Dear Straight Men — Asking For Butt Play Does NOT Make You Gay

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butt play doesn't mean straight men are gay

Your butt doesn't have a sexual orientation.

Straight men will say they want to receive anal sex, or they want to engage in anal play, but they’re ashamed to tell their girlfriends or their wives. They’re ashamed to ask their partner to explore that with them. And not just because of the reaction they fear from their partner.

Sometimes, men themselves worry that—because they’re interested in anal play—it automatically means they’re gay… or perhaps even bisexual.

I like to tell them: “In the state where I am a board-certified sex therapist, your anus doesn’t have a sexual orientation.” That calms them down.

Some gay men never have nor want anal sex as well as I wrote in my article, “Guys on the Side: Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms.”

Other men do talk to their partners about it, but their partners aren’t interested. In these cases, the man doesn’t push it because he’s worried she’ll think he’s gay. And sometimes the wife or girlfriend does have this fear. In which case, I also have to educate her on the fact that anuses have no sexual orientation.

When I can convince a female to try this with her partner, to perhaps use a strap-on, she is sometimes pleasantly surprised. Many women report back to me that they’ve never been so wet in their life. That they felt dominant. That they were never so turned on before.

He, meanwhile, was able to be submissive and vulnerable, often for the very first time. It can be a very positive experience for both partners.

Watch this video for more information.

This article was originally published at Huffington Post. Reprinted with permission from the author.