Scary New Study Pinpoints How Likely YOU Are To Catch An STD Base On A/S/L

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Two girls covering their eyes

Because there's a month for everything, May is the month of masturbation and you know what? After you check out Casino dot org's breakdown of STDs based on age and location I think you'll appreciate the sentiment a bit more.

Of course, we're all somewhat aware of the risk that comes with unprotected sex — but how aware?

I'm not positive that we're "woke" enough when it comes to who we're sleeping with — not when I see these stats.

The report looks at 100,000 residents and CDC reports from the previous year, and oh. MY. If you weren't paranoid before, you might just be after reading these 5 eye-opening takeaways about sexually transmitted diseases. 

1. Southern belles and beaus

Of the states that pulled in rank for top five highest rates of sexually transmitted diseases, it seems that southern states are more likely. Frankly, this only further goes to prove my old college theory right: In my personal experience, I found that southern guys would be more likely to try to sneak into the sex without a condom, while city-boys were quick to wrap it up.

Thus my theory was born: Southerners might be a little too friendly, in that they seem more down with unprotected sex. (No hard hitting science backing me quite yet, but this study is a start.) 

RELATED: Yes, You CAN Get An STD In Your Butt

More specifically? Louisiana, North Carolina, Mississippi, and South Carolina were all listed as the top destinations to grab a fix of gonorrhea, while the only state listed from the North was D.C. (and they're not even a state); with Louisiana coming in number one for the highest chances of syphilis

2. One is the loneliest number now, for sure.

Despite my theories and all that I said about the South, the number one U.S. "state" listed for syphilis and gonorrhea was Washington, D.C. That said, I'm not sure that I'd seek out hot and random hookups in the D.C. area. Leaving me back where I started: going home alone. 

But it's like I said, it is masturbation month. *eyes bullet*

3. Age is NOT just a number.

Sorry great philosophers, but age is much more than a number says the laws and these numbers. According to the study, "Men ages 25-29 are 10 times more likely to have syphilis than women of the same demographic." In general, men and women between the ages of 15 and 29 are "have the highest rate of occurrence."

RELATED: 5 Things You Need To Know About The Gonorrhea Superbug

4. Battle of the sexes.

Not only are teen girls four times more likely than their male counterparts to contract Chlamydia, but women as a whole "have more than double the likelihood of contracting Chlamydia from just one partner" as opposed to men. 

Damn men and their privilege, even when they're not making a conscious effort to use it to their advantage it never fails.

RELATED: Everything You Need To Know About Herpes, But Are Too Afraid To Ask

5. Fish aren't alone in the sea.

If there's a lot of fish to choose from, then a lot of them are likely swimming in a tainted sea of STDs, as well. For chlamydia there were an outstanding 2,500 cases for every 100,000 people leaving a 1 in 40 chance that you or someone you knows has this bacterial infection.

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I never thought I'd say this but I'd gladly take my yeast infection with no complaints if the stakes are this high for other bacterial infections.