7 Hard-To-Hear Reasons Why You're Really Single

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Why am I still single

No, it's not because you're "too nice."

I can’t name how many guys out there have whined to me about their single status. I’m not sure why, but I seem to attract guys who can’t figure out why they’re still alone. Well, actually, in their minds, they know why they’re single: it’s because they’re too nice.

Yes, that’s what they believe. They really think they were too nice. How do I know this? I know they came to this conclusion because they say so, in Facebook statuses, Twitter updates, and even to my face. This conclusion is often followed by a newly minted vow about how they’re going to “be a******s” from now on because they suddenly realized that “girls only like jerks.”

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Guys, speaking as someone who was born female, I feel I need to rectify your beliefs. You see, being too nice is possible. But the problem with it is that it tends to attract people who are looking to use you.

Users will want to be around you, if only because you’re willing to pay for a fancy dinner date. They will want to be with you because you provide something. Make no mistake about it, being a doormat will get people around you — just the wrong people.

If you’re not attracting anyone and are asking yourself, "Why am I still single?" your problem isn’t that you’re too nice. Rather than it being that you’re too nice, chances are that the reason you’re single is probably for one of the following reasons...

1. You probably don’t have much to offer in a long-term relationship.

No one wants to be in a relationship with “dead weight.” If the person you’re approaching would have to financially support you, do all the housework, do all the romancing, and also be your entire world, they will back away.

At that point, there’s not much reason why the person you’re approaching wouldn’t want to just get a pet or a baby instead. They want you to contribute, too!

2. You probably aren’t really that interesting as a person.

Let’s get real for a minute. Would you date a supermodel if she was the most boring human being on the planet? Would you date someone who you had NOTHING in common with? Probably not. Same goes with chicks. So, maybe you should get hobbies, or a life, before you start hitting up girls.

3. You’re probably a sexist, selfish jerk.

If you really are so bad as to group all people of one gender together under an umbrella, I got some news for you. That makes you a sexist, even if you deny it. Also, if you can’t take “no” for an answer without an argument, you’re a jerk.

In order for a relationship to be good, you have to think about your partner too, and considering that you don’t care how the other girl feels about you, it’s safe to say that you don’t give a flying f*** about her needs, feelings, or desires. And that’s the definition of selfish.

That makes you a sexist, selfish jerk... and you need to fix that before you even think of getting someone.

4. You probably also have the social skills of a baked potato.

I speak from experience when I say that I know how hard it is to be socially awkward. I still am from time to time, particularly if I’m stressed out. But there’s a difference between being awkward but nice and having downright awful social skills. I don’t think most guys understand this.

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If you think that a good way to approach girls involves sending dick pics, insulting them, or being whiny, you have atrocious social skills. These kinds of actions tend to make people feel bad, uncomfortable, or downright frightened by you, and that will lead to you being labeled a creep.

5. You might also have appearance issues.

Yes, appearance matters to a ridiculous amount for both men and women. (Note: Statistically, men are way more likely to reject women due to appearances than women are.) Not all of us were born with the looks of a runway model or a movie star. There is, in fact, only so much you can do to alter your appearance.

Just because you can only do so much doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. If you’re 400 pounds, you can go to the gym or get gastric bypass. If you’ve got a giant schnozz, you can get rhinoplasty or wear your hair in a way that minimizes it. If you have a weak chin, you can grow a beard. If you can’t get a date or even get girls to talk to you, DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR LOOKS IF IT’S SO IMPORTANT TO YOU!

6. You also may have unrealistic standards about who you can date.

If you look like Jabba the Hutt with herpes, chances are not high that you will get a little blonde cosplay model to date you. I’m sorry, but it’s true. If you’re flat broke, 40, and refuse to get a job, you’re not going to get Ms. Career Woman as wifey. If you’re a guy with a beer belly and a penchant for mudding, beer, and hunting, you're not gonna date Carrie Bradshaw.

I’m willing to bet that you might have pushed away a girl at one point who did want to go out with you. In fact, you might have even called her “too fat” or “too broke” to do so. Sweetie, if you did this, did you look in the mirror? If any of these other points are correct for you, she was probably someone who would have actually been within your real league.

7. Lastly, you might not understand how this dating thing works.

You might expect a girl to plop in your lap. You might think that rejection doesn’t happen to you. Or you might think that rom-coms happen in real life. Whatever your expectations or beliefs are, they’re probably holding you back some and making you an angry, bitter, frustrated person, too.

So yes, the reason you’re single is because you’re probably not dateable, not because you’re too nice.

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.