How To SAVE Your Relationship When One Of You Has Broken The Trust


Ready to make it solid again?

A strong marriage requires strong trust, and there are so many ways to breach it.

Whether you’ve been the person whose trust has been broken or the one who did the breaking, you know it’s not an easy position to find yourself in.

When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s important to be able to trust them implicitly. So when something comes along and proves that your trust has been misplaced, it does more than just upset you. It can cause a tremendous rift in the relationship that you’ve worked so hard to build.

And if that trust isn’t restored, then it might spell the end of the relationship altogether.

So what can you do if you find yourself in this situation?

What can you do to rebuild trust, so that you can move forward and return to a loving, committed relationship?

According to licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Mary Kay Cocharo, there's actually a lot you can do! In the YourTango Experts video above, Mary Kay explains her plan, explaining that if you follow the plan she’s laid out, that you and your partner will once again be able to come together as a single, trustworthy unit and you can heal the rift that once drove you apart.

Here are a few steps you can take to build back the trust in your relationship after it was lost. 

1. If you are the one that messed up, take full responsibility.

Own your mistake, admit that you were wrong, and promise to do whatever it takes to help your partner believe in you again.

You made a mistake, so you’re going to have to work really hard to make sure you can prove to your partner that you’re worthy of their trust again.

RELATED: 9 Ideas for Rebuilding Trust

2. If you’re the person that needs to forgive, forgive!

Trust needs to be earned and it takes time and consistency. You’re going to have to let go of the mistake that your partner made and let them try and earn your trust back. The first step — and possibly the most important — is to forgive them so that you can both move on.

3. Be prepared to give up some of your freedom.

When you break a bone, that bone gets set within a cast so that it can heal. The cast can be uncomfortable and it can restrict movement and feel like it’s taking forever to heal, but that’s a part of the process.

Likewise, you are going to have to be prepared to give up some of your freedom in order to heal. This might mean letting your spouse take a look at your phone or giving them passwords to your accounts to check up on you, but this phase will eventually come to an end as you both heal and earn their trust back.

4. Swallow your pride.

Do whatever is necessary to get that trust restored. If it means answering a million questions or making sure that you take a mutually-trusted friend with you whenever you go out to the bar so that your spouse knows you’re being honest, then do it. A little discomfort now to regain your partner’s trust will be worth it in the end.

5. Remember that secrets will kill your intimacy.

Complete transparency is imperative to help your partner trust you again. You’re going to have to be upfront and honest about absolutely everything that you do. Again, this may feel uncomfortable, and at times you may even feel as though you’re being put on the spot. But if you are open and honest, your spouse will soon see that there is no reason to continue giving you the rundown every time you come in late from work.

RELATED: 8 Essential Tips to Communicate and Connect with Your Partner

6. Don’t be repeat offender

This is so important.

If you are constantly breaking your partner’s trust, how are they going to ever be able to relax enough to believe what you say? This is the fastest way to destroy your chances of getting back to level ground — and it might even ruin your relationship.

If you have any desire to see your relationship reach a good point again, then you cannot make the same mistakes over and over or you will have proven that you can’t be trusted.

Rebuilding trust can be difficult, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. Don’t give up! Slowly, you and your partner’s relationship will improve again, and just like that broken bone, will be even stronger for it.

If you want to talk to Mary Kay Cocharo about a trust issue or any other type of relationship problem, you can reach her here. She'd love to help!