces are extremely sensitive and selfless, so they can be easily led. If the killer was in the house and the police were outside, the killer might take Pisces as a hostage and use them as a shield against any police gunfire.
Stockholm Syndrome might happen and Pisces could develop feelings for their captor, becoming one of their followers such as Charles Manson and the Manson Family.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and teacher who loves writing and performing personal narratives. She's had pieces in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Woman's Day, Purple Clover, Bustle, and is a regular contributor to Ravishly and YourTango. Check out her website or her Facebook page.